Elevator (Review)

Elevator

Elevator (2011)

Directed by Stig Svendsen

Everybody has fears about being stuck in an elevator. I mean when I saw this guy stuck for 41 hours, it was fuckin terrifying. We've all done it. Looked around the people in the elevator with us and said to ourselves, could I be trapped with these people?

We've all checked our phones to make sure we've got bars and battery life. We've all checked if we have life sustaining food, you know that pack of Orbitz gum. I was stuck in an elevator for 10 minutes once. It was claustrophobic hell but at least I had my friend to keep me company.

Well Elevator tries to play on those fears but doubles the ante by not just cramming 9 people inside but by unleashing a twist. Yup somebody has a bomb in the elevator and everybody pushes the panic button. Comparisons to M Night's Devil isn't too far behind. I found that half assed Twilight zone melodrama-ish. Elevator has a more grounded approach but still goes up and down never really finding a direction to go to.

It's got some suspenseful moments, though a film like has little to do with plot but more if we're willing to spend time with these characters. Do we care enough to be stuck with these people for 80 minutes? I wasn't. These movies where one location is central, viewers tend to want to like the normals and hate the wackos. Oddly enough, they were all wackos.

Elevator pushes our buttons hoping they've pushed the right ones of suspense, thrills and angst. Unfortunately, it misses them all.

Boring Plot-O-Matic


Racism collides with corporate greed when nine strangers are trapped in a Wall Street elevator, and one of them has a bomb. They will do anything to survive.

Awesome Review-O-Matic

Elevator does have a message that of when corporate greed goes awry, Occupy Wall St goes homicidal. But what has to draw you in are the characters and I have to say none of them were people I wanted to see alive.

We have the asshole douchebag comedian, the rich tycoon with his spoiled, bratty granddaughter, the journalist and her alpha douchebag broker boyfriend, the Iranian-American security guard, the fat salaryman, the pregnant eye candy blonde and the old widow.

The only respectable dude was the fat salaryman but even by the end I was tired of him. All have backstories and our strangers become an "elevator family". We do get a few twists as our strangers aren't really strangers. All have agendas but all seem to non be remotely tolerable to spend so much time watching them complain.

When you do an ensemble, you should have 1-2 main antagonists, a comic relief guy, some eye candy and a WTF guy. Elevator has them all but none do a decent job at...well their jobs. In the end, the movie plays on all those fears when trapped in a confined area. Blood starts to boil and survival instincts kick in.

There are some bloody moments and some close calls. But my pesky logic kicks in. At one point, they start streaming the local news. Are you telling me there is wi-fi in this elevator? Elevators in my building are wi-fi dead spots. How big is this elevator? It's like huge in there. Plus the NYPD and security team are the most inept in retrieving our family. You would think they'd be in constant communication with these guys as 2 of them have cellphones

My gripes aside, it's an adequate movie that fits into the Wall St. vs Main St theme. Rich vs poor, black vs white, men vs women. There is serious conflict on all fronts which make this soap opera thriller fun to watch.

In the end though, you think we'll see a twist and explanation. Something bigger than people stuck in an elevator. It never comes and all your left with is listening to cheesy elevator music while thinking you can stream wi-fi at a dead spot.

Gore-ipedia

Some blood splatter and unnecessary surgery.

WTF moment

I wish preggers blonde worked with me. Her secret got me saying...WTF.

The Jaded Viewer's Final Prognosis

If you liked Devil, this will fill your void. It's got some nice thrilling moments and you do watch to figure out what may happen next.





Elevator will be released on DVD on August 21st via Inception Media Group. Check out the official site and Facebook page.



Rating:

Check out the trailer.

Categories: 2011 horror movies, 2012 horror movies, devil, elevator, indie film, indie horror, m.night. shyamalan, thriller

Rage (Review)

Rage

Rage (2011)

Directed by Christopher Witherspoon

Who knew 40 years ago, a TV movie by an unknown director named Steven Spielberg would still be influencing filmmakers today? With Duel, Spielberg made a statement about man's isolation against a force of nature or something like that.

That's where Rage draws it's inspiration from and because of this influence, director/producer/editor Chris Witherspoon even drew up a scene commenting on what the metaphor might be. One can make up comparisons but I'm pretty sure Generation Y and Z have never seen Duel. So Rage becomes it's own malevolent little indie that takes cat vs mouse to a whole new level. What Witherspoon has created is a tense, suspenseful and amped movie about a ordinary Oregonian with his share of secrets and thrown him into a deadly game vs a masked villain whose motivations are also hidden in secrecy.

Rage plays with it's audience so well, I even got duped by its overall simplicity (I'll explain in a bit). It's a mix of Hitchcockian slickness, Twilight Zone twistiness and Spielberg terror magic. Sure it's hindered by its low budget and some odd flashback placement but overall it's an entertaining movie that plays out like a long riddle of emotion.

Rage tricked me big time and it's why it was so much fun.


Boring Plot-O-Matic

A thirty something man who lives in a suburb just outside of Portland says goodbye to his beautiful and loving wife and heads into town. There he unintentionally provokes the wrath of a mysterious motorcyclist. The confrontation between the two, sets in motion a day long battle. Beginning in the form of harmless taunts then quickly escalating into something more serious and then into something unimaginable.

Awesome Review-O-Matic

So we get to hang out with Dennis Twist (Rick Crawford), a 30 something writer from Portland, OR who with his wife Crystal (Audrey Walker) live the American suburban life. But all is not well with the Dennis. He has a few secrets and on his day off, we're going to see all of them. As he drives off in his SUV we see him get into a scuffle with a black helmeted motorcyclist over a parking spot. Dismissed, he meets with his mistress who he breaks off an affair and also meets with a friend where they discuss his failed writing career.

Soon the stalking of Dennis begins and the motorcyclist is appearing at every angle. He is taunted at a red light, then his car gets keyed is only the beginning. Later his breaks are cut and a random beatdown at a bathroom get it all into the bit of ultra violence. Dennis plays mouse and our Darth Vader mute (he doesn't speak throughout the film) are gaming it up for all of us to see. It's not until Dennis gets home does all shit hit the fan. Uber gorehounds with rejoice in the splatterific scenes involving chainsaws, stab-o-palooza and an uncomfortable rape-ture. The end of Rage is pure madness and one final twist breaking down what the fuck just happened is the WTF of the entire movie.

Let me get what irked me out of the way. There is a bit of bad acting by all (Dennis's neighbors are cardboardy) and Rick Crawford who plays Dennis goes in and out of his Irish accent on more than one occasion. During highly emotional scenes, none of our actors can emote above a 5. But overall Crawford plays a mousey mouse well and shows a man littered with guilt and believes karma is out to get him.

Witherspoon also added a few B/W tinted flashbacks of scenes that only happened 5 minutes before. I have no idea why these were added. I'm pretty certain I was following along and didn't need a reminder. There were also a few odd camera angles that had me scratching my head ( a lunch scene in particular was a bit odd)

But these can be forgiven because Witherspoon for an indie does a nice job of getting SUV vs motorcycle shots all over Portland. Solid camera work for on the location shooting and I was impressed. It's a testament to Witherspoon's ability to make low level speeding into car chasing awesome.

Rage is clearly a guessing game. Witherspoon plays with the audience tossing in clues and red herrings to get us emotionally vested as well as riddling all of us. His mistress ex BF might be the man under the helmet but we savvy vets are ultimately going with the Twilight Zone route and expect somebody else. Everybody wants to know who this road rager is and why he might be doing it but it's not until the end do we get a clear explanation. At first, I thought I had been gypped, that all that had occurred was too far fetched for our stalker to go through to exact revenge.

But I remembered a scene Witherspoon inserted mid way in where cordial social parking protocol was followed and realized what I was watching. The movie wants you to believe our psychopathic biker is the embodiment of karma, what goes around comes around. Our man Dennis has to pay for his transgressions, for all the evil that he has done to his wife and to others. It's a brilliant play on the audience's preconceived notions of what we SHOULD expect. But the world is a much simpler place. People get angry for the stupidest and dumbest reasons and real ultra violence happens for far less. I mean people got beatdown for retro Air Jordans, wedding dresses and an Xbox during Black Friday madness.

All the clues lead to Rage. It's the damn title in the movie and the clues are littered throughout peaking at that scene I mentioned earlier. Witherspoon's Rage is so creatively smart that even the best cinema-phile might have been duped. It's one of the best movies I saw in 2011 and I'm going to keep my eyes on Witherspoon (he played the biker BTW). In a few years, we might be calling it Witherspoon terror magic instead.

Nude-ipedia

Nada

Gore-ipedia

Chainsaw trauma
Stabby stab stab stab

WTF moment

The reveal at the end

The Jaded Viewer's Final Prognosis

I get a lot of indie screeners sent to me and I toss them into a pile and figure I'll get to them eventually. But the horror blogosphere is getting this little indie the buzz it deserves and I decided to watch it based on the hype.

Rage has no release date but it has won tons of awards. Rage won top honors at the 2011 Horror Quest Film Festival in Atlanta, Georgia. Rage screened in festivals across America and all over the world including the Oldenburg International Film Festival in Oldenburg, Germany and the Cryptshow Film Festival in Barcelona, Spain.

Hopefully Witherspoon gets a distributor so the horror universe can see this awesome bad boy.

The Vitals

• The official site

Rating:


Check out the trailer.

Categories: 2011 horror movies, crime thriller, independent cinema, indie film, indie horror, thriller

iCrime (Review)

iCrime

iCrime (2011)

Directed by Bears Fonté

The Truth and Cyberspace Collide

That's the tagline for iCrime, a stylized, indie film 2.0 that uses the MTV formula to tell a story about a Midwestern girl finding her way in the City of Angels.

I'll be honest, the poster and trailer make it look like it's a late night Skinemax after dark production. Go watch the trailer and don't tell me you didn't expect a scantily clad female seducing a dude to show up. But I was kind of surprised that this wasn't the case (and a little disappointed). In a weird way, iCrime is a perfect fit for a midnight showing on MTV. It clearly calls for the 18-34 year old demographic to eat up the content.

So what's the appeal to the Millennials? You have a murder mystery wrapped up with iJustine homages (or maybe a bit of Lonely Girl 15) with some fancy window editing, texting gimmicks, small town girl in a big city looking for love and a TMZ ripoff. It's a blend of Web 2.0 and film noir that clearly is more ambitious than it should be.

I'll admit I was very much entrenched in the goings of our lovely cutie Carrie but that's not to say it didn't have a mountain of flaws. It felt a bit unfocused at times and sometimes stressed style over substance. A supporting cast with little depth as well as subplots all over the place made it a bit over packed with shiznit.

But for a movie that plays on themes of the unsparkly side of Hollywood, family bonding, trust and betrayal, it works and for that I enjoyed my iCrime film viewing experience. Now check out what two millennials think.

Boring Plot-O-Matic

Carrie Kevin may seem like a typical Hollywood ingénue – a small-town girl looking to break into acting – but underneath her fresh-faced appearance is a girl on a mission. After learning that a journalist is about to go public with an old sex tape made by her cousin Stefy – a moderately successful pinup girl – Carrie makes a deal to provide the journalist with an even bigger story. Now she must venture into Hollywood’s seedy underbelly to expose the latest Internet sensation Jordan Rivers as a fraud. Yet, as Carrie delves deeper into the lies, deception and betrayal, she may end up making a name for herself after all – as the latest Hollywood murder victim.

Awesome Review-O-Matic

It's Fake-O Tweet-O-Vision!

MovieLover1992: @SelenaLovesKyle6 I just saw this awesome flk iCrime!

SelenaLovesKyle6: @MovieLover1992 OMG. Whats it about?

MovieLover1992: @SelenaLovesKyle6 Well this Okie girl comes to LA and works for a website called Echo Report and tries to prove this girl Jordan on YouTube is a total fake. As if!

SelenaLovesKyle6: @MovieLover1992 Sounds a bit like one of those shows on CW or ABC Family....I'm totally gonna watch!

MovieLover1992: @SelenaLovesKyle6 Yeah its got texting on screen, internet videos and chatting and OMG that ending is just crazy. Srlsy I was so shocked!

SelenaLovesKyle6: @MovieLover1992 Send me the trailer and a review. I wanna chk it out!

OK that's enough of my fake-o tweet-o vision. Director Bears Fonte debut film is clearly entrenched in a world that spins the small town girl in LA into a whole new direction. We've seen it before but here he's added a few Web 2.0 add ons to the mix. Carrie (Sara Fletcher) our Oklahoma noob tries to protect her cousin Stefy from a sex tape going public. But that plot line is just one of many which either detracts or enhances the film (to me, there were way to many things going on). The main plot line revolves around Carrie who works for "the Echo Report" online tabloid as she tries to expose the internet phenomenon Jordan, as she tries to prove she's an actress and not the innocent school girl she plays online.

The first thing about this film is the Web 2.0 generated gimmicks that get maxed exposure. We get the following:

• The Echo Report (TMZ-ish parody)
• Some gratuitous Skype-ing (video chatting)
• Texting in movie (as the texts appear like subtitles on screen)
• YouTube videos of our LonelyGirl/iJustine phenom "Jordan"
• YouTube response videos of Jordan's fans reacting to her ordeal
  
• Various references to message boards and social networking sites (you know the ones)

I don't mind all of these things in my movies. I laugh when Spyder Crawler or FrienderZ show up. Making an internet UGC movie without mentioning the obvious brands they reference is a staple. I mean you can't just say Twitter you know? The beauty of iCrime is it taps into a generation spoon fed info via 160 characters at a time. The Nancy Drew mystery Carrie investigates is a wee bit ridiculous but Sara Fletcher's performance was stellar and her presence onscreen negates any ridiculousness we see.

A few supporting roles from Zeffer (Carrie's possible love interest), Stefy her cousin looking for another big break, Raychel a fellow blogger and Jordan the web star are solid as they are just outright cardboard cutouts of a teen Lifetime movie of the week.

As Carrie searches for the truth, she also goes onto side quests that got distracting. From a blackmail plot of her cousin, to Hollywood insider parties she attends, to the budding relationship between her and lovable goofball Zeffer to ultimately the final reveal, it's a mish mash of filler scenes that got a bit convoluted. Fonte may have overloaded his script in his debut film with all these plot lines. In doing so he forgot to develop the characters into something more than caricatures. Carrie ultimately reveals a slew of problems she's dealing with, but all I cared about was the kidnapping gone awry. The twist can be predicted without a degree in sixth sense powers but it's as MovieLover1992 says: Srlsy I was so shocked!

That's not to say the it isn't fun to watch.

iCrime is filled with various LOLs that kept the movie moving. Fletcher does such a good job of being the champion of anti-fakeiness it becomes addicting. She's got that girl next door look, has various "cool" outfits and smokes...alot. The supporting players though one dimensional are still interesting and the movie has a decent soundtrack (including a live punk rock performance) It's a perfect film for the millennial generation as the web and CW-ish plot are easy to buy into. Occasionally, I like watching betrayal soaps with an interweb style that can be consumed in easily digestible morsels. Yeah I said it.

It's a credit for iCrime to deliver an indie movie that knows how to speak that Millennial language. Sometimes you feel like watching something that "MovieLover1992" and "SelenaLovesKyle6" are gonna love. There's no shame in that.

Nude-ipedia

Nada...but some PG-13 cleavage. Does that count?

WTF moment

Srly that ending OMG! FTW!

The Jaded Viewer's Final Prognosis

iCrime is being released via Breaking Glass Pictures via their Vicious Circle Films brand. It'll be out on DVD on September 27th. The DVD will include Deleted Scenes and runs about 103 minutes.

The inner millennial in you is itching to see this. It's up to you to decide if you should listen to that voice.

The Vitals

• The official site
• Breaking Glass Pictures (iCrime page)
• DVD available for Pre-Order today at www.breakingglasspictures.com
• Follow iCrime on Twitter
• Visit iCrime Facebook page

Rating:
1/2

Check out the trailer below.

Categories: breaking glass pictures, crime thriller, independent cinema, indie film, thriller

Respire (Review)

Respire

Respire (2009)

Directed by David A. Cross

[screener via MTI Home Video]

Do you know how many indie horror movies are made every year?

Actually, I don't really know but I think it's quite alot. Some get decent distribution, while others slowly descent into dollar bin hell. I say this because I probably wouldn't have heard or seen Respire without a help of MTI's PR arm.

But I always give a fair shake for indie horror and so I loaded up the movie while I was waiting for my pizza to arrive.

Respire is clearly an indie production with full scale DIY. I would say it's a mid budget for an indie film. It's clearly ambitious with a story revolving around a mysterious box that holds secrets that unfold throughout the film. The thing about a film that tries too hard, is well it tries too hard. Respire treads on so many horror genres, it felt like like a movie montage. Mystery, thriller, slasher and infection subgenres are blended into a decent coherent film.

Boring Plot-O-Matic

The Ancient Romans believed that the soul escaped one's body with the last breath. It was believed that last breath held the power to cure disease and prolong life. In 1930's, Dr. Robert Kaminsky devoted his life to finding out how to harness the power in the last breath. Susan Jordan owns a local novelty shop. One item in her shop, an antique box once owned by Doctor Kaminsky, draws the interest of two men: Raif Collins who hopes it's contents can save his dying sister, and Alex Poe whose motives are more mysterious. Susan quickly finds herself in a perilous struggle to protect the box and the secrets that it holds.

Awesome Review-O-Matic

The opening montage is a credit to the film as a whole. We see our mysterious box go from our the doctor to various people before it gets to our dear Susan. From USSR, to Americans soldiers, to some hippies in the 60s, to the disco 70s and to the garage sale present day, our box had quite a journey.

The box contains the work of Dr. Kaminsky who has developed a way to catch the last breath before a person dies to cure disease and the terminally ill. It's as of the stars aligned as it ends up with Susan who is dying of a disease herself. She soon discovers its powers and becomes cured of her illness.

Later, two other parties become interested in the box. Each of them with a different agenda on their minds. Soon, the dangers of the vials of breaths are explained, the history is revealed and the twists and turns unfold.

Respire starts off in classic mysterious fashion which I felt was done well. I like a good horror mystery and the pace was nice. Characters were developed and some tension thrown in. But then it all went kablooey. Soon we get a taste of slash and dash (with some decent spatter effects), a mini twizzler twist and then some out of place infection onslaught at the end. The movie just seemed off balance from the middle to the end.

The film is shot well, the performances not over the top and the details are blended in nicely. But the movie tries to do too many things in 90 minutes instead of focusing on doing a few things well. I'm not saying it's a bad film but as I said before way to highly ambitious for what they were trying to do.

Kudos to director David Cross for making a coherent story that had some interesting plot elements and some well rounded characters. Respire brings a bit of creativity to the world of indie horror but if you're looking for something awesome, don't hold your breath.

(see what I did there)

Gore-ipedia

Head trauma
Slice and dice

Nude-ipedia

I thought I saw boobs in some sort of frenetic memory montage. Or it could have been the last movie I saw

WTF moment

How the hell did this small Maryland town get infected so damn quickly?

The Jaded Viewer's Final Prognosis

Respire will be available on DVD and Video on Demand (VoD) from MTI Home Video on February 15th.


The Vitals

• Respire on MTI Home Video
  

Rating:

Check out the trailer.

Categories: 2011 horror movies, independent cinema, indie film, indie horror, mti video, thriller

Exam (Review)

Exam

Exam (2010)

Directed by Stuart Hazeldine

Exam is not a horror flick but more of a psychological thriller. The easy comparison is to say its one of those trapped in one room with some offbeat characters type movie. Like Cube, The Killing Room and others it takes that one setting gimmick and milks it for all its worth.

I have to say I liked it.

When you have one of these one room movies, your characters have to be very interesting. And we get a mish mash of characters from the angry Brit to the muttering Frenchman.

The movie is like the Apprentice but with a more insanity and yet somewhat futuristic feel. The candidates try to decipher what the question may be and do everything they can to solve the final test riddle.

I'm not describing it well so you can read the plot below.

Eight talented candidates have reached the final stage of selection to join the ranks of a mysterious and powerful corporation. Entering a windowless room, where an armed guard keeps watch, they are given 80 minutes to answer one simple question.

The invigilator outlines three very specific rules that they must obey – and if they don't, they will be disqualified:

1. They must not speak to the invigilator or the guard.
2. They must not spoil their papers.
3. They must not leave the room.

The invigilator starts the clock and leaves.The candidates turn over their question papers, only to find that they are completely blank.

Tensions rise as the clock counts down to zero, and each candidate must decide how far they are prepared to go to win the ultimate job.

So who are these candidates?

We got a conniving Brit, a brotha, a Middle Eastern looking dude, a hot blonde, a brunette psych major, an Asian hottie and a muttering Frenchman.

Suffice it to say the Brit takes charge and starts to try to figure out what the question and answer is. Lots of bickering and info is exchanged between all the parties and they try several different methods to see if their papers hold the question.

But suffice it to say, it's filled with lots of old reliable reality show cliche antics, characters and double and triple twists. Exam makes you pay attention to every syllable each character utters, makes you notice the room they are in and has some high tense suspense scenes that leave you on edge.

It's like a stage play in form and creates a mythos pretty quickly. Good solid flick that had me go "Ah Ha!"at the end. Sometimes it's those type of flicks that you need to break the monotony of a horror-thon.

Rating:
1/2

Categories: 2010 horror dvd, 2010 horror movies, british horror, independent cinema, indepentent horror, the killing room, thriller

Donkey Punch (Review)

Donkey Punch

Donkey Punch (2008)

Directed by Oliver Blackburn

Does this look familiar?

Group of young hot coeds go on vacation + fucked up shit happens (somebody dies) + normal dudes turn into evil psychopaths = Donkey Punch.

See? The UK can make generic horror just like the good ole US of A.

With a title liked Donkey Punch, you'd hope the Brits would go extreme-o with this type of sexual horror gone awry. However, they obviously don't and go the same generic route of formulaic horror and become an outright B-grade copycat of Dead Calm and all the other horror hijinks (maybe hikink?) on the high seas.

If this was made in America, it would be called The Yacht or Dead Water. It wouldn't have any sex in it, most certaintly be PG-13 and star one token black guy. Yes folks. It would be The Hills meets Dead Calm. I'm thinking Tara Reid as the blonde....maybe Freddy Prinze Jr. as the evil captain.

Oh oh. I can hear the Hollywood remake machine. Fuck.

Boring Plot-O-Matic

After meeting at a nightclub in a Mediterranean resort, seven young adults decide to continue partying aboard a luxury yacht in the middle of the ocean. But when one of them dies in a freak accident, the others argue about what to do, which leads to a ruthless fight for survival.

Awesome Review-O-Matic

[Cue Gilligan's Island theme song]

Just sit right back & you’ll hear a tale, a tale of a fateful trip
That started from this Spanish tropic port aboard this tiny yacht ship.
The mate was a mighty sailing man, The skipper evil for sure.
Six passengers set sail that day for an orgy, drug fueled tour,
an orgy, drug fueled tour

The sex started getting rough, the large blonde chick was donkey punched,
If not for the evil of the fearless crew
The audience would be bored,
The audience would be bored.

The final girls started running around while everybody went nuts
With Tammi,
Lisa too,
Sean and Josh,
The DJ

The Lawyer and Kim,

Here on Donkey Punch Isle

OK that didn't turn out too good. But overall that sums up the movie in a nutshell. Lets make fun of the characters ok?

1.) Final Girl Mary Ann (not her name but lets go with the Gilligan theme ok?)
2.) Movie Star big boobies, blonde chick
3.) Brunette with short hair that looks like that Survivor chick who was in that movie with Rob Schneider
4.) Some Gilligan looking guy in a light blue shirt that does the donkey punch
5.) DJ guy who does his best Ali G impersonation
6.) Skipper/captain guy
7.) Another dude in a white shirt

Let me start off by saying I needed subtitles. Sometimes you can't understand even Brits speaking english with the level of slang and heavy accents vocalizing all over the place mate.

The movie is at 1 hour and 40 minutes. Seriously? I think the extra 10 minutes was because of the sex scene. Which honestly is why any horror hound would be intrigued to see this flick.

So as our 3 really dumb Brit chicks accept an offer from some rich, young Brit dudes to go aboard their yacht and do drugs, you can see this is going to Natalie Holloway into really bad fuckedupness. Soon we see the hot blonde chick get double teamed and she gets donkey punched to death while another couple are skinemaxing on the couch. Still thinking of the sex scene? Yeah Metacafe!

Watch some of the gratuitous sex scene below:



Donkey Punch - Funny home videos are a click away


You good? Soon we go into coverup mode as everybody doesn't want to go to jail. Lots of talking, threatening speeches, yada yada yada and we get to some stabs o plenty from the generic horror vending machine.

So our Gore-ipedia includes a stab to the shoulder, flare kaboom! and a rotor to the neck. Yawn. I've seen more gore from an episode of The Simpsons Treehouse of Horrors.

Soon our goody two shoes final girl and her BFF are trying to figure out ways to escape the yacht from hell. Horror-rity ensues until we get to the uber anti climactic ending. The movie is more thriller on the high seas than a gorehound's delight. It just didn't seem to go clickity click on any of my "wow" radar. At least we got to see some boobies.

Nude-ipedia

Umm see the scene above dummy

WTF moment

Rotor to the neck by Survivor chick didn't make any fuckin sense

The Jaded Viewer's Final Prognosis

Dude the donkey punch scene does not live up to the hype. I'm sure you can find it online. Surrounding this high level of gratuitous nudity and sex is another B grade Caucasian horror film that could very well be on Skinemax real soon.

Best if you catch it then. 2 spinkicks for being at least watchable for what it was trying to do. At least it wasn't about teen vampires.

Rating:

Check out the trailer.








Tags:
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Categories: dead calm, donkey punch, donkey punch review, donkey punch sex act, donkey punch sex scene, gratuitous nudity, nudity, thriller, UK horror

Bitch Slap (New Trailer)

The 2nd trailer for Bitch Slap looks waaaaay better than the first. More explosions, more action, more cleavage!

Woohoo!

Check out the trailer below.






Tags:
bitch slap, bitch slap trailer , bitch slap unrated uncensored trailer , faster pussycat kill kill kill, b-movie, grindhouse, exploitation film, gratuitous nudity, top horror movie 2008, muscle car movies, big boobs, horror blog,cult classic, the jaded viewer

Categories: b-movie, bitch slap, bitch slap trailer, btitch slap new trailer, exploitation, gratuitous nudity, grindhouse, muscle cars, quentin tarantino, thriller, top movies of 2009