Bloodrayne: The Third Reich (Review)
Bloodrayne: The Third Reich (2010)
Directed by Uwe Boll
I don't think I've seen a Uwe Boll movie since Postal.
Avoiding Uwe Boll movies isn't to hard. But Brendan Fletcher (a Boll regular) reminds us that the reason Uwe Boll's names keep popping up on the Interwebs is because websites give him the free coverage he knows he'll get if he keeps making fucked up movies. For every Auschwitz he makes, he does make a Bloodrayne 3.
So I'm as guilty as everybody else when I review this 3rd installment of Bloodrayne. I try to go in and hope it's tolerable but it's inevitable that this flick was doomed from the start.
Bloodrayne: The Third Reich is the equivalent of seeing a monkey throw its own feces at a tiger. It's kinda goofy and totally outrageous. You're hoping to see the tiger just rip the monkey to shreds. But all we get is more feces thrown all over the place. Yup...there's shit all over the place.
In between the lovely Natassia Malthe as Rayne slices and dices, has lesbian sex then in one of the most WTF moments ever has sex with a resistance fighter in the back of a Nazi truck where they are prisoners headed to their execution. Read that sentence again. Got it? Now that's Uwe Boll making sure we get ample boobage no matter what the situation.
I don't have to lecture you on the Uwe Boll movie game to film process. It's pretty shitty all around. So here are some pics and clips to save you 70 minutes of your time.
Rayne fights against the Nazis in Europe during World War II, encountering Ekart Brand, a Nazi leader whose target is to inject Adolf Hitler with Rayne's blood in an attempt to transform him into a dhampir and attain immortality.
OK you probably want to see Natassia Malthe naked because as well as killing Nazis and Nazi vampires she still has time to get some lesbo sex and fuck in the back of a Nazi trunk. So this be your exit to see her boobage. See am I not thinking of your best interests?
Let's check out some pics.
Here's Rayne distracting the soldiers with her cleavage. It works every time.
Lots of voice over dialogue just to see her cleavage.
She just had lesbian sex 2 minutes before this action scene.
Here's the trailer.
Natassia Malthe gets naked for all of us
Lots of standard slice and dice, decaps and vamps turning into ooze
Really? A sex scene in the back of a moving Nazi truck where your like 5 min away from being executed?
The Jaded Viewer's Final Prognosis
Ummm I liked Kristinna Loken better.