OK don't all hate me at once. But I'll admit, I thought Postal wasn't half bad. I know it's the "cool" thing to hate on the Uwe Boll. And indeed, all his movies based on video games sucked like a newborn on her mommy's boobies. But before I bash the German goremeister, I have made it a point to actually see the flick before I trash it.
And I've seen House of the Dead, Alone in the Dark, Bloodrayne and Dungeon Seed (and yes they all have sucked). I haven't seen Tunnel Rats, Far Cry and Stoic as of yet. Just because everybody says it sucks doesn't mean I'm joining the damn bandwagon. I'm going to be the fuckin triangle in the square hole and think otherwise.
So after watching the trailer for Rampage, it actually looks pretty fucked up (like happy good fucked up). It actually reminded me of a movie by Boll's special effects master Olaf Ittenbach called Poison (watch the trailer here)
Here be the plot.
A man with a thirst for revenge builds a full body armor from Kevlar and goes on a killing spree.
Check out the trailer below. Rampage will premiere at the Fantasic Fest in Texas.
Uwe Boll has been called a lot of stuff. People are determined to stop him.
The but in the context of the bizarro world of Boll films, I have to admit, Postal was actually fuckin tolerable.
Filled with such John Waters disgust and offensive material that puts South Park to shame, it's a parody of controversial insanity.
Who wants to make a good movie really when you could just show kids getting shot to death?
And we should all go to hell when we all laugh at that right?
Boring Plot-O-Matic
In the ironically named city of Paradise, a recently laid-off loser teams up with his cult-leading uncle to steal a peculiar bounty of riches from their local amusement park; somehow, the recently arrived Taliban have a similar focus, but a far more sinister intent.
Awesome Review-O-Matic
A real review would be giving Uwe Boll my precious time and internet blog space. Instead, I'll cut to the chase and list all the fucked up shit in the movie. I mean, that's really what you wanted to read about right?
Actually funny shit.....
1.) Opening fucked up 9/11 scene and "virgin controversy" 2.) Hot, scantily clad naked hotties 3.) Random "postal" shootout massacres 4.) Crotchy dolls 5.) Little Germany amusement park 6.) Multiple kids getting their asses shot 7.) The cops fucked up activities
Just vulgar, dumb or fucked up shit.....
1.) Dave Foley's dick 2.) Fat woman porn 3.) Verne Troyer being a fuckin dumb ass 4.) Taliban and Osama Bin Laden parodies 5.) Insane, really over the top shootouts 6.) Uwe Boll cameo 7.) The cops fucked up activities 8.) The entire movie
This movie was actually 100 minutes. Seriously, that's 1 hour and 40 minutes I had to endure of a Uwe Boll film. But, for the first time I wasn't trying to rip my eyeballs apart. Yeah its fuckin offensive and vulgar and outright ridiculous, but I'd rather be watching this than some actual attempt of Uwe trying to turn Grand Theft Auto into a movie.
We still have to stop you Uwe. You really must stop making movies.
Gore-ipedia (if you want to be shocked don't read)
Gunshot wounds (multiple) Suicide Bomber splatter A alot of gunshot trauma
Nude-ipedia (because you like boobies)
Very hot naked hippie cult hotties show off their boobies
WTF moment Child-a-cide
The Jaded Viewer's Final Prognosis
Stop making movies Uwe. We know your movies are funded by Nazi gold. So why don't you just remake Women of the SS or some shit. It can star Kristanna Loken because we really need to see her naked.
You've got the power to get her to be naked onscreen.
OK don't all hate me at once. But I'll admit, I thought Postal wasn't half bad. I know it's the "cool" thing to hate on the Uwe Boll. And indeed, all his movies based on video games sucked like a newborn on her mommy's boobies. But before I bash the German goremeister, I have made it a point to actually see the flick before I trash it.
Posts
