As I am a child of the 80s, it was 100% certain that I was going to see G.I. Joe. So when I did, I went in with low low low expectations. But that won't stop me from giving you a list of WTF moments I had while watching this flick. It was inevitable that if you grew up watching the 80s cartoon and reading some of the comics, you'd be scratching your head and cursing a mile a minute.
I don't like reviewing mainstream Hollywood films so this is similar to my Fuck You Chev Chelios! My thoughts on Crank 2 post.
So here we go. Yo Joe! [Spoilers ahoy!]
1.) Snake Eyes has a fuckin mouth?!?
2.) Scarlett's uniforms are all standard issue right?
3.) Dude! It really is that kid from 3rd Rock from the Son playing Cobra Commander...sigh
4.) Fuck you Zartan! You guaranteed a fuckin sequel
5.) Isn't the Baroness Russian?!? Sigh
6.) Isn't Destro black?!? Double Sigh
7.) OMG was that really Brendan Frasier as Flint?!? Triple Sigh
8.) The airplane Ripcord uses is an homage to that plane that Cobra had with the small plane mounted on top...remember that?
9.) Jeezus...Rachel Nichols keeps getting hotter in every scene
10.) HAHAHAHA...poor Cover Girl
11.) So anybody with a big powerful drill can just bust into Joe HQs?
12.) I love the first meeting of Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow. Did you see that 3 second flashback?!? Let me repeat that. It was a 3 second initial flashback.
13.) That kid on kid fight scene may have been the greatest kid on kid fight scene I've ever seen.
14.) Duke is a fuckin pussy
15.) I turned off my brain for the flick, but isn't it hard to have an underwater battle war?
16.) Did he really say "Knowing is half the battle"??? (see illustration below)
17.) Where's your elite soldiers France? Huh??
18.) Why is Cobra Commander's voice reversed with Destro's?
19.) I got Jungle Fever...you got Jungle Fever...!
20.) Best intro of a character: Dr. Mindbender
It is what it is. A summer bubblegum popcorn and peanuts action flick. All I asked for was they put a fuckin PSA during or at the end of the credits? Was that too much to ask?
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