Showing posts with label vhs. Show all posts
Showing posts with label vhs. Show all posts

Monday, August 26, 2013

You're Next (Review)

You're Next

You're Next (2013)

Directed by Adam Wingard

I won't lie. I've been waiting to see this film for a while. The festival buzz was high and I've been a big fan of director of Adam Wingard for a while since his Home Sick, Pop Skull and his short film type days. After seeing VHS and VHS 2, I was a little worried Wingard's shorts were not up to par on what I knew he was capable of.

But with You're Next, Wingard steps up to the spotlight and shines brightly  like his other film making brethren. You're Next shakes up the home invasion genre with well timed quips, brutality & twisty goodness. It's what I've been waiting for in a horror film all year. A film that's refreshingly creative, viciously brutal and takes its audience for a helluva ride.

I don't know what to call the V/H/S horror troupe made up of Wingard, writer Simon Barret, filmmakers Ti West and Joe Swanberg. Most of You're Next is made of collaborators and actors who been in previous Wingard films. Should we call them Horror X?  Oddly this is an indie horror flick with Lion's Gate marketing. That's saying something.

You're Next does the opposite of what you think the generic home invasion movie will do. Though it introduces a goody two shoes family and a cadre of masked up bad guys it also will explain to us why this is all happening. It's because of this and not a "Because you were home" nonsensical answer that makes You're Next slickly executed and fun. Ill timed humor and some wicked kills also play a part in what is probably one of the best horror films of the year.

Boring Plot-O-Matic

When the Davison family comes under attack during their wedding anniversary getaway, the gang of mysterious killers soon learns that one of victims harbors a secret talent for fighting back. 

Awesome Review-O-Matic

I've watched a lot of home invasion movies. From Them (Ils), Funny Games, The Strangers, Martyrs, Inside to Kidnapped it's always been hit or miss with me. I like the nihilistic original Funny Games. I felt Haneke was saying something. I despised The Strangers and Kidnapped.

And I easily put them into two categories. One where the home invasion is deeply rooted in some sort of violent message. The other where brutality is not backed up by any iota of motive.

You're Next is in a 3rd mixing the two. So what were the ingredients to this masterpiece?
 
Instructions are below.

PREP TIME
15 Min (grab some popcorn and hold on tight)
COOK TIME
1 Hr 38Min
READY IN
30 Min (that's when the shit gets good)

INGREDIENTS

1 secluded house in a the middle of nowhere America
1 dysfunctional family dragging their SO's to a potential slaughter
3 demented, disturbed, twisted, fucked up killers in animal masks
1 Barbara Crampton
1 twist that makes you go WTF
1 other twist that makes you go WTF fuckity fuck...holy mother of fuck
30 gallons of blood and guts

Heaping, oozing, gloroficus blood soaked splatter spoonfuls of the following:

A few arrows in the head
1 sharp object through the head
1 sledgehammer to the the head
1 neck trauma
and more!
 
DIRECTIONS

Put all ingredients together. Stir continuously until house is soaked and dripping with blood. Throw in twizzler twisters. Bake at 350 degrees until movie makes you say "Oh shit, that's fucked up." Movie is done when you start cheering for the final girl.

Best served cold.

******************************************************************
What makes You're Next a winner is the fact that it plays within the stereotypes of the home invasion genre. Got the super wealthy family? Check. Got the pacifist brother (AJ Bowen)? The over achieving brother (Joe Swanberg)? The ditzy sister? All check. Even Ti West makes an appearance that will make your head hurt.

But the standout performance is Sharni Vinson's Erin, an Australian who will make her impact known by showing she's a GIRL that can FINALly show what's what. It's weird getting an explanation of why Erin is the perfect adversary for the invaders but it works so well. She plays her heroine chic so well, I thought they were going to tell me she was a Hack/Slash professional F.G.

Then there's the why. Because we usually don't get why the home invaders do what they do. And in the midst of this chaos, we see who really is eviler when the Big Bad is ultimately revealed. Twisty goodness is great and in extreme doses it works better.

A few cliches are thrown in and as I watched with this predominant millennial generation I could hear the gasps of somebody checking underneath the bed, leaving somebody alone in a room and the sighs once somebody went hysterical. The Generation Y horror fan has been conditioned with these cliches and I could hear the groans and grumbles once these were executed.

But that's when Wingard's brilliance comes in. He slyly executes his "scares" by strategically placing them in moments of lull. The one that comes to mind is when one family member makes a Million Dollar man like sprint that ends with a death Jigsaw would be proud of. It's superbly executed that it borders on laughable. Later, cat and mouse games are in full Stratego mode and they all have brutal mayhem payoffs that make you giggle like a school girl.

All the performances are stereotypically cliched and over the top that only the well versed horror fan might get the satire on display. Wingard seems to play with this dynamic making sure the people we are suppose to hate will die horrible horrible deaths. But it's the ones we have a rooting interest for are where the applause meter is lit up and we oblige happily.

You're Next is the perfect mix of black humor, wicked kills and perfectly timed WTFs. It's a horror film for the generation that expects the horror cliches, archetypes and vicious mayhem but throws in curve balls, LOLs and memorable craziness morsels for them to tweet out.

I've been waiting for You're Next for a long time.

The wait is finally over.

It lives up to the hype and for me it's cemented itself in my Top 10 Horror Movies of 2013.

Now go eat up this fuckin tasty dish.

Nude-ipedia

Some opening steam boobies

Gore-ipedia

See the spoonfuls above

WTF moment


The twizzler twists

The Jaded Viewer's Final Prognosis


There is great horror coming from Horror X. If You're Next is your first taste, you won't be disappointed. It's got all the elements of Cabin in the Woods meets The Strangers. You're Next warrants repeat viewings, it warrants word of mouth praise and it warrants recognition that horror can always reinvent itself when talented filmmakers, writers and actors can collaborate and decide to create something new.

What's next?

 Rating:


Check out the trailer.


 

Monday, June 24, 2013

V/H/S 2 (Review)

V/H/S 2

V/H/S 2 (aka S-V/H/S)

Directed by Simon Barrett (segment "Tape 49") Jason Eisener (segment "Slumber Party Alien Abduction") Gareth Evans (segment "Safe Haven") Gregg Hale (segment "A Ride in the Park") Eduardo Sánchez (segment "A Ride in the Park") Timo Tjahjanto (segment "Safe Haven") Adam Wingard (segment "Phase I Clinical Trials")

If you're a frequent reader of this blog, you'll know I gave the original V/H/S 3 spinkicks. Most of the shorts were good in my opinion and though a little muddled, they showed what the next generation of horror directors could do with a slick collaboration.

I went into seeing VHS 2 knowing it had critical acclaim and one can only wonder if that seeps into the unconscious when reviewing a film. I'll be the first to admit I tend to get influenced by the Rotten Tomatoes or Metacritic rating. But hell, I went against that when I praised VHS.

So now after seeing the sequel, I'm in a place I was before. It's a solid anthology that delivers a taste of the mild, the hardcore and the fantastic. What you get with this collaboration is a film that edges the original just based on originality, blood and guts and more amped up WTF. Found footage in VHS 2 is just the wraparound. The 1st person forced perspective is the next evolutionary step and here we see it utilized well and not so well.

Clearly we get a mixed bag but the pure ingenuity in some of these shorts must be graded on a curve. Kudos to Bloody Disgusting Brad Miska for producing and delivering a reemergence of the anthology.

Boring Plot-O-Matic

Searching for a missing student, two private investigators break into his house and find collection of VHS tapes. Viewing the horrific contents of each cassette, they realize there may be dark motives behind the student's disappearance. 

Awesome Review-O-Matic


Well here be some mini reviews of each segment and a letter grade for each. Shorts are listed in the order as they appear in the film (though I think I'm forgetting the order now)

Tape 49/frame narrative (Simon Barett)


The private eyes segment starts with boobs in your face but is usually the weakest of the inter spliced shorts. Clearly better than the first wrap around in the original, it's your standard VHS tape spookiness with some clear The Ring influences to get your jump scares.

Grade: C

Phase I Clinical Trials (Adam Wingard)

Again my excitement stemmed from getting my Wingard fix in VHS 2. A man with an eye transplant starts seeing ghosts though believes it to be glitches in the software of his untested implant. The forced perspective of "eyeview" provides glimpses of faraway ghosts, one being a creepy man and a little girl. Later joined by a an ear-psychic hot girl, they soon realize technology is NSA-ing into another dimension. Nothing new on this front. Just some old fashioned Paranormal Activity spooks and scares.

Grade: C

A Ride in the Park (Gregg Hale/Eduardo Sanchez)

Sanchez and Hale are your found footage pioneers (via The Blair Witch Project) and it's awesome to see them back in the sub genre they started. With this short, one can only wonder how in the world have we not seen this originality...well ever. A biker with a camera attached to his helmet unfortunately wanders into the zombie woods and tries to escape. But our hero becomes our anti-hero hero zombie hero.Got that? Infected, we see the wonders and hilarity that ensue when we get the zombie's point of view.


On the oh shit that's awesome scale, this is zombie vs shark type awesomeness. Brilliantly written and directed by the founding fathers, we see the chaos unfold at a kid's party and the utter sadness of being a zombie. Ridiculously LOL moments throughout that make you wonder why nobody has ever done this before.

Grade: A


Safe Haven (Gareth Evans/Timo Tjahjanto)

If you've never seen the The Raid: Redemption, go watch it now. I'll wait. You one? Wasn't that awesome? OMG too awesome. With Safe Haven, I had to figure out how in the world Gareth Evans would do something horror-y. Clearly, were back in Indonesia/Thailand? for some very fucked up reason. And as short unfolds telling us of a Branch Davidian like cult, you start to realize this is going to end well. The news crew all equipped with hidden cameras on their clothing interview a manic cult leader and visit the compound where it seems they are in final preparations for something big. When the chaos begins, all hell breaks loose.
Evans dresses up the suicide cult with all the brainwashed angst we love and the frenetic pace and movement of a fight scene that's actually a "I gotta run away from these fucked up cult members".

It's pure brilliance than turns in WTF that turns into OMG. Who knew this would be one of the stellar shorts in VHS 2?
 
Grade: A

Slumber Party Alien Abduction (Jason Eisener)

I'm hoping all of you have seen Hobo with a Shotgun by now. Eisener's fake trailer turned full length movie is what indie horror is all about. With Slumber Party Alien Abduction, you have all the elements of taking the ordinary wacky pre teens and older sister dynamic and getting our Fire in the Sky on. It borders on the absurd but it's what Eisener clearly is great at. The greys start to attack our tweenage boys, the teenage older sister and her boyfriend until were left with a boy and his dog.It's a bit too weird for my tastes and seem out of place for a horror film.

Not great and one of the oddest choices to end VHS 2.

Grade: C

*********************************************************************

VHS 2 is like an appetizer sampling of the who's who in the next crop of the Internet generation's horror alumni. You may not like all the shorts but the one's you do, hopefully will enable you to see watch the director or writer's other films. Wingard is coming out with You're Next which I'm excited to see. VHS 2 is definitely better than it's predecessor focusing more laughs than scares. The monsters are out and about in VHS 2 and that's definitely a good thing. With few shorts, the movie gives more time for each segment to set up.

A Ride in the Park and Safe Haven are standouts and should be seen by any self serving horror fan.

With VHS 2, the found footage/POV film is alive and well and the pioneers and the colonists are still making sure it stays that way.

Nude-ipedia

Yes and it's awesomely gratuitous (well look at that. I copied what I wrote in my last VHS review)

Gore-ipedia

Lots of it. You're momma would be proud. (ditto!)

WTF moment


The ending for Safe Haven.

The Jaded Viewer's Final Prognosis

VHS is now out on VOD and in theaters on 7/12. Head over to the official site via Magnet Releasing and Facebook page.


Rating:
 

Check out the trailer.

Monday, January 21, 2013

Top 10 Horror Movies of 2012


Well here it is...as always in the middle of January my Top Horror Movies of 2012! Sorry for taking so long to get this posted but I had to catch up on some of the movies I missed this year (yet again) I usually look at other bloggers and horror site's lists and watch the movies that I missed.

This year, there is no #11-20 list. I just didn't see that many movies this year. It was one of those years I just lacked on the horror movie watching as well as the blogging. My apologies for the low number of posts this year. I know many people use what I post here to see movies I recommend and what they missed. I promise I'll try to be better this year.

My list has few movies that have appeared on others but I do put a spin on the order. I had a different take on what was considered "the best" this  year and my picks are totally abnormal from everybody else. I'm just quirky that way.

First some fun facts and sidenotes!
  • Though some of these movies came out in 2011, I label any movie that got  wide releases or DVD releases in 2012 as coming out in 2012.

  • It's a mix of indie horror and theatrical releases but mostly indies.

  • I missed seeing some theatrical and indie horror movies but you have to rank what you saw so that's what I'm doing.

  • The top 10 films broken down by country: USA = 5, UK=2, Canada=1, Australia=1, Spain=1, 

  • The 10 films broken down by spinkick rating: 4 spinkicks=3, 3 and 1/2 spinkicks= 3, 3 spinkicks=4
  • There are a record 4 spinkick movies on this list!

  • A movie that had 4 spinkicks doesn't necessarily mean it was better.

  • To read the entire review of the film click on the title.

So what did 2012 offer us in the world of horror?

  • This list is dominated by independent horror films (again)

  • In a twist, there are no movies from the Pacific
  • Sequels and remakes dominated Hollywood yet again...and I'm fuckin bored of it.

  • Everybody has Cabin in the Woods on their lists.

  • The number one movie on my list is from the USA for the second straight year!!! (can you believe it???)

I take it some of picks will lead to WTF faces and "you're fuckin crazy". Isn't that the fun of these year end Top 10s? Let's get to the list! Here are some honorable mentions.

The Walking Dead (Season 3): Loved the first half of S3.
The Dead: Great African zombie film.
I missed a lot of great mainstream and indie horror films this year. I hope to get caught up soon.

OK now on to the list!


10.) V/H/S (3 spinkicks)

VHS somehow pulls off what amounts to a mega punch in the stomach. 5 segments, each directed by a film veteran are wrapped around a plot of a group of kids looking for a mysterious VHS tape in a seemingly creepy house. Though not all the shorts are great, each one is solid and creative enough to put you on the edge of your seat. The shaky cam will get you reaching for the Dramamine and the acting is highly questionable. Think Troma stiffboardines.
But aside from it's drawbacks (another being which short would anchor the ending) it delivers on a promise of being a "back to the roots" kind of underground horror. Splashes of monsters, home invasion, Paranormal Activity phenomenon are just a few of the things you'll see. But the overall theme seemed to be douchebags getting their comeuppance. We all like seeing drunk, horny, misogynistic miscreant fuck ups getting slaughtered by the obvious vixen in the bottle and VHS delivers just that.

VHS is a feel good throwback to an 80s style grindhouse. Gore and nudity, the staples of any horror breakfast are plentiful and wrapped around in stories that will make every horror fan smirk and applause with delight.




9.) [Rec] 3 Genesis (3 spinkicks)

Rec 3 is clearly the lull before the storm. I'm hoping  Jaume Balaguero will go all out crazy with Rec Apocalypse to end this series on a good note. Most horror fans, bloggers and critics are caught in the middle with Rec 3 as it pulls into a totally different direction than the first 2. But you have to admit, from the traditional filmmaking and the POV mixed in and a wedding day that you won't soon forget it really does pack some line dancing hilarity and oozes kegs of blood.

I think the fun in Rec 3 is mixing those two together and somehow the series feels Rec-ish but has something new to offer. At 120 minutes, it's not like we had scenes of drawn out nothingness. Everything in Rec 3 is paced with some scares and funions, the acting is delightful and the gore and splatter are plentiful.

What's not to like? Thank goodness they didn't start dancing Gangnam Style. I would have just shut the movie off right then and there.






8.) Maniac (Remake 2012) (3 spinkicks)

 Maniac is a far departure of the normal horror movies in the indie circuit. It's a brutal and relentless 90 minute first person point of view of a slasher doing slasher things. With it's POV gimmick, it clearly forces you to LOOK directly at the horrific kills without a cutaway. It's this forced perspective that during the course of the movie makes you in every way live the life of Frank, our intrepid killer. The horror he creates is far from playing a Call of Duty game. It's realistically sickening and oddly sympathetic as Elijah Wood's performance transcends the Joe Spinnell one in an American Psycho sorta way.

Once you get over the fact it's a remake that follows the originals story, the POV hitch, and that it takes place in Los Angeles (say what?) it is a unique piece of horror cinema. I was shocked by how it made me care about this misogynistic motherfucker, his past and his longing for companionship. From it's shocking opening  to it's WTF ending, you can't ignore Maniac's rawness of bring a serial killer movie into a whole new level.





7.) Kill List (3 spinkicks)

On the surface, Kill List looks to be your standard five and dime crime thriller. Underworld goons doing their trade eliminating threats for $$. But as I thought about the film after watching it, you start seeing the layers underneath Kill List that enable you to see a movie that has more than meets the eye.

Kill List is a film that slowly burns you into a look into the life of a retired hit man and scopes out a world where his past, his present and his future all collide into an orgy of madness. It's an interesting journey seeing a drama, gore soaked slaughter and a Wicker Man-ish horror flick all blended into one. Sure there is a twist at the end and numerous unanswered questions which make you go WTF but it stills hit you harder than a hail of bullets.

What you'll get from Kill List is a character study of a soldier turned assassin who elects to try to live as a normal but it seems PTSD and pure conditioning to kill are not as easy to shut down when you get home. There is pure hell to pay for the sins of your past and it seems mysterious forces want have molded our hit man's world into their own.

Kill List is a solid flick that may seem like Pulp Fiction without the glitz and glamour. And for that it gets high marks for showing me a touch of all the genres I love from the UK.





6.) Excision (3 spinkicks)

In Excision, Richard Bates debut film based on his short, a coming of age story on a volcano of WTF. Delusional and dreamlike, Excision is suburban America macabre, weirdness with a smile and a bloody mouth. It feels American Mary-ish but less grown up. Which isn't really a bad thing. I would say it would be this years The Woman, where we see the suburban darkness in a Tim Burton like universe.


Excision is that little film that questions our American values and whether or not we can find happiness in who we are and whether or not we can do it while were a little bit crazy.

Underneath the prototypical family is a world we don't necessarily see. Everybody is a bit crazy, has dreams that would make the most alpha male cringe but we hide those feelings and those thoughts deep into the trenches of our brain.

Some people let it all out and show the world who they really are. So who's really normal huh?






5.)  I Am A Ghost (4 spinkicks)

 Mendoza's I Am a Ghost is a slow burn ghost story that channels all the suspense of Kubrick film and releases it's madness Ti West style. You have to admire a film that throwsback to a cinematic style of vintaginess and still delivers. Add the fact the entire movie is centrally focused on one character, Emily (Anna Ishida) and in one setting, an old Victorian house and it's a bit risky endeavor. But that's why indie horror is a frontier. You'll never know if it will work if you don't try right?

I Am a Ghost plays with the viewer, forcing a WTF in every brief but cryptic scene until it slowly lets you in on the secrets that plague our dear Emily. Like a non linear jigsaw puzzle, all the pieces begin to make sense as the picture progresses (the eggs!!!) and once you see the entirety of the film, it's quite a sight to behold. It's full of chilling moments, superb acting and a twizzer twist on the ghost genre.

Mendoza's story could easily draw comparisons to The Sixth Sense, The Others and The Innkeepers but that would be a disservice. What this film does is create a sense of dread, hopelessness and mystery and reveals a young woman's disturbing secret has not been eliminated in death. It's a journey through a photographic album of a life that was full of hardship and pain, where our instinctive nature to see a happy ending won't be answered. The very nature of the ghost story is that it is suppose to scare you. But here we are in a comforting role though the scares do come in a frenetic ending.






4.)  John Dies at the End (3 spinkicks)

John Dies at the End is all that is great with indie horror cinema. It's full of wacky and memorable characters and every scene oozes more WTF from the last. It is Bill and Ted but for horror fans. The premise is so kooky, it's like you're seeing a mental patients wet dream. What JDATE does is really smack you with 80s horror ingenuity, spew out comedic literature a mile a minute while making sure you have no idea what's going to happen next.

It's really a fun horror comedy that is this year's Tucker and Dale. Dave and John (our main protagonists) are a dynamic duo who tackle apocalyptic evil in a most hilarious way possible. I had a feeling John Dies would be on my Top 10 list of 2012.

Once I finished seeing it, I knew exactly where to put it. 

It's one of the best movies of 2012 as it hits all the right notes on how effective indie horror can be when you can take the source material and be faithful to the essence of why it's a cult classic. Yes John Dies will be the strangest horror movie you will see this year. But it's the drug you need to take.






3.) The Loved Ones (4 spinkicks)

The Loved Ones is the perfect combination of sour and sweet. One moment your seeing all  hell break bloody loose and the next you're watching the nostalgia of prom night. It's the two perspectives on a special night, one that is awkwardly normal and the other straight out of a bizarro horror world. Our protagonist Brent gets the latter and it's been a while since I openly rooted for our final guy to get his revenge served cold.

This is the movie horror fans will call a cult classic and the ones horror fans will recommend to their causal movie fan friends. Prom has always had hijinky and quirky moments. That pesky virginity has to be lost. But you also grow up on that special night. In horror terms, you survive and that's all that counts.


Whatever you may think, The Loved Ones cements what I love about horror movies. Sometimes watching over an hour of hardcore horror is way too much. Intersperse it with scenes of juvenile American Pie jokes and it lessens the eye strain. The way the Loved Ones completes its plot and story arc make it feel like you watched a damn good stand alone episode of Carrie but Australian.

We'll get our prom gone all fucked up this year when Carrie goes all telekinetic, but if you want your fix now, I highly recommend you watch The Loved Ones as soon as you can. It's as good as getting a hole in your head.






2.) American Mary (4 spinkicks)

American Mary is without a doubt one of the best movies of 2012. It is a dissection into the world of body modification that takes a wrong, dreadful turn for the worst. Full of long lasting scenes of female empowerment taken to the limits, it is by far the most powerful, stylized and slickest look into one woman's journey from hopeful optimism to a revenge served cold despotism. The Soska Sisters have created a horror film that is light years ahead of their previous effort. With American Mary, they give us a Joss Whedon like character study into Mary (Katharine Isabelle), who we will see grow up and find her place in the world after experiencing severe trauma.

Never have I seen a movie that delves into this subculture, treats it respectfully and slices in a perfect horror movie inside. I guarantee American Mary will etch it's way into cult status. It's perfect blend of sly black humor, absurd and eerie characters and torturous scenes of pain and agony that equal a milkshake of cult awesomeness.

Horror movies have just grown up in a big way thanks to American Mary.



And the #1 Horror Movie of 2012 is...........






1.) The Cabin in the Woods (4 spinkicks)

The Cabin in the Woods is the best horror movie of 2012. To go even further, it probably is the best horror comedy of the last 10 years. My fellow jaded viewers, CITW is better than Scream (sorry Wes) and all its bastard children. Tucker and Dale vs Evil hinted towards a meta aware horror comedy but CITW goes lights years beyond that. Simply and concisely summarized, Cabin is a meta self aware revolutionary horror comedy that takes those structured horror cliches, be it the stereotypical characters, the irrational choices, the set direction and the mythos and goes all man behind the curtain on it.

Joss and Drew go all Wizard of Oz-ing on the horror genre and it's so brilliant, so awesome and so fucking clever you will leave the theater in a state of pure happy happy joy joy bliss and understand why #CabinintheWoodsisEPIC was trending on Twitter. It's a horror reference machine, sending you cameos, trends and cliches a mile a minute and it asks you to get it. Do you get it? Do you understand the parody of what you're seeing? You don't? Then go ask somebody. Go watch the Universal classics, the slasher franchises, the Kubrick masterpiece. Then you'll understand why Cabin is going to spawn it's own genre and some bastard children of it's own.

The Cabin in the Woods will be remembered as a game changer in the world of horror. It's a horror movie within the making of a horror movie. The Whedon elements are pure mythological magic, where he introduces something new to an audience that has long forgotten or chosen to forget why we all love the horror genre.

Goddard and Whedon break down into the slasher formula and ask the questions we've all asked before, during and after the movie. We've always questioned character motivations, absurd coincidences, elaborate backstory and heroic save the day moments but never has it been put in a movie so brilliantly and with such style and and LOL zingers.

A new generation of millennials has now been introduced us to the topsy turvy world of Hellmouth 101.

****************************************************
OK, I know you fellow jaded viewers have your opinions and your own lists. So go ahead and let me know what your top 10 is and what other flicks I may have excluded. Chime in and let me know what you think.

This list of the Top 20 Horror Movies of 2012 also is an opportunity to see the movies you may have missed that made many of the best of 2012 within the horror community. We all missed a few flicks here and there. I hope you all give all of these movies a chance and then come back and let me know what's the what.

The Jaded Viewer Related Linkage

Monday, August 13, 2012

What the hell should I do with my VHS collection?

I did some summer cleaning over the weekend and I realized that packed in boxes I had overlooked is my entire VHS collection. After watching V/H/S a few weeks ago, it seems my generation is now stuck with VHS tapes that are neither valuable as collector's items nor useless as Betamax tapes. VHS tapes sit on that border of being cool nostalgia and being crappy nostalgia.

The funny part is I don't even own a VCR anymore so even if I wanted to watch one of these classic horror flicks I own (like Slashers above) I can't. And really....who has recently watched an entire movie on VHS?

Seriously have you?

I think not.

I can't throw them all away because well, shits fuckin toxic and electronic. There really is no proper way to recycle VHS tapes. Trust me, I've checked out sites and some sites ask you to pay to recycle them. Fuck that. I could Craiglist my collection. Maybe somebody out there wants my copy of Police Story 3. I'm not even sure anybody would want this. I could donate my collection to the Thift shop down the block. I mean would they even accept that?

Sure I know some people would say keep it and display it proudly but I'm kind of limited on space and I think it's about time I free myself of this archaic technology. Like all good things, it's time I let go of my 80s/90s obsession.

So I ask you horror blogosphere and the horror-verse community, what have you done with your VHS collection?

Here are some highlights of my collection.

Coven (autographed copy)
MTV's The State
George Carlin Jammin in NY
Luther the Geek (via Urban Fetch)
I Spit on Your Corpse, I Piss on your Grave (why do I own this?)
Assorted horror cannibal movies via trades (Cannibal Holocaust, Emerald Jungle, Cnnibal Ferox)
Assorted porn

A lot of movies I got via trades back in the 90s and early 00s.

Here are just some of the titles.

Violet Shit trilogy
Premutos
Visitor Q
Lots of Miike movie

Look here is picture of said box. This is one of three boxes.

I have The Matrix and Big Lebowski on VHS tape! Lots of other tapes in the other 2 boxes. Clearly buying movies at horror conventions, making trades and eBaying has resulted in an overload of movies I can never watch anymore.

I need suggestions and ideas on what to do. Where is your VHS collection?

Friday, April 08, 2011

10 Things the Netflix Generation could learn from the VHS Generation

As a man who's experienced 2 generations of home video viewing, I have a distinct view of the past and the present world of home video. I remember the days of going to the video store and renting a movie. I also was one of the very first people to ever sign up for Netflix and take advantage of their 3 DVDs out monthly fee.

Just for full disclosure, I once was banned by Netflix due to "lost DVDs". I never stole any DVDs back in 1999. It just so happen that they got lost in the mail. But I digress. I'm currently not a Netflix member but I know the benefits of Netflix streaming and the like.

In this day of video in demand and instant streaming, somethings been lost in how we find out what movies we want to watch. And the list below is 10 things I think the Netflix generation could learn from the VHS generation.

1.) VHS box art and a vague description sometimes resulted in finding a hidden gem

Sure you can see the artwork and plot on Netflix and you can also view the trailer. But when you had to rely solely on bad artwork, it was like the mystery meat of video stores. You never knew what you'd get and sometimes you'd watch a flick that surprised you.

2.) Be Kind, Rewind

Kids were taught self discipline to rewind their movies or face a hefty (well for kids anyway) fine. But the most important thing about not being able to skip chapters easily was you usually watched a movie straight on through. These days, we sometimes watch a flick over a few days. There is something to be said about having to watch a whole movie all the way. And who didn't have an automatic rewinder?

3.) It's due the next day

When you rented a movie, you watched it the same night as usually new releases had to be returned the same day. The urgency of watching a movie as quickly as possible is non existent these days but getting friends together because you got a copy of the latest new release made it feel like a big deal.

4.) The ability to tape movies from TV

What kid didn't know how to program his VCR by the time he was 8? You knew the difference between LP and SLP and pretty much knew how to edit the commercials out from the movie you were taping (PAUSE right before the break!)

Once you taped that flick, you'd watch it over and over again. These days, you watch a movie once and sometimes fail to appreciate it after multiple viewings. Sure the quality is shit, but the reason why we can quote every line from Indiana Jones or Ghostbusters is because we cherished these movies and watched it over and over again.

5.) Renting a Rated R movie was like robbing a bank

You just had to find that one video store clerk that didn't give a shit and it was money.

6.) You actually watched the classics

I highly doubt the Netflix generation is searching for classics on Netflix. But after perusing the video store for like an hour, you'd end up in the classics and try a flick. In a bullshit statistic I made up, 80% of kids today have never seen Citizen Kane.

7.) Employee recommendations were kinda cool

The Netflix Generation has user ratings and brief reviews. But seeing that shelf dedicated to employee recommendations was like crazy awesome. Sure, some employee picks were utter garbage but sometimes you'd rent a flick from say employee "Jeff" and he had the same taste as you did (remember that Seinfeld episode?). Suddenly, you had a go to guy for movies to rent. "Jeff" was like your movie renting mentor.

8.) The Dollar Bin

Remember that bin in the video store? Where shitty movies go to die? Sometimes, you'd find an awesome flick or a flick you've been looking for in that bin full of crappy movies. It was like finding treasure for 99 cents. Does this place exist today?

9.) The VCR to VCR recording method

Every kid became experts on the component cables (red/yellow and white) Quick quiz: Which wire was for audio? Pretty much how you copied your dad's porn. You became a secret agent when it came to this. Sneaky, techy and resourceful.

10.) The Sci Fi Movies were next to the Horror which was next to the Porn

If you went to any video store in the 80s and 90s, this was the set up. If you ended up through the Adults Only doors, seeing those oversized porn boxes was like heaven. That feeling is long gone. Why were the boxes so big anyway?

*****************************************************************************

Of course, the convenience of being able to stream flicks or have them delivered to your home is 100% more ideal. But it's become a little harder to discover new flicks online without endless browsing as opposed by just walking into a store. Maybe it's nostalgia or the fact I've experienced both generations but the 10 things listed above are subtle reminder of what we lost and what we gained.

It's important we remember that.

Thoughts?


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Monday, October 27, 2008

Rewind: Truth or Dare? A Critical Madness (Trailer and Short)

We at the jaded viewer love the old 80s slasher horror of old. Remember all the old VHS boxes at your local mom and pop video stores? That's all you had to go by back then when you were in the mood for horror.

It's how I watched some of the classic 80s slasher flicks. Fuck, I didn't know what was good.
Cover art, a vague description on the back with a few photos and a killer tagline.

If all of those looked awesome, I rented it.

I'm now probably scarred by watching all this horror (all underage of course) but when I see a 80s horror film dug up on YouTube, I get all nostalgy.

Truth or Dare? A Critical Madness is the film that started the direct to video horror market.

Directed by low budget maestro Tim Ritter, it's so fuckin goofy, over the top gory and outright outrageous, it's everything a 12 year old horror kid wanted.

Let's remember the good ole times shall we? The trailer is below.






Check out the original short that gave birth to the feature film. It's sooooooo freakin hilarious.






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