the jaded viewer

Is that a nipple?

I've neglected far too long the Erotica part of the jaded viewer tagline. So, this post is rectify the situation and to go all nostalgia for my jaded viewers who are old enough to remember the days of scrambled porn.

If you were like me, back in the late 80s and early 90s when you got your first cable box you were like a kid celebrating Christmas. These teen years were full of awe and wonder...and the search for free porn. With cable, gone were the days of finding a Playboy in your friend's fathers secret stash. Now you had to find that friend who had a illegal descrambled cable box or didn't give a shit and ordered that pricey Spice Channel.

But we all had the same methods to get a glimpse of a boob or something simulating that would be stimulating. I've compiled the list below from various message boards on the Internet that we all remember vividly on what we did to get our fix.

• The closest thing to the Spice Channel was HBO After Dark. Red Shoe Diaries and the like were a taste of the Skinemax
  
  
• During the day, the Spice channel was "The Box" a music video channel where you called in and ordered a music video you wanted to hear (shit was 99 cents!) (One time, it was all Wu Tang all the time because of me)
  
  
• If you kept flipping the Spice channel back and forth with another channel, there were times you could get 5 seconds of footage. Of course it usually was 5 seconds of a fully clothed couple kissing or *gasp* reciting cheesy sensual dialogue
  
  
• You got the audio to work only and never was moaning and groaning so wonderful to a 13 year old's ears
  
  
• Sometimes, you'd even get a full few minutes of Spice channel unscrambled and you'd search for a blank tape, pop it into your VCR and tape that motherfucker but by the time you pressed record and play (you remember taping shit in a VCR, SLP Mode!), it'd be fuckin gone
  
  
• When the channel was started for late night programming, you'd get the beginning of a movie they were featuring...sometimes for like 10 minutes...then it would go all scrambly
  
  
• You'd be at your friend's house who owned an illegal cable box and when his parents were out of the room, you'd switch from wrestling to the Playboy or Spice channel
  

Alas, all these problems were solved as you got older. I'm sure all of you at some point found your dad's secret stash of vintage 70s porn or horded all those early Victoria Secret catalogs. And admit it, that Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue was the fuckin bomb. I remember there was a sports magazine called Inside Sports that had a more graphic swimsuit issue than SI's. Classy they were not.

So what did you miss? Well thanks to "Wildcock23" from YouTube, you can finally view what you missed all those years. And it looks to not be much. **SHIVERS** Oh 90s pornstars had big hair, were kinda fat and a wee bit hairy. And you gotta love the pun names (Sindee Cox!)

Wow after viewing some of the vids below, the Spice Channel had some odd programming and some hilarious parody movies. Can you believe you stayed up until 1am for this? Check out the footage......all finally unscrambled. SFW BTW.


Oh oh. It's Sexual Anarchy!



He's Passenger 69!



Pizza Pizza! By the Slice!



Check out more videos here.

So do you have any memories you'd like to share? I'm guessing you're all too embarrassed to admit it. Gone are the days of rejoicing if you saw a side boob at 2am. Share your thoughts.

Labels: 70s porn trailers, gratuitous nudity, nudity, porn, porn stars, porn trailers, pornstar, spice channel, unscrambled cable

Posted by the jaded viewer on Friday, February 11, 2011 at 11:00 AM | Permalink