The 10 Best Scenes from EuroTrip

I rarely cover comedies on the jaded viewer but having rewatched EuroTrip for like the 10th time because of Showtime, I have to make sure you all know of this hilarious flick. In the same vain of Road Trip, American Pie, Harold and Kumar, etc. the "trip" comedies, Eurotrip might have been overlooked when it came out in 2004.

But it still brings tears to my eyes from uncontrollable laughter when I watch it. Plus the Lustra song "Scotty Doesn't Know" is so catchy, I can't get it out of my head. Filled with profanity, nudity, gross out humor and flaccid penises, it deserves a fuckin sequel. Starring some dude, some other David Spade looking dude, the hot Michelle Trachtenberg and some other dude it also features cameos from Lucy Lawless, Kristin Kreuk, Matt Damon, Vinnie Jones and others.

Just pure awesome Rated R raunchiness.

So here is my list of the top 10 scenes from EuroTrip.

10.) "Fiona!!!!!"





Why it's awesomely funny awesome: Stating the obvious: It's so funny because they keep rewinding it.

9.) "Let's make love for one whole month"





Why it's awesomely funny awesome: Hasselhoff. Nuff said.

8.) "You guys are on a completely different level of swearing over here"





Why it's awesomely funny awesome: Vinnie Jones and the Manchester United soccer hooligans are the bloodiest blokes on the planet.

7.) "This is definitely where I parked my car"



Why it's awesomely funny awesome: Club Vandersexxx and it's safe word make the list as Cooper finds himself in trouble. Plus Lucy Lawless as a dominatrix makes this scene all good...(or all wood).

6.) "Gotta love that exchange rate"




Why it's awesomely funny awesome: Oh Bratislava. You've been home to killer hostels and are a decade behind. When the waiter guy gets a nickel as a tip, it's hilariously hysterically funny.

5.) "They really are the worst twins ever"




Why it's awesomely funny awesome: Oh absinthe. This is why you're banned in the USA. The follow up scene is insanely funny too as Cooper recites a Frommer fun fact about the incident.


4.) "....I'm programmed to get.....freaky"




Why it's awesomely funny awesome: Spoofy Matrix style mime-off. When Cooper tells him to "sweep the leg", I almost lost it. Good times. Oh France, you lose yet again.


3.) "Scotty Doesn't Know"




Why it's awesomely funny awesome: First off, Matt Damon appears out nowhere as the punk rock frontman, then Kristin Kreuk goes all sexy slut. Then you actually start to realize what the song is all about and it's fuckin brilliant. Plus it's so damn catchy.

2.)"Mi Scusi"




Why it's awesomely funny awesome: Do you realize that's Fred Armisen has creepy Italian guy??? The tunnel scene still makes me cringe.

1.) "I thought this was a nude beach?"




Why it's awesomely funny awesome: Well first you have the scene above with Michelle Trachtenberg, then you have the statue filled with naked hotties, then you have the crazy amounts of man sausage. Now that's fuckin funny.

Categories: 80s comedy, comedy, eurotrip

Rewind: Swamp Thing (Review)

Swamp Thing

Swamp Thing (1982)

Directed by Wes Craven

[this rewind review brought to you by the jaded viewer's first guest reviewer Dylan Duarte, who secretly works at Area 51]

When watching a film a few decades old, especially a horror film, you have to adjust your expectations. Well, you don't have to, but you might be disappointed. You should expect camp and you should expect cheese, partly because of traditional effects, and partly because what worked back then is just different than what works now.

So I went into Swamp Thing with these expectations and was pleasantly surprised by the lack of either, though Adrienne Barbeau's hair is very much a product of the 1980s.

Boring Plot-O-Matic

After a violent incident with a special chemical, a research scientist is turned into a swamp plant monster.

Awesome Review-O-Matic

Swamp Thing tells the story of scientist Alec Holland (Ray Wise), who runs a research station in the middle of a swamp, working on plants. He develops a chemical that makes plants overly aggressive, which he hopes will help them survive in harsh conditions. Unfortunately, the dastardly Dr. Anton Arcane (Louis Jourdan) wants Holland's research for himself and employs a group of mercenaries to take it by force. In the ensuing battle, Holland comes into contact with the chemical and is transformed into the monstrosity known as Swamp Thing.

The immediate problem, as someone who's familiar with Swamp Thing, is the lack of moss and other leafy greens that should be decorating the creature's body. Swamp Thing has always looked like something of a giant plant, whereas in this adaptation he's just a smooth, green-skinned giant that looks more like the Hulk. Not only is it disappointing as a fan, but it also takes away one of the more unique aspects of the character. Now he just looks like any old thing you'd see in a creature feature, when he should look like a living, breathing salad.

Granted, a disgusting living, breathing salad, but one all the same. This may seem nitpicky, but it really does damage the overall feel of the movie and makes it seem more derivative than it actually is.

The acting is exactly what you'd hope for, especially with Arcane. Jourdan chews the scenery all to hell in the classic villainous pursuit of power. Barbeau is a tough cookie as Alice Cable, a government agent sent to protect the lab. She's reminiscent of Sigourney Weaver's Ripley in the Alien franchise. Not only does she look similar, but she displays the same scared confidence. She doesn't know what the hell is happening, but she's not going down without a fight.

And then there's Ray Wise, who takes his role much more seriously than he probably needed to but the movie is so much better for it. It's difficult to truly embrace a character when you're so familiar with the actor, but that's an issue with the viewer, not the actor, and Wise deserves credit for breaking through that barrier.

And then there's Jude, a young man that Cable meets while running from Arcane's goons. Jude is played by Reggie Batts, who to this day has never starred in another movie nor a television show. Batts gives one of those performances that blurs the line between terrible and amazing, because he isn't really acting. He's just himself, Reggie Batts, and he's gotten caught up in some monster madness in the Louisiana Bayou. He looks something like Steve Urkel and he talks like Stevie from Malcolm in the Middle and he's far and away the best part of the movie.

Unfortunately, the cheese begins to creep its ugly head in as we near the end and the movie takes a serious downhill turn that embraces the horror clichés of the time. It's truly disappointing where Swamp Thing ends up, especially considering what it started out as. It's still a good movie, but if it had the stayed the course that it established early on, it could've been something great.

"Dylan Duarte is a horror buff and writer who regularly writes about StarCostumes.com He can be reached at dylnduarte at gmail.com."

Rating:
Check out the trailer below!

Categories: 80s comedy, 80s horror, swamp thing, wes craven

Screwballs (DVD Review)

Screw Balls

Screw Balls (1983)

Directed by Rafal Zielinski

It's the grandfather of the balls comedy.

I'll be honest, I was a wee lad when Screwballs came out in 1983. When I hit my teens, I rented all the classics: Fast Times, Last..Virgin, Porkys, Private School, etc. The one thing about video rental stores back then (mine was called Flagship Video) was that they'd rent anything to anybody.

So disgruntled video store employees let me rent the sicko horror and the T&A sex comedies.

I gotta admit, I missed seeing this one during my VHS rental days. So I'm glad Severin Films finally released this classic sex comedy on DVD (and on glorious Blu Ray). Seeing an 80s teen sex comedy brings back memories of seeing boobies for the first time on the screen. It's a turning point in a kid's life. You'll always remember your first pair of boobies from the movies.

Thank goodness for Screwballs because there's a ton of em in this flick.

Boring Plot-O-Matic

(From IMDB)

Starting a new tradition of sex comedy, T & A High School, five boys meet in the detention room thanks to the evil virgin princess urity Busch. RICK - dressed as a doctor and gave breast exams to the high school new comers. BRENT - sexually teased Purity in French class. MELVIN - caught masterbating in the meat locker. HOWIE - rearranged the mirrors in order to see up the skirts of cheerleaders after practice. And TIM - tricked into entering the girls watchroom. Each one fooled by Purity. They want revenge. Each one makes a packed to deflower the virgin, but all have failed. Their only chance is to work together with others of the school to get her at the homecoming game

Awesome Review-O-Matic

If your a Gen X-er, you grew up in a time before the Internet, before cable and before you had any access to porn. I grew up during this time and it was hard to see any nudity whatsover. So when Porkys was released, it turned the teen sex comedy into a gold mine. And luckily for everybody else, we got see to see some serious T&A every few months.

Screwballs comes from canuckland, which was funded by the Canadian government and produced by the b-movie auteur Roger Corman cha chinged Screwballs for the American teen audience.

Screwballs follows the same formula that would be the staple for this genre. Bunch of horny teen dudes want to score some sex and peek some boobies. The dudes are your stereotypical class society high school reps.

1.) Rick - Our kooky Bueller like smart ass
2.) Brent - Our rich and wealthy tennis racket wielding Trump snob
3.) Howie - Our nerd, geek and mad scientist
4.) Melvin - Our jerkmeister, fat slob
5.) Howie - Our transfer kid goofball

Each of them gets Republican-ized by Purity Bush (what a name), a blonde bombshell, uncorrupted and hot. They all soon go all Mission Impossible to try to score with her and get a look at those glorious boobies.

The plot is really filler, because most of Screwballs is the insanity of the situations so that we, the audience get to see some grade A boobies. So what are these situations? Here be your Nude-ipedia

1.) Rick gets to see some freshman boobies playing doctor
2.) Howie's plan to see Purity has him seeing girl boobies by the pool
3.) Howie shoots and scores some boobies at a drive in
4.) Nude bowling
5.) Purity's glorious boobies are revealed at the very end

That's just a areola tip of the nude-ipedia.

There are also a couple of goofy, cartoony like scenes that make the action go POW! BOOM! UHHH! VROOM! One of our goofy posse gets a bowling ball stuck in his [HONK!] Others have a near riot at a Drive In and some close moments at Purity's house.

All in all, it's a classic in a sense that the sexual innuendos, the goofy visual jokes and the super duper boob shots are all hitting the right notes. With this genre coming back in the 21st century, it's always good to see what started it all.

Thanks to a cool anonymous reader, a good solid list of where to start can be found here (check out the comments).

It was so hard back then to see nudity. Now it's as easy as clicking a button. Just another leap for mankind.

WTF moment

The boobies of Purity seen around the world

The Jaded Viewer's Final Prognosis

Screwballs is now released on DVD and you can order the regular DVD or Blu Ray on Amazon.com. Thanks to Severin Films for sending me a screener of this classic.

As for the DVD extras, there are a couple of solid features.

• Cast and Crew interviews (Director's Rafal Zielinski is an interesting one)
• An Interview with Canuxspoitation Scholar (this was very informative as we learn the Canadian government thru some tax loopholes was solely responsible for birth the "balls" comedies and even Cronenberg's first films!)
• Mr. Skin Talks Sex Comedies of the 80s (I didn't even know what these dudes looked like, and their commentary is quite funny and retrospectivy)
• Deleted Scenes
• Trailers
• Audio Commenary with Director Rafal Zielinski

Rating:

The trailer

Screwballs (1983) - These bloopers are hilarious

Tags:
screwballs, screwballs trailer , screwballs review , sex comedy 1980s, canucksploitation, fast times at ridgemont high, porkys, gratuitous nudity, nudity, boobies, 80s teen sex comedy, horror blog

Categories: 80s comedy, canada, fast times at ridgemont high, gratuitous nudity, screwballs, screwballs review, screwballs teen sex comedy, t and a