Midnight Movie (Review)

Midnight Movie

Midnight Movie (2008)

Directed by Jack Messitt

The tagline for Midnight Movie is "The New Face Of Horror".
Wow, such freakin bravado isn't it? Well the dude to the left is a new face, as I mean I've never seen em before. But its not like he's going to win rookie Slasher of the Year or anything.

Chromeskull won that award last year.

Not much to say about this flick. It's your generic MTV generation hack and slash, slasher film. It's got an interesting premise, but its a total yawnfest. You'd think it would be one of those self aware Scream like films, but it plays like a generic bag of potato chips.

Oh yeah, Brea Grant was in this (she was on the TV show Heroes and Halloween II remake) so that was sorta cool. Umm, I'm gonna go through the slasher checklist on this review.

Boring Plot-O-Matic

A midnight showing of an early 1970's horror movie turns to chaos when the Killer from the movie comes out of the film to attack those in the theater.

Awesome Review-O-Matic

As always, we here at the jaded viewer go through our "what makes a good slasher movie" list.

Does Midnight Movie achieve everything on this list? Umm no it doesn't.

1.) Is there a mysterious, insanely strong, ridiculed as a child, deformed, inbred redneck slasher?

Umm The Killer is mysterious, insanely strong, probably not ridiculed as a child, very much deformed and yeah, I'm going to say he's from West Virginia.

2.) Gratuitous, over the top, super fleshy nudity (with Grade A boobage)?

Nada. Nope. Zip. Zilch. Zippo. Negative. No Can do.

3.) Stereotypical teenage caricatures who die gruesome and horrific over the top deaths?

Yeah, this one has a few of em.

1.) Blonde final girl who goes from hysterical GF and older sister to "I'm gonna fuck up this slasher wannabe"
2.) Her emo BF
3.) Douchebag asshole friend
4.) Douchebag's slutty GF
5.) Fat Biker guy
6.) Fat Biker guy's GF
7.) 2 inept police officers
8.) Oversexed dork guy
9.) The lovely Brea Grant
10.) Final girl's little brother

Most die and you could care less. Trust me. I was hoping the killer would come out of my TV and make me a victim.

4.) No Plot?

Check.

5.) Kills by our slasher that make you go "Fuck yeah!"

Yawn. My grandma's grandma could do better.

6.) Gore, lots of it. Like serious decapitation, dismemberment, impalement, frenzy steroid rages and blood shooting out at various penetration wounds, limbs a flailing and mindless splatter and mayhem.

Here is your Gore-ipedia. So the Killer has some sort of screwer thingy as his weapon. Seems like he bought it at a 99 cents store.

1.) Screwer through the stomach
2.) Screwer through the stomach
3.) Screwer through the stomach
4.) Screwer through the stomach
5.) Screwer through the stomach

Sensing a pattern here?

7.) Geeky leader who takes charge of the hapless group as they try to escape who befriends a hot girl who knows about the "legend" (there's always a legend no one believes)

Actually none of that happened in this movie. Where were you geeky leader?

8.) Funny yet ill timed dialogue but also various quips and one liners that are funny only the first time around (yet somehow funny again when you buy the DVD and only when you're stoned)

Hmm maybe I should try smoke some weed and then watch this. It probably depress me than make me laugh.

9.) Final girl goes all final girly?

Oddly she does and starts praying for no apparent reason. And she starts praying alot. I think this is the first time I've seen gratuitous praying in a horror movie.

10.) Wildly ambiguous ending that can be used to warrant a sequel?

I think so. I kinda wasn't paying attention.

WTF moment

The odd dream sequence that I didn't understand because I went to the bathroom for like 20 minutes.

The Jaded Viewer's Final Prognosis

Wow this review didn't even give you any idea of what this movie is about did it? Well it was about some people who see a midnight cult movie where the slasher in the movie comes to life and starts killing the people in the theater. The movie flashes between the cult movie called "The Death Beyond" oops that's "The Dark Beneath" and the people run around and start getting picked off one by one.

Yawn. Double Yawn. Can I go for gold!??! OMG it's a triple yawn! He's got the gold.

Rating:
Check out the trailer below.

Categories: 2009 horror dvd, 2009 horror movies, 2009 horror trailers, midnight movie