Showing posts with label Anaconda Malt Liquor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Anaconda Malt Liquor. Show all posts

Monday, April 11, 2011

Black Dynamite: Slave Island (Comic Book Review)

If you've been a regular reader of this blog, you know I've covered everything about Black Dynamite on this here blog. From the awesome trailers to a review of the movie, to a press packet to "Fight Smack in the Orphanage!", to its DVD release, to the animated series announcement and coverage about the upcoming comic book.

I'm a Black Dynamite fan through and through.

So when I was lucky enough to get an early copy of the first issue of Black Dynamite: Slave Island, I was happier than a dude at an orgy. Thanks to Scott Sanders, Ars Nova and Ape Marketing for making this happen. I am hear to tell you that this first issue lives up to everything the movie was so awesome at. Blaxploitation hilarity, 70s throwbackness and hysterical ads.

So what's the plot?

Released by indie publisher Ape Entertainment with a story by Michael Jai White, Byron Minns, and Scott Sanders, the one-shot Black Dynamite: Slave Island follows our hero as he seeks to put an end to a mysterious island… where an insidious 19th century legacy of The Man still exists.

Here's my review!

the jaded viewer says: Black Dynamite the movie spun the whole blaxploitation satire into a whole new realm with our hero Black Dynamite, a secret agent and legendary stallion reaching cult status. Slave Island is a pseudo sequel as BD continues to fight the oppression of his people in any form it takes.

And in Slave Island, the form is really fucked up.

When BD hears the story from a survivor of a mysterious island where slavery still exists, he takes it upon himself to recify the situation immediately. He gets to the island and realizes the fuckedupness of "Slave Island" is more dastardly than he realized. It's a vacation spot for whitey where the past has been rebuilt in all its evil glory. The slaves are mentally and physically abused and BD realizes what he needs to do. To put it bluntly he has to "burn this motherfucker down".

And so BD moves forward with his one man revolution. But it's not as easy as pootang pie. In a classic preposterous scene he battles a shark underwater!?!? (I can tell you this was more awesome than zombie vs shark) , gets captured and gets sold in an auction. This leads to seeing the "mandingo" in action as he satisfies his new white mistress.

Suffice it to say, BD doesn't just use violence to get the job done but words (in a speech that echoes MLK he gets the slaves on his side). But violence is way better than words and we get some awesome carnage the only way BD can deliver.

The artwork is pretty solid echoing the old 70s/80s style of comics. It actually looks like a comic full of wear and tear. The colors are nice and vibrant and the panels are strategically aligned. All in all, its like you picked up a comic book from 30 years ago.

The story and the writing is freakin brilliant. Written by Brian Ash from a story by Michael Jai White, Byron Minis and Scott Sanders, it's so Black Dynamite-ish to a tee. The dialogue is cleverly clever and the absurdity of each successive scene never wavers.

BD battles Hicks and his henchmen and it echoes the flavor of the original film.

Black Dynamite: Slave Island is a masterpiece of blaxpsploitation satire, hilarity and outrageousness. There are satirical ads for ex football player Farrante Jones throughout the comic which are brilliantly awesome. These are little throwbacks to ads that ran in every comic published back in the day. Even a brochure with a map of Slave Island is included which made me LOL.

Black Dynamite is a modern day hero who has the kung fu skills to fix the injustices of our world while single handily satisfying the thirst of women everywhere. Women want to be with him while men want to be him. But not everybody can free slaves from a Disney-fied whitey paradise. Only Black Dynamite can do it. He's got the brains, the brawn and the 'tude. So make sure you see him do his thang.

You dig?

The Vitals
Check out a few panels from Black Dynamite: Slave Island!






Friday, October 09, 2009

Black Dynamite (Review)

Black Dynamite

Black Dynamite (2009)

Directed by Scott Sanders

"Listen sucka, I'm blacker than the ace of spades and more militant than you and your whole damn army put together"

"Your knowledge of scientific biological transmogrification is only matched by your zest of kung-fu treachery"

"Freeze you jive time suckas!"

Those are just some of the lines that Black Dynamite utters when kicking The Man's ass and dealing with some jive ass turkeys. There are a few more quotey quotables that had me on the fuckin ground. But the dialogue is only a tiny smack vial in this great movie which undoubtedly will be one of my Top 10 Movies of 2009.

Black Dynamite leap frogs up top to the best the blaxploitation parody genre has to offer. I'm Gonna Git You Sucka, Don't be a Menace..., Undercover Brother, Friday are classics in this but nobody has had the balls to go all out and never stop, 70s style. The jokes are a mile a minute, the dialogue is spoof-irific, every gag scene is gag-tastic and the look and feel make you feel your back in the 70s.

The movie, running about 90 minutes doesn't stop in its genius comedy of ripping apart the blaxploitation gimmicks and logical illogics. It's a black time capsule of spoof. If you've seen the blaxsploitation classics its spoofing it becomes 100 times better. Shaft, Coffy and something I recently saw, Black Gestapo are utterly parodied to perfection.

I haven't laughed that hard since seeing Black Devil Doll because the beauty of being ridiculous is making sure the audience knows you're being ridiculous. So self aware is Black Dynamite, when we close in on a gratuitous closeup stare by our super brotha, we know he knows we know. You dig?

Boring Plot-O-Matic

When “The Man” murders his brother, pumps heroin into local orphanages, and floods the ghetto with adulterated malt liquor, Black Dynamite is the one hero willing to fight all the way from the blood-soaked city streets to the hallowed halls of the Honky House.

Awesome Review-O-Matic

So for this review, I get quotable. It's the only way I can get through my random thoughts on the flick.

"Anaconda Malt Liquor gives you ooooooooooooo"

From the opening scene of a TV ad for Anaconda Malt Liquor to the closing credits (extra scenes at the end for you IMDB crazy credits peeps), the gags start right off and they don't let up. Our man Black Dynamite (Michael Jai White) is the complete package. A former orphan, he's a player's playa with the ladies, an ex Vietman Vet, CIA agent and a soul brotha soldier. But when his brother gets killed, he has to exact revenge and clean up the streets.

"Who the hell is interrupting my kung fu?"

Many of the best scenes are parodies of kung fu flicks. BD is a numchuck master and the fight scenes are classic editing craziness. It's full of brute punches and Street Fighter kicks, BD has unlimited hit points. I even expected a hadouken to spawn.


"Black Dynamite, that was the best lovin I've ever had"


The ladies can't stand the smile (or lack thereof) of the man. They become butter in his fingers. BD taps the ass of many fine beauties and the the movie doesn't let up on some fine ass boobies. As BD courts smart sista Gloria, it's classic beauty and the beast. Just don't call Gloria a beast.

OK, I'm going to try condense my thoughts and just get to the chicken and donuts of this review. There are a ton of baddies who wanna take down Black Dynamite. These include:

1.) Pimps and drug dealers dealin smack in the orphanage
2.) The corrupt cops
3.) The Man
4.) Dr. Wu
5.) The President

All are dispatched of in true Black Dynamite style with "Dynamite! Dynamite!" jingles and throwaway one liners.

There are gags o plenty that are utterly magnificent. An unlit cigarette being smoked, a boom hits an afro, an overused car explosion, kids suffering from smack addiction in the orphanage, yada yada yada. I'll be ruining the flick if I told you anymore. You dig?

The all star cast cameos can't be ignored as well. Again, just sit back and watch as cameos flood the screen. If you don't recognize some of these pimps and drug dealers (guess who Tasty Freeze and Kotex and Chicago Wind are), you should be shot with a hand cannon. Michael Jai White is flawless in his performance, reciting jive talk like Jay Z lyricalling lyrics. Some of the lines are intentionally off then quickly corrected and White sells his persona and his physique (I mean he was Spawn and Tyson right?) to the max. Black Dynamite's army also shines like hot sauce on a donut. Tommy Davidson plays Cream Corn who has Katt Williams like pimpitude. Bullhorn, another friend-dude helps BD kick some motherfuckin ass.

Finally, the look and feel of Black Dynamite make you DeLorean into the past. The soundtrack is jazzed and funked up. The intentional blurry closeups, bad editing and fade ins and outs are cinema styilized for maximum effect. The sound effects are played like a soundboard and you can't ignore the use of 4th wall breaking with closeups galore.

All in all, you get one of the funniest film spoofs to hit the screen since Austin Powers. I never had so much fun watching a movie this year. Michael Jai White and director Scott Sanders in attendance, saw a very predominant crowd of non honkies LOL and ROFL for 90 minutes straight. I'm sure it was thrill for them to see NYC represent in this sold out screening.

Sure you can see a Eisenberg/Cera suburban self aware comedy, but when you get tired of the vanilla, that's where Black Dynamite comes in. It's pure chocolate deliciousness, topped with hot fudge and a cherry. And don't you want to see Black Dynamite pop that cherry? You dig?

Nude-ipedia

Black boobies
White boobies
Asian boobies
It's a multicultural collection of boobies!

WTF moment

The demise of Dr. Wu by a clever and very fast Black Dynamite

The Jaded Viewer's Final Prognosis

Black Dynamite opens nationwide October 16th. I'm not sure if it will get wide distribution but if it does, you MUST SEE THIS FILM.

At first, when I saw the trailer months ago I thought this was an actual blaxploitation movie for the new millenium. What I saw yesterday was better. Black Dynamite hits on all those funny bones of every blaxploitaiton spoof plus being a blaxploitation movie in itself, it balances it out nicely so that you get the best of both worlds. This easily gets 4 spinkicks.

The movie ends on an apology as Black Dynamite says: "I'm sorry I pimped slapped you into that china cabinet". If you don't see this movie, I may be doing that to all of you jive ass suckas!


Rating:



Check out the trailer.





jaded viewer related linkage:
Black Dynamite viral yumminess
Fight Smack in the Oprphanage!!!
Black Dynamite and Supreme Court Judge Sotomayor and Numchucks
Black Dynamite meets Barry (ahem Barack)
Anaconda Malt Liquor videos

Official Site
Black Dynamite Yo Self!
Black Dynamite Facebook site

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Thursday, October 08, 2009

Black Dynamite (Exclusive Clips!)

It's Thursday. It's a very good Thursday because tonight I'm going to see Black Dynamite! Wooohooo! Yay! Too bad suckas!

Well I've been hyping up this flick by posting the trailer, putting up funny ass clips and Fighting Smack in the Orphanage.

I'm super amped up to see this flick and you should be too. I'm going to get ready by drinking a 40 of some Anaconda Malt Liquor and also fighting that damn smack in the orphanage. You should too. I mean these little orphans are hooked and prostituting by the age of 2 for shits sake.

My review will be up tomorrow (hopefully if I don't drink to much Anaconda). For now, check out some exclusive clips from some jibber jabbering cult sites FunnyorDie and OnSmash.com.


OnSmack.com Black Firecracker TNT with Ebony Explosion “Black Dynamite's Dojo”






FunnyorDie.com's Fight Smack in the Orphanage "Man on the Street





FunnyorDie.com's War on Smack





Also, we got more viral yumminess. What else you ask you jive ass fool?

Black Dynamite Yo'Self

Black Dynamite Talkin' Jive (Soundboard)


Aren't you psyched up you punk ass brothas?

Black Dynamite opens October 16th.

Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Black Dynamite (Anaconda Malt Liquor and Red Band Trailers)

"Anaconda Gives you "oooooooooooooooooo."

I wanna soooooooo drink some Anaconda Malt Liquor. The only malt liquor approved by the United States government.

Thanks to Twitch, we get to see this throwback TV spots. Check em out below.









Black Dynamite has been selected to be part of the Sundance film festival so it probably will come out next year.

Also check out the BD holiday greeting. HO!!! HO!!!! HO!!!!!





And the NEW RED BAND NSFW Trailer you jive ass mofo!!!!!





Black Devil Doll comes out tomorrow but how can it top Black Dynamite??? It might not be able to you jive motherfucker!!!!


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