Teeth (Review)

Teeth

Teeth (2007)

Directed by Mitchell Lichtenstein

I like to define subgenres of horror. What you can call this is simple.

Horrorotica.

We expect to see T&A, sex and mutilation.

And Teeth gives us all of the above, and gives it to us in a full blown load of funny satire and splatter.

It's a simple buildup. And you know whats to come. And it climaxes at the very end.

PUNS SO FUCKIN INTENDED.

Boring Plot-O-Matic (thank you official site)

High school student Dawn works hard at suppressing her budding sexuality by being the local chastity group's most active participant. Her task is made even more difficult by her bad boy stepbrother Brad's increasingly provocative behavior at home. A stranger to her own body, innocent Dawn discovers she has a toothed vagina when she becomes the object of violence. As she struggles to comprehend her anatomical uniqueness, Dawn experiences both the pitfalls and the power of being a living example of the vagina dentata myth.

Awesome Review-O-Matic

Teeth can be summed up one phrase.

MUTITLATED PENSISES EQUAL FEMALE EMPOWERMENT

Isn't that what you got out of seeing Teeth as well? Suffice it to say, Teeth is horrorotica with a tad of black comedy and satire and some good ole gory horror mixed in. And it works. Clocking in at a good ole 90 minutes, the film paces well and though the ending is cliched, you got what you deserved when you decided to watch a movie about vagina dentata.

Jess Weixler gives a great performance as Dawn, the mutant with the killer flower. Her family lives in mutant land (2 power plants are near her home). She has a sick mom, a step dad and a gothy metal step brother named Brad who wants to have what Greg and Marsha Brady never did.

Dawn has gone all Republican and is abstinence heavy in her purity cult. But teenagers today are all fucked up and she meets Toby. But Toby is a jerk off and becomes victim # 1 of Dawn's killer dentata.

Her "teeth" are the ultimate defense mechanism and ultimately fuck up a gynecologist, an American Pie reject and a special somebody who we all knew was gonna get fucked up.

Jess Weixler has that girl next door look mixed in with a femme fatale that makes the movie work. She plays her role, as distraught, as "The Bride" and as feminism come alive.

You've got the men playing the victims in a nice vice versa effect and most of the dudes of course are 3 steps away from being on "To Catch a Preadator" on Dateline NBC.

Of course they all deserve to get their penises ripped apart for being such oversexed horny rapists looking only to score.

So Dawn makes the men pay with her new mutant powers. Joss Whedon would be proud.

What more can you say about a movie about a killer vagina?

Influences

Killer Condom
Heathers
Movies about vaginas that kill

Gore-ipedia (if you want to be shocked don't read)

Mutilated penis
Sliced Fingers
Mutilated penis
Dog attacks
Mutilated penis
Severed penis
Did I mention there are mutilated penises?


Nudipedia (because you like boobies)

We see Dawn's glorious boobies

WTF moment

The gynecologist visit
The dog special "treat"

The Jaded Viewer's Final Prognosis


Teeth is American Pie but horror-fied. Truly a classic horror-rotica-omedy. Teenage angst is always John Hughes territory but given a satirical gory sense of humor you get Teeth.

And it comes at you with a big bite.

"Sometimes, your a mutant with vagina teeth. But that doesn't mean you can't live a normal life. All you have to remember is MUTITLATED PENSISES EQUAL FEMALE EMPOWERMENT"

[cue NBC The More you Know music]

Rating:

1/2

The Trailer:

Tags:
teeth horror, teeth review , horroromedy , teeth movie review, gratuitous nudity, mutilated penis, vagina dentata, killer vagina, pussy kill,jess weixler naked, ,sex,

Categories: gratuitous nudity, jess weixler, mutilated penis, teeth, teeth review, vagina with teeth

It's Jorg Buttgereit Week! Schramm (Review)

Schramm
Schramm (1993)

Directed by Jorg Buttgereit

If Buttgereit were still making movies today, horror sites would be clamoring for Jorg to make a serial killer movie. Well, we're glad he did. Way back in 93. And oh my, it's one hell of a sick movie.

The thing about Buttgereit is that to understand the madness of his films is to dig deep into the psychosis of insanity itself.

Wow that sounds all Freudian. But alas after watching Schramm, you'll know why they don't make horror movies like they use to.

It's nitty, it's gritty and the violence and splatter are all top notch.

Enter the psyche that is Lothar Schramm (who looks like a German George Costanza) . The movie begins with his death and through a series of flashbacks, we see that he went all serial killy before he kicked the bucket.

I can't exactly remember everything that happened in this movie but the only scene that keeps popping into my head is "NAIL IN PENIS".

Yup. Schramm hammers a nail into his penis. After seeing that for the first time, I actually said to myself: "I've never seen somebody hammer nails into his penis".

I'm shivering just thinking about it.

So let's discuss the plot-o-rama shall we? As we travel back into the mind of our serial killer, we discover Schramm is a cab driver who is totally mental. Shockingly, he makes serial killing not as cool as Dexter makes it out to be. After meeting some religious missionaries, Schramm shows us his killing ways.

See Schramm kill! (with extra spanish punk rock soundtrack)



I particularly like the ocular trauma. So graphic, so realistic. Kudos Jorg!

Schramm slowly devolves into a black whole of depravity. He meets a hooker (Monika M from Nekro 2) named Marianne who he has an attraction to. Schramm accompanies Marianne on a few of her "jobs" but as Schramm slowly realizes she's indifferent to him and his feelings. To combat this he fucks an inflatable doll and later then drugs her and masturbates on her corpse..oops...err I mean unconcious body.

Alas this is the life of Schramm. He is sick, crazy and totally depraved. Jorg obviously is reminding us that the mind of a serial killer is not easy to understand. Schramm dabbles in normaly but is a millenia away from it at the same time. Schramm is so brutally realistic, so shamelessly wicked, it's the pinnacle of all serial killer movies (with Henry: Portait of a Serial Killer being the other).

Buttgereit's visuals are all random but edgy and jam packed with disturbing gooeyness. Various Scrammy dreams contain his leg being severed in leg splitting beauty, leg braces, dentist ocular trauma, a homeless man committing gun suicide with a bullet to the brain and a VAGINA WITH YELLOW TEETH. Yes, my jaded viewers, a hairy VAGINA WITH SMOKER'S TEETH. Though all this added up to a movie that went way beyond my expectations, it's three words that can never be erased from my memory.

NAIL IN PENIS.

Thanks alot Jorg.

The Trailer:

Rating:

Tags:
movie review of the day, schramm , german horror , schramm buttgereit, 80s horror ,Jorg Buttgereit, gratuitous nudity, splatter movie, gore, serial killer

Categories: jorg buttgereit, nail in penis, ocular trauma, schramm, serial killer movie, vagina with teeth