The Back Room (Review)

The Back Room

The Back Room (2010)

Directed by Tim Stover

You'd think Las Vegas would be a perfect place to make grindhouse movie. Strip away the glitz and glamour of Vegas and dig into the underbelly and it might be grimy and filthy and fucked up.

But somehow whenever there is a horror movie that takes place in Vegas, it feels like filmmakers miss the point and never use Vegas to its potential. That's what I thought when I watched this grindhouse homage The Back Room. It's in the same vain of the most famous serial killer exploitation film shot in Vegas Nick Palumbo's Murder Set Pieces.

They are eerily similar and almost run the same in some cases. The funny thing is I didn't like MSP when I saw it. It seemed kinda pointless, boring and not as shocking as you'd think it would be. And that's what I thought of The Back Room as well. It was supposedly "banned" from the US which might be a hook to get you to see it because it might be "too shocking". But at the end of the day, it's a low budget bait and switch propaganda shockfest that says I'm blood drenched insanity when its more of an 70 minute death metal music video instead.


Boring Plot-O-Matic

A man is haunted by his nightmares to the point he goes into a downward spiral to do anything that would appease this figure in his dreams. The audience gets to see what goes on insides of his head. It's a film that makes one wonder who the quiet neighbor living next to him really is. What would you do to make the nightmares go away?

Awesome Review-O-Matic

And death metal music video it is. William is our Dexter who seems to be clearly insane as he dreams of a ghostly woman who tells him to kill. And so he kills and kills and kills. He kills the girl that likes him, a hitchhiker, a prostitute and others. Throughout the movie, we can hear him narrate what's going inside his head. He doesn't want to kill these women but he's manipulated to.

So it goes.

The Back Room is clearly a low budget affair that tries all the tricks of being an grindhouse movie. It has the old timey Tarantino/Rodriguez feature presentation intro, staticky lines, weird VHS saturation and a frenetic editing metal pounding to it.

My first gripe is that the tagline of "A modern take on the grindhouse horror" is cool and all but the whole point of the disclaimers, crappy editing and the numerous cigaratte burns and staticky lines is that's just how it was back in the 70s and 80s. If you put that in to make it feel grindhousey, setting it in modern times feels weird...y know? You really don't need that crap. I mean its not like your filming your movie with a video camcorder right? Shit, it was probably edited on a Mac.

You can be grindhouse with your themes and your splatter and nudity. No need for the gimmicks.

The splatter and gore in The Back Room is adequate. Lots of cliched kills for the gorehound. You know, spitting up blood, beatened heads and sliced hands and so forth. Yawn. I've seen worse gore in a PETA video.

The acting is mediocre and filled with lots of film noir narrating by our Dexter. The most WTF Moment has gotta be that in one scene where our serial killer is on the prowl, the death metal soundtrack is playing in the background. I couldn't hear a word between the killer and the killee during their conversation. Sure, you gotta get the music in there but not in what's suppose to be a tension filled scene.

Lots of flashbacks are also melded into the flick that were just rehash scenes from things we saw 3 minutes ago. I know it was for dreamlike effect but cmon now, that's just being lazy. In all honesty, it was one big death metal music video instead of a coherent grindhouse movie.

Even the women victims who could be relied on to fill that nudity staple was lacking. I mean I'm sure for a few chips and a all you can eat buffet, a few hot looking Vegas strippers would be in a horror movie.

Let me just say I appreciated the effort to make a modern day exploitation movie filled with serial killer wickedness, nudity and splatter. From talking to a lot of independent and indie horror filmmakers, it's an endeavor you go into and do your best at. Then you have some run of the mill horror blog say yucky things about it, well you gotta take your lumps. Tim Stover and his crew do the best they can but at the end of the day, they were a few years late on this concept.

With Murder Set Pieces having already getting the notoriety of a Vegas serial killer flick, it's kinda hard to see a movie in the same subgenre and not compare it. Even though I didn't like MSP, it had its moments, was original when it came out and was bloody awesmoerific.

The Back Room is MSP's little brother copying what big brother already did. Sorry little bro. Time to grow up and take a different path.

Gore-ipedia

Bat Bashing
Strangulation
Slice and dice
Blood drenched splatter
Etc. Etc. Etc.

Nude-ipedia

Beer goggle boobage

WTF moment

The soundtrack plays throughout the entire movie

The Jaded Viewer's Final Prognosis

The film is still available in Canada. Let's just say if your eager to see every serial killer made, check out The Back Room. It does have a few crazy visuals that stick in my mind like a blood soaked tub filled with naked women and the visual of the aptly titled back room was a trip and half.

Hopefully, in Stover's next film he'll take Vegas and it's potential into a new horror frontier.

The Vitals

• The official sitectures
  
• Facebook Page
• Follow on Twitter
  

Rating:


Check out the trailer below.

Categories: 2010 horror dvd, 2010 horror movies, exploitation film, gore, grindhouse, indie film, indie horror, serial killer movie, splatter, the back room

Ask The Jaded Viewer anything!

I figure what would be fun by answering your questions. I know everybody doesn't like leaving a comment as you have to login and then do that word verify captcha. I know its annoying. So let's try this via Formsping and see how it goes.

You can ask me anything you want and I'll try to answer it with Buffy quotes and vague horror references. Please keep the insults at a minimum.

Here be the Formspring box. Ask away!

Categories: jaded viewer productions, jadedviewer, jadedviewer.com, the jaded viewer

Adam Green's Hatchet II (Review)

Hatchet II

Adam Green's Hatchet II (2010)

Directed by Adam Green

By now you've heard about the controversy that surrounded Hatchet 2's theatrical release. It was pulled mid run from theaters from AMC who cited "poor performance" at the box office. But the horror-sphere will argue that releasing an uncut, unrated and uncensored version of the movie in theaters was a huge gamble by Dark Sky Films and AMC and it was pulled because it contained too much exteeminess, gore and splatter.

Arguments aside Hatchet 2 deserved at least a decent theatrical run to prove old school American horror can survive theatrically. When all that floods US theaters are PG-13 3D CGI kills snoozefests, one can only wonder if the 80s inspired slasher films can survive in this climate. Obviously not.

But on the merit of a horror film, Hatchet 2 is a sequel that literally starts off where the last one ended. Everything about Hatchet 2 follows the sequel formula to a tee. It's been said before that Green's Hatchet is to Alien as Green's Hatchet 2 is to Aliens. Hunters abound in the sequel and all hell breaks loose. But we'll get to that in a sec.

Hatchet 2 is an unapologetic splatter slasher flick that says "Fuck You" to the other horror movies of 2010. It's the big bully in the room that taunts you, gives you wedgies, makes you feel sympathetic towards it then punches you in the face and takes your lunch money. Straight out, it's one of the best horror movies of 2010 and will easily make my top 10 list.

Victor Crowley slaughtered his way into a great rookie season in the original. Here he gives more of the same. It's the same formula and somehow it works again. I might as well go with my same review formula to.

Boring Plot-O-Matic

Marybeth escapes the clutches of the deformed, swamp-dwelling iconic killer Victor Crowley. After learning the truth about her family's connection to the hatchet-wielding madman...

Awesome Review-O-Matic

If you are any kind of horror fan, you will appreciate Hatchet 2 for what it is. A fun, goofy gorefest slasher film. It doesn't take itself seriously and if you just relax and take it all in, you know Adam Green is winking at you with a few inside jokes. If you missed it, here are a couple.

• The film starts off exactly where the first film ended
• Adam Green makes a cameo as Ben and Marcus's friend whose still in New Orleans
• The character Chad references living in Glen Echo and if they heard about Leslie Vernon (referencing Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon)
• The character Parker from Adam Green's movie Frozen is seen briefly on the TV in Reverend Zombie's voodoo shop speaking to news cameras about her lawsuit and settlement against the ski mountain from the film.
• Troma's Lloyd Kaufman makes a cameo as one of the would be hunters
  

But let's get to the standard slasher jaded viewer checklist for this review

What makes a good, fun slasher movie? Below is a list of what we here at the jaded viewer deem as full of chunky gooiness when it comes to the ingredients of a solid slasher-palooza.

Does Hatchet 2 achieve everything on this list?

1.) Does the movie have..... a mysterious, insanely strong, ridiculed as a child, deformed, inbred redneck slasher?

Check.

2.) Gratuitous, over the top, super fleshy nudity?

Check. Plus we get a cameo from our former Buffy the Vampire Slayer cast member. You can't go wrong with the best nudity in a horror film. Gratuitous nudity. It's the gift that keeps on giving.

3.) Stereotypical teenage caricatures with a few old people who die gruesome and horrific over the top deaths?

Partial check. Well it's more like redneck caricatures who are old people who die gruesome and horrific deaths. Old people dying is fun.

4.) No Plot?

Check. It's a check in the fact that sure in Hatchet 2 we get to know a little more about the backstory of our freak show Hatchet face Victor Crowley. Seems like he's a bit Obama-ish which explains why he has the body of Ray Lewis. More Crowley mythology was OK but it wasn't necessary. You tell me he's a ghost/spectre from the swamp, I'm good.

5.) Kills by our slasher that make you go "Fuck yeah!"

Check.

6.) Gore, lots of it. Like serious decapitation, dismemberment, impalement, hatchet frenzy steroid rages and blood shooting out at various penetration wounds, limbs a flailing and mindless splatter and mayhem?

Check. I especially enjoyed the double saw as well as the hatchet in the vagina kill. Parry Shen has now been killed twice and both were solid. Poor Parry. Some face scraping and propeller trauma weren't that original but Green was quite creative on the kills. I give the kills a B+.

7.) Geeky leader who takes charge of the hapless group as they try to escape who befriends a hot girl who knows about the "legend" (there's always a legend no one believes)

Sorta Check. A few fodder victims never believe the legend and get to meet good ole Vic up close in person. Hot girl Marybeth takes charge and Danielle Harris does a great job in being the final girl. Her Southern drawl accent came and went but I let it go. Her uber hotness and cuteness negates any "bad acting". Parry Shen is hilarious as Justin, twin brother of Shawn from the first movie. I like how he had the faux goatee like he was the evil twin. Tony Todd plays creep Rev. Zombie who knows how to kill Crowley. But his theory is as good as looking it up on Wikipedia.

8.) Funny yet ill timed dialogue but also various quips and one liners that are funny only the first time around (yet somehow funny again when you buy the DVD and only when you're stoned)

Check. A former couple add some random sex before they're eliminated. We get a token black guy making token black guy funnies that come out flat.

9.) Gratuitous cameos by actors who have portrayed horror legends (Candyman, Freddy Kreuger and Jason Voorhees) that make you flash a metal sign and do the Beavis and Butthead pseudo head nodding.

Check. Tony Todd is the only one in Hatchet 2 but when he's battling Victor Crowley I was like: "It's Candyman vs Jason!!!! This is fuckin awesome!!!!"

10.) Wildly ambiguous ending that can be used to warrant a sequel?

Actually...well.....ummm....no?

If you haven't seen the original, seeing these movies back to back makes the Hatchet series a solid entry to the American slasher genre. It's not as good as the first one as the characters in Hatchet 2 were more of the locals rather that the funny, goofy tourists. But the on screen kills were all top notch and quite creative.

And at the end of the day, your going to watch Hatchet 2 to see those gallons of blood tossed on a tree. I mean it's such an old school effect but somehow I don't mind. I don't need to see CGI kills to be a happy horror boy. All I need are dumb victims, a secluded area and a body being twisted in a way that's not humanly possible.

It's that same formula that worked in the 80s, worked in the 90s and worked the aughts. And it works. Hatchet 2 is old school American horror. Got that motherfucker?

Gore-ipedia

See checklist item #6

Nude-ipedia

Gratuitous nudity at its most gratuitous


WTF moment

Double saw kill...fuckin awesome

The Jaded Viewer's Final Prognosis

Hatchet 2 is already on Video on Demand and will come out on BluRay/DVD on February 1st. Many in the horror blogosphere have made it their mission to support Adam Green and unrated horror. As a horror fan, you should be for this when it comes to horror movies that deserve it.

Hatchet 2 is violent, sick and twisted. It's a gorehound's delight and a top notch slasher flick. It deserves your support and will show up on my Top 10 list for sure.

The Vitals

• The official site
• ArieScope Pictures
  
• Facebook Page
• Follow Adam Green on Twitter

Rating:

Categories: 2010 horror movies, Adam Green, Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon, gore, hatchet, hatchet 2, old school american horror, slasher films, slashers, splatter, splatter gore, victor crowley

Things I Learned Researching Japanese Genki Porn on the Internet

After my random discovery of this YouTube subculture that embraces sick and twisted fucked up films, I have to say I applaud some of them for owning the sickest shit I've ever heard of. I mean many films on their list are now commonplace in the world of mainstream underground horror. Guinea Pig Series, August Underground trilogy and your standard rape and revenge flicks are now readily available for purchase. Back in the day, the only way to get these flicks was through horror trading and conventions.

Call me a fuddy duddy, but it was a little exciting back in the day to get these movies via VHS through a 3rd generation dub, but with the advent of the intertubes anybody can download them from a torrent site or through eBay.

But it seems even the hardcore of the hardcore obtain films that have not made it yet to the mainstreemy underground. Most of the YouTubers mentioned owning Genki porno films. I was vaguely familiar with this Japanese subgenre but it seems its just standard for these hardcore underground enthusiasts.

Japanese have their scat porn and their genki porn. It's a double whammy and honestly I've seen neither. I do not want to actually see this and my only viewing of shit eating was everybody's shared YouTube experience of 2 Girls, 1 Cup. So let's talk about the latter. Genki porn is the genius of Daikichi Amano who takes this fetish so far off the edge, I can't believe this actually exists on Planet Earth.

Daikichi started off doing straight Japanese AV, moved on to dog on human female porn then to bug eating and fish insertion in the hoohaa porn. But my discovery of the site where you can view this sick shit is mesmerizing to say the least.

Genki-Genki.com

I implore you to not click on this link if you're not prepared to see photos of some of the grossest shit ever put on the web. Thank the horror gods the videos are pay to see. One of the most interesting and hilarious things on the site are the Engrish translations of the titles.

• The crunch a cockroach and abuse it with lechery

• The red iron is eroded by a beating cockroach and earthworm
  

• The insect that a cockroach makes noise in witty greed
  

• The cockroach is jealous of an earthworm in a vagina to dislike

• The helpless eyes by the neck torture

• The earthworm is vagina in an adhering to desire and a spiral

• Obscene doll that fritters white sigh and drops to black dripping

• The tragedy that earthworm is bitten to skin and shouted
  

OK that's a few of these insane titles. The pictures that accompany the movies are dry heaves that will make even the most jaded viewer squirm. And squirmfest you will. Yikes. Never in my wildest imagination would this type of porn be a turn on.

But to each his own. If you ever said to yourself "Hey I always wanted to have eels and fish eggs inserted into my vagina or asshole" YOU to can star in your very own Genki!!! All you have to do is fill out a form. Ahhh the simplicity of the internet. Connecting fucked up porn fetish enthusiasts together.

"If you want to remain anonymous on film we will find a way to do that."

See? They're concerned about your privacy! Not like those bastards at Facebook. I mean your face is not going to be in most of the movie y'know?

I mean wouldn't you want to tell your parents you were in an actual motion picture?

Daikichi Amano is a weirdo.

Daikichi Amano is an odd man himself. His photos are quirky weird to say the least as you can see by clicking here to head to his official site. Lots of eel on woman, eel on man, cocoons, dolls and just overall weirdness. I mean his photos are sometimes happy. See happy Japanese girl eating earthworms!!!




Some are cute with a hint of yucky.



Then some are just outright vomitorium pics.




And finally others are just WTF?!?!




An Inside Look into Daikichi Amano and his world of Japanese eel porn.

Finally, the most informative thing I found was Viceland's video of Daikichi with a group of Americans as they got an inside tour of Japan and their obsession with anime and genki. This video gives a behind the scene look of Daikichi's creation of his "pornos"





If the video doesn't work, click here to watch it.

So now you know what I know. Are you now ill and feel nauseous now? Jeez, I am. I mean I feel like some of these photos are burned into my brain. The one final question you might be asking is:

WHAT THE HELL DOES GENKI MEAN?

Well this dude happily gives us the definition.





Well isn't that ironic. It means happy and full of life. I thought it meant "fucked up fuckedupness". Be genki!!!

Sorry folks, there will probably no reviews for genki porn on the jaded viewer. It's a line that I won't cross. What's yours?

Categories: genki, japan av stars, japan av stars nude, japanese, japanese exploitation, japanese gore, nudity, porn, pornstar

A Short Transcript of my Interview with Jason Voorhees

Well we here at the jaded viewer got a world exclusive! I got to interview Mr. Jason Voorhees of Crystal Lake. In the brief transcript of the interview below, you'll get insight into the man, the icon and the legend of Jason. Here he lets loose on a variety of topics ranging from his favorite kill to his secret crushes of his favorite final girls.

It's got some juicy gossips for you TMZ-ish horror fans. Check out the interview below!

The Jaded Viewer: Thanks Mr. Voorhees for taking some time out of your busy schedule to talk to us. We only saw you a year ago and you looked a little sluggish with your latest performance. Some critics hammered you on your diminishing killing abilities. What do you have to say to these naysayers?

Jason Voorhees:

TJV: Interesting. You do have a point there. I never thought about that. So fans of your work want to know what your best kill was. Got any favorites?

JV: [heavy breathing]

TJV: Wow, fascinating. That wasn't on many top 10 lists that I know of. OK let's switch gears and talk about who was your greatest foe. Which final girl gave you the most trouble?

JV:

TJV: Now that's a shocker! Did the other counselors know about you two?

JV:

TJV: Yeah I totally agree. Most girls have a difficult time getting over the "killing thing". You'd think that be part of the package. So are you two still friends?

JV:

TJV: Ummm with the machete huh? Breakups can be bad. We know all about your mom. It's been well documented. But I wanna know about your dad. Can you tell our viewers who your dad was and what was he like?

JV: [deep heavy breathing]

TJV: That's unbelievable. Do you think that contributed to who you are today?

JV:

TJV: Wow. I mean that's something nobody knows about you at all. I'm sure people now know who the real Jason Voorhees is because of that little fact. Anything else you want our viewers to know?

JV:

TJV: Will do Mr. Voorhees. Thanks again for taking the time to talk to us today. Good luck in your future killings and I hope you continued success.

JV:

***********************************************

What do you think about these shocking revelations by Jason Voorhees? Does it change your perception of the iconic slasher? Do you think he'll survive this public ordeal? How will his fellow slashers react to this news? Chime in and let your voice be known!

Categories: friday the 13th, interview, jason voohees, jason voorhees, slashers

The Soska Sisters American Mary (Teaser Trailer)

Christmas has come early this year. The Soska Sisters have given us an early present in the form of a new trailer. Those twisted twins who gave us the uber brilliant Dead Hooker in a Trunk (review here) and the short Bad Girls (review here) have given us a teaser for their second new film American Mary.

I got a sneak peek a week ago and when I first saw it, I was mesmerized. It looks eerily spooky with some twisted charm. Cosmetic surgery will never be the same. Check out the trailer below!




What do you think?

Head over to the official site for more info and check out their official blog. You can always follow the twins on Twitter as well.

Categories: dead hooker in a trunk, dead hooker in a trunk trailer, soska sisters

The Top 10 Characters from Kevin Smith's ViewAskewniverse

[originally posted on my old blog leftover thoughts on 2/23/05. Smith had not yet made Clerks, 2 when I wrote this]

Why a list of the top 10 characters from the ViewAskewniverse? Why the hell not? I've actually never seen one myself so who better to do it than me?. I'm pretty sure you've seen all these movies. If not, go rent all of them (except Mallrats) For you poor schmucks who have never even heard of Kevin Smith's movies, here's the list: Clerks, Mallrats, Chasing Amy, Dogma, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back and the soon to be made Clerks 2.

He also made Jersey Girl. But let's pretend that never happened.

Trivia Time! Mallrats takes place on Saturday, Clerks takes place the day after and Chasing Amy the day after that. So with that on to the list....

10.) Caitleen Bree

Highlights:

• Engaged to an Asian Design Major
• Did it with Rick Derris
• Fucked a dead guy

Memorable Quote:

"Well I didn't just fuck myself! Jesus Christ, I think I'm gonna be sick!"

9.) Brodie Bruce

Highlights:

• Avid Comic Book Collector
• Likes to fart during fellatio
• Has a cousin named Walter
  

Memorable Quote:

"It's impossible, Lois could never have Superman's baby. Do you think her fallopian tubes could handle the sperm? I guarantee you he blows a load like a shotgun right through her back. What about her womb? Do you think it's strong enough to carry her child?"

8.) Olaf Oleeson aka "The Russian Metalhead"

Highlights:

• From Russia
• In a band called Fuckin Yankee Blue Jeans
• Loves to sing the song "Bezerker"

Memorable Quote:

"My love for you is like a truck, BERZERKER! Would you like some making fuck, BERZERKER!"

7.) Jay

Highlights:

• Drug dealer, pot smoker and prophet
• Likes monkeys
• Heterosexual lifemate is Silent Bob
  

Memorable Quote:

"All you motherfuckers are gonna pay. You are the ones who are the ball-lickers. We're gonna fuck your mothers while you watch and cry like little bitches. Once we get to Hollywood and find those Miramax fucks who are making that movie, we're gonna make 'em eat our shit, then shit out our shit, then eat their shit which is made up of our shit that we made 'em eat. Then you're all you motherfucks are next. Love, Jay and Silent Bob."

6.) Banky Edwards

Highlights:

• Inker for Bluntman and Chronic
• Has many injuries from many heterosexual sexual escapades
• Gay

Memorable Quote:

Banky Edwards: Alright, now see this? This is a four-way road, OK? And dead in the center is a crisp, new, hundred dollar bill. Now, at the end of each of these streets are four people, OK? Are you following?
Holden: Yeah.
Banky Edwards: Good. Over here, we have a male-affectionate, easy to get along with, non-political agenda lesbian. Down here, we have a man-hating, angry as fuck, agenda of rage, bitter dyke. Over here, we got Santa Claus, and up here the Easter Bunny. Which one is going to get to the hundred dollar bill first?
Holden: What is this supposed to prove?
Banky Edwards: No, I'm serious. This is a serious exercise. It's like an SAT question. Which one is going to get to the hundred dollar bill first? The male-friendly lesbian, the man-hating dyke, Santa Claus, or the Easter bunny?
Holden: The man-hating dyke.
Banky Edwards: Good. Why?
Holden: I don't know.
Banky Edwards: Because the other three are figments of your fucking imagination!

5.) Rufus

Highlights:

• 13th apostle
• Jesus owes him 12 bucks
• Likes watching the living
  

Memorable Quote:

Bethany: You were martyred?
Rufus: That's one way of putting it. Another way of putting it would be to say that I was bludgeoned to death by huge fucking rocks.

4.) Alyssa Jones

Highlights:

• Bisexual
• Creator of Idiosyncratic Routine and Chasing Amy
• Experimented alot in high school

Memorable Quote:

"You know, I didn't just heed what I was taught, men and women should be together, it's the natural way, that kind of thing. I'm not with you because of what family, society, life tried to instill in me from day one. The way the world is, how seldom it is that you meet that one person who just *gets* you - it's so rare. My parents didn't really have it. There were no examples set for me in the world of male-female relationships. And to cut oneself off from finding that person, to immediately halve your options by eliminating the possibility of finding that one person within your own gender, that just seemed stupid to me. So I didn't. But then you came along. You, the one least likely. I mean, you were a guy.....And while I was falling for you I put a ceiling on that, because you *were* a guy. Until I remembered why I opened the door to women in the first place: to not limit the likelihood of finding that one person who'd complement me so completely. So here we are. I was thorough when I looked for you. And I feel justified lying in your arms, 'cause I got here on my own terms, and I have no question there was some place I didn't look. And for me that makes all the difference."

3.) Dante Hicks

Why is he #3?

I'm not even suppose to be here today is now a legendary line in the pop culture lexicon. Dante Hicks. The working man's slacker. He is the dude who as he goes on to tell Randall, shit in his pants so as to not disturb things so he could shit comfortably. Dante likes hockey, hates working on his day off and is by far the most disturbed everyman we've come to love.

Highlights:

• Steadily employed at the Quick Stop
• Plays hockey
• Was #37
  

Memorable Quote:

"Empire had the better ending. I mean, Luke gets his hand cut off, finds out Vader's his father, Han gets frozen and taken away by Boba Fett. It ends on such a down note. I mean, that's what life is, a series of down endings. All "Jedi" had was a bunch of Muppets."

2.) Silent Bob

Why is he #2?

Because when he talks, he always has something profound to say. Silent Bob the heterosexual lifemate of the penultimate stoner Jay. The backwards cap, long coat and the constant smoking. He is the MESSAGE of the movie. The comic relief. The bedrock of the ViewAskewniverse. Without Silent Bob, could we stand Jays constant yapping? Ahh Silent Bob, speak up, we can't hear you.

Highlights:

• Avid Smoker
• Has Jedi like powers
• Is eerily quiet
  

Memorable Quote:

"You know, there's a million fine looking women in the world, dude. But they don't all bring you lasagna at work. Most of 'em just cheat on you."

1.) Randal Graves

Why is he #1?

The ultimate slacker. Loves hermaphroditic porn. Hates all the video store customers. Makes judgments about society and the world around him.....and actually does something about it. A loyal friend and a deranged fuck. A passive aggressive anarchist. Knowledgeable about pop culture and the inner workings of a nudie booth. Believes the flying car is an invention all mankind should enjoy. Why you ask?

In an abridged summary, Randal is comfortable where he is, at peace with his station in life. But his hysterical rants are logical and as always offbeat and always inappropriate. Whereas Dante is the everyday working stiff, he is the stiff who works everyday. Randal knows his situation, accepts it but still causes trouble. He is the dude you want to be... a obnoxious, arrogant asshole but in a really smart sorta way. Randal...the dude with attitude. And that kooky Randalling he does. Now that's class.

Highlights:

• Steadily employed at RST Video
• Likes hermaphroditic porn
• Doesn't appreciate people's ruses.

Memorable Quote:

"Oh, fuck you! Fuck you, pal! There you go again trying to pass the buck. I'm the source of all your misery. Who closed the store to play hockey? Who closed the store to go to a wake? Who tried to win back his ex girlfriend without even discussing how he felt about it with his present girlfriend? You want someone to blame for today? Blame yourself. "I'm not even supposed to be here today." You sound like an asshole! Jesus, nobody twisted your arm to be here today. You're here under your own volition. You like to think that the weight of the world rests on Dante's shoulders. Like this place would fall apart if Dante wasn't here. Christ, you overcompensate for what's basically a monkey's job. You push fucking buttons. Anybody can just waltz in here and do our jobs. You're so obsessed with making it seem so much more epic and important than it really is. You work at a convenience store, Dante! And badly, I might add! I work at a shitty video store, badly as well. That guy Jay's got it right, man. He's got no delusions about what he does. Us, we like to think that we're so much more advanced than the people that come in here everyday to buy paper, or, god forbid, cigarettes. Well, if we're so fucking advanced, what are we doing working here?"

********************************************************

Did I miss your favorite character? Got someone to add in? Love the list? Hate the list? Sound off my jaded viewers.

Categories: clerks, comedy action, independent cinema, indie film, kevin smith, view askew

Tales from Beyond the Pale (Episode 4 and 5 Reviews)

If you haven't given Tales from Beyond the Pale a chance, I'm not sure what your waiting for. It's like the Twilight Zone meets War of the Worlds radio broadcast. It's slickly produced and has some stellar creepy stories that could very well be feature films or at the least, very well done shorts. There is something about hearing a story rather than seeing it that can give you chills. Radio exercises your imagination something that film lacks.

I've already reviewed Episodes 1 and 2 and Episodes 3 and 4. Check em out so you can pick and choose which Tale from Beyond the Pale you may want to download. Glass Eye Pix brings about the evolution of horror radio. Top notch star voice talent, great suspenseful stories in half an hour and sound effects that are spooky creepy.

Now check out some brief reviews of the last 2 episodes.

Johnny Boy

Written and Directed by JT Petty

JT Petty directed The Burrowers, a fun monster flick that just missed my Top 10 Horror Movies of 2008. His entry to the Pale is a little bit of Rosemary's Baby meets Grace.

Quick synopsis goes like this. From the Streets of New Orleans to the baby's nursery this frightening tale is about the anxieties of parenthood.

It's told in a film noir sort of way as Emily narrates her marriage with husband John and their newborn baby John Jr. The sounds of New Orleans come alive as the newleyweds struggle with their Johnny boy. Johnny is not your typical newborn, at times he won't breathe (as heard by his parents via a babymonitor) but then recovers worrying his parents. His obsession with a spoon is also quite peculiar. Soon both parents start a chain of distrust until the twisty ending.

Johnny boy had some creepy moments but the over narration seemed a little much. Lots of over explaining sometimes hurts a radio program. Johnny boy is definitely a product of Grace and all those baby devil movies. A mysterious encounter in the beginning with an incoherent woman isn't entirely explained at the end though you know it has corrupted little Johnny in some way.

Overall, it's got a few good moments and alot of buildup to a very predictable ending. There could have been a couple of directions this Tale could have gone with maybe Voodoo or ghosts in its New Orleans setting. But one thing's fore sure, I'll never listen to a baby monitor the same way again.

The Hole Digger

Written and Directed by Larry Fessenden

Well leave it up to the Larry Fessenden himself to come up with probably the best Tale so far. The Hole Digger is exactly what a horror radio play should be.

Plot goes like this.

It was the summer that everything changed, that summer in Cape Cod when me and my brother first found the hole dug down in the dunes in front of our house.

Whether it was for a grave or a treasure, that hole changed our lives for good.

It's the stories that don't start off with crazy stuff that usually buildup into a WTF is going on tons of fun. With The Hole Digger, Fessenden introduces us to Nicky and Tommy, brothers who grow up in Cape Cod. Tommy the older of the two takes care of his youngling, at one point saving his brother from dying. Nicky starts hearing digging as he tries to sleep and later the 2 discover a mysterious hole being dug that seems to have no purpose.

The sounds of shoveling are right on the money creepy. You have no idea what's going on and each shovel gets your human antennae on edge. The boys soon confide with their mother on this unusual discovery who soon loops in their uncle and a local sheriff. What in Thor's Hammer is this hole?

The Hole Digger seems to be more about this family's struggle and conflict as it does with this mysterious Hole Digger. It's this nice touch that makes you care about these kids and their problems. The ending leaves a little more to be desired but its subtle cool. The use of the sounds, the pacing and the voice characters were all Stand by Me-ish.

Leave it up to our dear Tale Keeper host to make one of the best Tales so far.

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Every horror fan with a mp3 player, iPod or iPhone, Droid or whatever digital entertainment device should at least download one of these episodes. It's definitely worth the $2 (it's the price of a cup of coffee!) to check out some quality horror radio back from the dead.

The Vitals

• The official site
• Glass Eye Pictures
• Facebook Page
• Follow @TalesBeyond on Twitter
  

Categories: larry fesseden, radio show, stake land, tales from beyond the pale, the house of the devil

The Sick Twisted F*ck YouTube DVD Competition 2010

I've been meaning to do a The Top 10 Most Disgusting, Grotesque, Exploitative, Splatter, Gore, Vile Horror Movies list but I wouldn't be able to do it justice. Back in college, Insano Steve and I tried our best to see the most fucked up movies ever made. And we actually saw a lot of flicks that were disturbing as all fuckin hell.

But then I had to enter the real world, got a job and became a pseudo young internet professional and had to put my horror viewing on hold. I kinda waned a bit on finding the extra saucy insane flicks. Then with some spare time, I created the jaded viewer to sorta catch up on what I missed and write up what I had seen. A diary so to speak of what I had seen back in the day.

However, people have decided to see the recent sickest shit and I'll admit I'm jealous. I found this blog called Sick Twisted Fucks and it brought back all the memories of what it was like to see these fucked up films the first time.

These guys are having a competition on YouTube where you share your most sick and twisted flicks in your DVD collection. To put yourself on YouTube and go though a list of what's in your collection is kinda ballsy. I mean to say you own the Vomit Gore trilogy or Squirmfest is telling the public....I like sick shit and I'm proud of it. I mean I own an autographed copy of August Underground Mordum signed by Fred Vogel himself and I think it's the most vile shit in my collection.

In any case, I'm not making up a list but posting these YouTube videos of the members of Sick Twisted Fucks and their entry videos of what's their sickest of the sick. I agree that most of these flicks are sick and twisted. Ironically, I've seen most of these.

The fact you can start breaking it out to subgenres like "vomit gore", necrophilia, scat eating and serial killer is a testament to the fact that these genres were made because their is an actual audience for it. Jeezus Japan, you guys need to watch more 3D Holographic anime characters.

So you can go all voyeur and see if you own any of these films. They are all fuckin hilarious as they describe the atrocities and plots in these movies. I mean it's almost ACME cartooney to say this movie is "about defecating on somebody's face and then eating the shit that was just defecated". But calling somebody the f word because they don't own Philosophy of a Knife. Let's tone it down a notch dude.

OK ready?

Meet the competitors!

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These guys and girl all know their stuff. I have to say I'm floored by Ms. Fangirl Sarah. Watching sick and fucked up films I've always thought would fall into a horror super charged alpha male realm and seeing this very hot, Avril Lavigney girl talk about some messed up flicks is crazy awesome.

I'm not sure what you win or who judges this thing. But the lists of DVDs these guys have are unbelievably stellar and very fucked up. It reminds me of a story I heard that a Japanese man was arrested for mutilating people in Tokyo back in 90s or something and when the police searched his apartment, they found many fucked up movies in his collection. They were led to believe that these sicko movies were inspiration for going all homicidal.

I would hate to think what a psychologist would say about my DVD collection.

If you're now looking at your own DVD collection and realizing your most demented DVD is Halloween, well then keep yourself mainstreemy. I mean there are a few hardcore fans out there that take it up a notch. If you decide to cross the line into a fucked up horror universe, you need to see some of the movies they mentioned.

I mean who wouldn't want to see a lady eat a plate of maggots and spaghetti?

Categories: disturbing movies, gore, japanese porn, porn, splatter, splatter gore

The Shortround: Night of the Punks (Review)

It's funny that after I dropped my post about Fear of a Punk Planet, I got dropped a line from Dan Riesser, director for a short that combines punk rock and horror called Night of the Punks.

It's fun when both my loves get combined.

Night of the Punks is a 19 minute short that is in the vain of Return of the Living Dead and Night of the Demons. Here be the plot:

Small town punk rockers THE BRAIN DEADS have their first out of town gig. But there are a few problems: The venue is deserted, the promoter is a creep, their bass player has gone missing, and the only kids in the audience appear to be bloodthirsty monsters from hell. It's gonna take a lot more than a few power chords and teenage angst to survive this night.

NIGHT OF THE PUNKS is a horror-comedy short film in the vein of fun 80's classics like "The Return of the Living Dead" and "Night of the Demons." The trailer is styled after classic Grindhouse style trailers of the 70's and 80's.

So did this short rock out?

the jaded viewer says: I'll admit the punk rock in this rock and roll short is actually catchy and I was rockin out. The band is a little stereotypically "band-ish" concerned about gigs and merchandise. But that's all forgiven in the B-movie horror show as the film plays out. Seems like the band is playing to a nonexistent crowd and the motivation to play their first out of town gig was misleading.

Now our band is on the run battling some rock and roll demons. Aside from ROTLD and NOTD, it kinda of reminded me of a Misfits music video. You get your standard music jokes and your standard horror jokes. Like everybody makes fun of the bassist and the hot "merch girl". As we turn to the horror, the band unleashes ultra violence with tons of straight forward, non CGI gore with lots of oozing and gushing which is always a plus in my book.

A lot of stuff is crammed into Night of the Punks and the jokes, gore and romance come a mile a minute. Overall, it's an entertaining romp filled with 80s style rock and roll horror nostalgia. The performances are silly and over the top and the ending keeps that same tone.

If you get a chance to catch this short, its well worth your time. Now let me put on some Misfits and let punk rock keyboard cat play me out.

Check out the trailer below.

NIGHT OF THE PUNKS (2010) - Grindhouse Trailer from Irrational Films on Vimeo.

Check out the official site!

Categories: demons, horror short, night of the demon, punk rock, short, short film, the shortround

Leftover Thoughts: Compare and Contrast Edition

Before I started the jaded viewer, I had a personal blog filled with my leftover thoughts. The blog was aptly titled leftoverthoughts. It was pure continuum of thought, just randomness, blurbs and mumbo jumbo.

Many of my friends also had blogs slightly inspired by my insane ranting and raving. Now that I have more than 3 people visiting this site, I figured I could sneak in a few old leftover thoughts posts that were snarky, funny and completely off the wall.

The post below was written by my friend (C.R.) for his now defunct blog Acoustic Shadows. Every time I read it, it makes me laugh. Read the post for a quick Friday LOL.

Enjoy!

compare and contrast
By CR (1/12/03)

The Atlantic Ocean, Eons Ago

The yellow ball stays longer each day, warming the water. The school knows this means it is time to travel to the coastline and mate. Already a few of the males have made their bellies red, signaling their eagerness. The fish are not good swimmers--all around them, sleeker, better adapted fish easily outdistance them. The school compensates by attaching themselves to rocks and seaweed with small, sucker-like discs on the bottom of their bodies--they can't move forward very quickly, but at least the current doesn't push them backwards. They do not have many predators--to be quite honest, they are ugly, even to each other, and their skin is tough and lumpy. As a result, few of the deep's lurking predators care to eat them, even though they swim slowly and weakly. The eggs, however, are another matter. Anything which is completely defenseless is a meal when it's sitting on the merciless ocean floor, ugly or not. And nothing is more defenseless than an unhatched egg. So when the school reaches the coastline, the females lay their eggs and, their task completed, weakly swim back out to sea. The males stay, keeping vigil over the eggs until they hatch, not eating, and not leaving the eggs except to face down predators. The fish do not take joy in this, any more than they do in eating--it is simply what they have always done, and will always do.

Mesopotamia, At The Same Time

The other monkeys are all sleeping or eating lice off each other, but Danger-Finder is bored. It's a new sensation--he has never been bored before. In that it is new, the novelty of it almost cancels the boredom itself, momentarily. But in the end, boredom wins. Danger-Finder wants to throw something at one of the other monkeys, but most of the males are bigger than him and mean too, and if he throws something at one of the females then she probably won't let him do the sweaty grunting thing later. So he sits, almost wishing there was some danger. When there is danger, Danger-Finder screams to tell the other monkeys about it, which is how he got his name, and then they all run through the trees. Then later when they're safe, he gets him berries to eat, and even Strong-Fierce, the biggest monkey, will let him eat and not take any of the berries. Danger-Finder starts to think about things other than eating and throwing and running and playing. Soon Danger-Finder begins to think about what he is doing--thinking. Danger-Finder wonders if Strong-Fierce can do it as well as he can. He bets not. He wonders if he can use thinking to stop Strong-Fierce from taking his berries, not just when there's danger, but every day. Civilization begins.

Cleveland, Ohio, Present Day

I had caviar on crackers for dinner today. It was delicious. I'm glad I have a thumb.

Categories: jadedviewer, jadedviewer.com, leftover thoughts, the jaded viewer

Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale (Review)

Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale

Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale (2010)

Directed by Jalmari Helander

He knows when you're awake.
He knows if you've been bad or good.
So be good for goodness sake!

You better watch out!
Better not cry!
Better not pout!
I'm telling you why,
Santa Claus is comin' to town.

Oh those lyrics turn from jolly happy to creepy scary after you've seen Jalmari Helander's film Rare Exports. But it's scary happy good times for all.

Rare Exports is that rare holiday gem that makes you feel the holiday spirit. I mentioned Rare Exports and the viral shorts that gave birth to this feature a while ago. Having seen the shorts, I'll admit it took away from the film a bit for me. Which is why I'm going to grade this film on people who've seen the shorts and those who haven't.

Not since Gremlins has a Christmas themed mild horror film put a smile on my face. Rare Exports takes the traditional little boy staple, dashes in a far away land and throws in a few naked but angry Santas to turn in one of the most entertaining holiday movies this year.

Rare Exports gladly twists your red cheeked, white beard, jolly fat man into the most menacing threat on the other side of the Atlantic. Blending fairy tale into a bizarro Christmas tale, Rare Exports gives you that feeling of being a kid on Christmas morning. What more would you want?

Boring Plot-O-Matic

A film for those who think they don't believe in Santa Claus anymore

In the depths of the Korvatunturi mountains, 486 metres deep, lies the closest ever guarded secret of Christmas. The time has come to dig it up!

This Christmas everyone will believe in Santa Claus.

Awesome Review-O-Matic

If you watched the shorts, you kind of know what the deal is. For the uninitiated let me explain. In the mountains of Finland, miners find something interesting buried underneath the ice. The powerful Sub Zero Corporation led by Riley know what they've discovered. The legend is real, the true origin of Santa Claus.

The film introduces us to youngling Pietari, who is a cute, clever boy who seems to know more about whats going on then the adults. He lives with his father who with other locals live a quiet life in a town bordering the dig site. It's not long before Pietari, his father and a couple of rag tag local hunters discover something isn't right with Sub Zero's dig. After slaughtered reindeer are found, the hunters soon become the hunted.

Pietari knows what's the what and after the group discover and hold ransom a "Santa" they have to deal with more than they bargained for. I don't want to give much away but suffice it to say its a journey of boy cries wolf, wolf attacks and boy grows up to be a man and saves the day!

Many of the characters are colorful with Pietari (Onni Tommila) stealing the show. His father and his friends are gingerbread eating entrepreneurs and Juuso (Pietari's BFF) is the skeptical older kid. But the most shocking character of them all is seeing Santa Claus (Peeter Jakobi) portrayed as a blood thirsty, children eating wild animal. In any other context, the sight of a skinny, naked old man with a long gray beard and a menacing stare would mean an immediate call to Chris Hansen and his To Catch A Predator crew. But Rare Exports takes it to a whole new level.

The folklore of an evil Santa who was so sadistic that he had to be buried in a icy jail is hilariously awesome. As the movie progresses, we soon realize Santa isn't alone and our locals will have to use some skill to survive December 25th.

The good of Rare Exports is it flips the old happy go lucky Christmas story as it unleashes some crazed looney Santas. I liked the fact it was unique in its approach of creating a mythos of the Santa legend. All Christmas stories be it films or TV are so sappy and corny and Rare Exports is not an exception. A dramedy scene involving Pietari and his father feels like Lifetime movie of the week as you can get. There are a few ha ha's that keep it lighthearted in that PG-13 sorta way. Kids 13 or older will yuck it up yet cheer for Pietari as he saves the day and that's the fun of Rare Exports. It's like Home Alone but with naked Santas.

The bad in my opinion is that if YOU'VE SEEN THE SHORTS, you kinda lose a bit of the magic of this film. Rare Exports becomes a sort of prequel to the shorts as you know exactly how the film will end. The beauty of the shorts were in their National Geographic approach to documenting the catching and packaging of a Santa. Having seen them, the ending became a little lackluster and very anticlimactic.

Also, the movie has a very much Spielberg feel to it but without the Spielberg multi million dollar effects. The buildup to seeing "the great threat that could jeopardize Christmas" ends with a mild exploding whimper. As much as I like the indie approach of the let your imagination run wild, I kind of wanted to see some serious battles and a wild, insane ending.

So should you see Rare Exports?

I'd have to recommend it as their aren't many Christmas themed movies coming out this month. Rare Exports feels like 80s Holiday horror-omedy. It's clever, it's cute and it's a family film for the more adventurous film goer.

Folks, this isn't Santa's Slay or a Silent Night, Deadly Night. It's a indie film with a wild imagination. Santa Claus has been rebooted. And he's hungry for some boys and girls on the naughty list.

Gore-ipedia

Slaughted reindeer count?

Nude-ipedia

Full frontal Santas ::shivers::

WTF moment

The real Santa

The Jaded Viewer's Final Prognosis

Rare Exports opens this Friday in NYC at the IFC Center. It opens in Austin, LA, MN, Pasadena and Portland on 12/10 and the rest of the country on 12/17.

If you want full enjoyment out of the film DO NOT SEE THE SHORTS!!!! If you've already watched them, it's still all good. Think of this film as a prequel to the awesomeness of the shorts and it's worth seeing.

Hmm I think I've been kind of naughty this year. C'mon Santa! Bring it!

The Vitals

• The official site
• Oscilloscope Films (list of cities and theaters screening the film)
• Facebook Page

Rating (if you haven't seen the shorts):


Rating (if you've seen the shorts):
1/2

Categories: christmas, indie film, rare exports, santa claus, the shortround

Fear of a Punk Planet (The Pilot Episode!)

I love perusing YouTube to find music and shows I use to watch when I was a kid. Well, score one for YouTube again. I dug up this classic Internet TV show called Fear of a Punk Planet. How did I find this hidden gem? Well, I love punk rock and NOFX is one of my favorite bands. Also, I was a fan of Jenny Kwan (who was on that old NBC show California Dreams (don't judge me!). Here she plays a punk rocker who leads a group of punk rock kids to help their scene anyway they can.

Holy fuckin cow this is some classic shit. Originally appeared on DEN.net, it was produced and written by Joe Escalante, one of the founding members of The Vandals as well as Kyle Glass (of Tenacious D fame).

It only had 3 episodes and features awesome bands like NOFX, Sick of It All and The Ataris. Now you can relive the late 90s with some punk rock awesomeness. I kind of thought of this show as the anti-MTV of its time. Punk rock was becoming more mainstream during the late 90s (Green Day, Offspring, etc) but some bands especially NOFX and hardcore vets like Sick of It All didn't sell out (well so to speak)

It seems cheesy now but I'll admit punk rock was at a crossroads during the 90s. Many bands "sold out" with the grunge/punk revival. Watching Fear of a Punk Planet is nostalgia for us who lived during that time. Check out the pilot episode below!








Here is a link to an episode featuring Sick of It All! There are other episodes featuring The Bouncing Souls and others.

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Thoughts? Comments? Does this offend you as a punk rocker? Hahaha let's hear it.

Categories: nofx, punk rock, tv shows