Ninjas vs Vampires (2010)
Directed by Justin Timpane
Well let me first say I never saw Ninjas vs Zombies, Justin Timpane's first cult film. Maybe that's a good thing as I can judge Ninjas vs Vampires without any baggage.
Clearly a film with a title like this makes you think you're going to see some SyFy smoke and mirrors bad CGI, bad acting and incoherent plot. And that's not to far off from the truth. Ninjas vs Vampires is a b-movie low budget spectacle with mediocre CGI, quirky acting and an incoherent plot. But all of what's above is what makes it likable.
I wouldn't go as far as to call it "It's so bad, it's good" but what I will say is it's got a DIY indie spirit that pushes it into a Rebecca Black Friday likable. Ninjas vs Vampires is a pop culture machine of funness. It never takes itself to seriously, zings in cleverly clever one liners and has some not too shabby fight scenes. Bringing in the elements of the kung fu film with the retardedness of the cliched vampire genre, NvV is a cult classic for the horror fan who thinks they've seen it all.
Score one for Team Ninja.
Ninjas battle vampires for the fate of the world in this all new Action-Horror-Comedy from the creators of 2010’s cult smash, Ninjas vs. Zombies! Moments after down-on-his-luck Aaron is rejected by the girl of his dreams, they both are attacked by blood-sucking vampires. Driven to save her, Aaron tracks down the mysterious ninjas, who wage a nightly war against the forces of darkness. Now, as the vampire overlord Seth plots to destroy mankind, Aaron has only one choice - join the ninjas, save the world, and get the girl... or die trying.
Sexy, funny, shocking, and bloody, Ninjas vs. Vampires delivers an action-packed comedic adventure unlike any other!
Well a standard review would be pretty much be boring. So I'm going with random Karate Kid and Buffy quotes to get you in the mood of the film.
"Get him a body bag! Yeah!"
Seems like we our BFF's Aaron and Alex stumble unto a full on war between vamps and ninjas. One begs to question if this is what happens everyday in Suburbia, America. I like to think a daily war happens between these two groups at the Hot Topic.
"To make you a vampire they have to suck your blood. And then you have to suck their blood. It's like a whole big sucking thing. Mostly they're just gonna kill you. Why am I still talking to you?"
The vamps are straight out of the Joss Whedon rejected characters list. Your typical Anne Rice metrosexual, his horny whore, a few Jay and Bob rejects, some Phantom of the Opera dollar store dweebs and a "I'm a crazy homicidal vamp guy". Plus vampire henchman.
"Wax on, wax off"
So our ninjas are of the non asian variety. I mean I figure asians trained in karate are in short supply in the indie horror world. Their's your Willow clone witch, 2 Caucasian Akira's, an ex vampire (see like Spike!) and our new recruits.
They get inducted and we're off to fight the vamps.
"We like to talk big. Vampires do. "I'm going to destroy the world." That's just tough guy talk. Strutting around with your friends over a pint of blood. The truth is, I like this world. You've got... dog racing, Manchester United. And you've got people, billions of people walking around like Happy Meals with legs."
So the vamps have some sort of plan, set traps and want some sort of amulet. It's not really important. What is is how when our vamps battle our ninjas, we get our standard supply of Blade fire poofing. Lots of CGI done on a Mac here. Lots of sliced legs, punctured CGI blood and vamps going all flamey combustion.
Some of it is indeed laughable but you start to realize what kind of movie you're watching. OK guys, read this because it's technically important part of the review.
Ninjas vs Vampires is a b-movie horror fandom flick made my horror fans who love b-movie horror flicks. Timpane, his crew and his actors homage all the genre films and make fun of the one's they loathe. From insults of "sparkling vampires" to quotable quotes uttered in a Scooby Gang fashion, it's a love letter to kung fu flicks and vampire cheesiness.
And you either buy into watching this fan made film or you don't. We've all watched our share of fan made shorts, trailers and films on YouTube. This one is just done more professionally, relatively speaking.
"Better learn balance. Balance is key. Balance good, karate good. Everything good. Balance bad, better pack up, go home. Understand?"
But of course that doesn't mean it's all happy skippity doo. The dialogue is clever but the actors don't seem to have the comedic timing I was hoping for. Sure you'll get a chuckle on a few one liners but mostly it's a rushed indie blockbuster film with lots of ambition. The movie was made in some dude's house (maybe without their knowledge!) and their isn't a lick of gratuitous nudity (well somebody was gonna ask)
I sometimes don't understand why a low budget indie has to order the complete package of cheesy CGI, ridiculous costumes and over the top dialogue. Or wait...is that the point? Is that intentional? Hmmm I'd like to know. Did they want to go in that direction to make it more funny. Hell even BtVs look kinda bad compared to todays CGI.
In any case, Team Ninjas prevail in the end and a double kicker sets up another sequel.
I'll admit, I didn't get bored watching Ninjas vs Vampires. It has some delicious hotties to look at, has some adept fighting scenes and a few ha ha's that make it tolerable. It's a little ambitious yes, but it's so self aware that it probably knows it's ridiculous.
Hell, I mean the title says it all.
Pixels of gore and splatter
The vampire henchmen are kinda dumb as bricks
The Jaded Viewer's Final Prognosis
Need a vampire and ninja film fix? This be the film for you.
Here's the trailer.