As I am a child of the 80s, it was 100% certain that I was going to see G.I. Joe. So when I did, I went in with low low low expectations. But that won't stop me from giving you a list of WTF moments I had while watching this flick. It was inevitable that if you grew up watching the 80s cartoon and reading some of the comics, you'd be scratching your head and cursing a mile a minute.
I don't like reviewing mainstream Hollywood films so this is similar to my Fuck You Chev Chelios! My thoughts on Crank 2 post.
So here we go. Yo Joe! [Spoilers ahoy!]
1.) Snake Eyes has a fuckin mouth?!?
2.) Scarlett's uniforms are all standard issue right?
3.) Dude! It really is that kid from 3rd Rock from the Son playing Cobra Commander...sigh
4.) Fuck you Zartan! You guaranteed a fuckin sequel
5.) Isn't the Baroness Russian?!? Sigh
6.) Isn't Destro black?!? Double Sigh
7.) OMG was that really Brendan Frasier as Flint?!? Triple Sigh
8.) The airplane Ripcord uses is an homage to that plane that Cobra had with the small plane mounted on top...remember that?
9.) Jeezus...Rachel Nichols keeps getting hotter in every scene
10.) HAHAHAHA...poor Cover Girl
11.) So anybody with a big powerful drill can just bust into Joe HQs?
12.) I love the first meeting of Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow. Did you see that 3 second flashback?!? Let me repeat that. It was a 3 second initial flashback.
13.) That kid on kid fight scene may have been the greatest kid on kid fight scene I've ever seen.
14.) Duke is a fuckin pussy
15.) I turned off my brain for the flick, but isn't it hard to have an underwater battle war?
16.) Did he really say "Knowing is half the battle"??? (see illustration below)
17.) Where's your elite soldiers France? Huh??
18.) Why is Cobra Commander's voice reversed with Destro's?
19.) I got Jungle Fever...you got Jungle Fever...!
20.) Best intro of a character: Dr. Mindbender
It is what it is. A summer bubblegum popcorn and peanuts action flick. All I asked for was they put a fuckin PSA during or at the end of the credits? Was that too much to ask?
**Hello fellow Redditors, it seems you are all curious of this haunted house that other haunted houses are afraid of. I'll be posting m...
**Hello fellow Redditors, it seems you are all curious of this haunted house that other haunted houses are afraid of. I'll be posting ...
With the remake of The Last House on the Left coming out today, I'd figure I'd get you noobs caught up on this subgenre of exploitat...
It's now a bicoastal phenomenon. When I first started writing these walkthroughs in 2010 and 2011 , they were more so therapy for m...
. . . **Hello fellow Redditors, it seems you are all curious of this haunted house that other haunted houses are afraid of. I'll ...
courtesy of Blackout Haunted House Well a lot has happened since I posted my 2011 review of Blackout Haunted House. Blackout made the f...
[This is just a review of Blackout Elements. A spoiler filled walkthrough will follow after the show's run ends.] Well if you'r...
"I'm being toyed with by a bunch of depraved children" - Nicholas Van Orton (The Game, 1997) PROLOGUE I've alw...
Mediatrix Mediatrix (2011) Directed by Cory Udler I'm pretty positive Cory Udler is not a big fan of organized religion. Udler, the...
I rarely cover comedies on the jaded viewer but having rewatched EuroTrip for like the 10th time because of Showtime, I have to make sure y...
- ► 2013 (41)
- ► 2012 (78)
- ► 2011 (156)
- ► 2010 (237)
- The 10 Best Black Films Of The 1990s
- A Final Destination Friday Giveaway
- Screwballs (DVD Review)
- The 5 Types of Moviegoers who Watch Horror Movies
- The WTF List: District 9 Edition
- Forgotten Horror Hottie: Lindy Booth
- The WTF List: G.I. Joe Edition
- 5 Horror Movies that shaped my horror psyche
- The Tournament (Official Full Trailer)
- Stake Land (Teaser Trailer)
- The Horror Continuum (Video Edition)
- Anthony Zuiker's Level 26: Dark Origins (The First...
- G.I. JOE: Cold Slither (A Forgotten Classic Joe Ep...
- Zombieland (Exclusive "Rules" Clips)
- The Thread: What was the Worst of Freddy's demise...
- A Perfect Getaway (Review)
- Uwe Boll Rampage (Trailer)
- Incest Death Squad (Trailer)
- Nature's Grave (Review)
- The Boys (Comics You Are Not Reading)
- Screwballs (DVD Release Date)
- Black Devil Doll (Review)
- ▼ August (22)
- ► 2008 (178)
- ► 2007 (21)
2014 Haunted House Reviews
The WTF Lists
2006-2014 The Jaded Viewer. Powered by Blogger.