SAFETY is not an option: Blackout Haunted House Memories

I'm not sure where you're reading this. You're probably in Los Angeles or NYC trying to read up on this haunted house and what to expect. You Googled the shit out of Blackout and my blog kept coming the fuck up. Well hello there you sick bastard. In an odd twist, the rise in popularity of Vortex Productions Blackout Haunted House has somehow made The Jaded Viewer, something of an unofficial biographer of "the haunted house other haunted houses are afraid of".

And I'm glad I can act in that capacity.

I'm a veteran and so are the others I now call my friends who make up the Army of Survivors who've been multiple times. We've shared war stories and talked to the creators, actors and staff. It's a special feeling to get direct access to the twisted and depraved masterminds and we all consider ourselves lucky.

To be honest, I'm kinda sad that Blackout has become legendary. I remember how super duper underground it was. Not like Fight Club underground (hell the NY Times and all the major magazines and sites covered this HH every year). But it had an aura of whispers by HH enthusiasts, metal freakazoids and people like myself. Horror-core enthusiasts who wanted to push the limits of an interactive horror experience.

But I love that it's become mainstream to a point where others are experiencing the thrills and adrenaline rush of something beyond comprehension. Los Angeles is experiencing something new and is lucky to experience the dark magic of Blackout. New Yorkers, the jaded bunch of us are spoiled and we got a new and improved 4.0 version of Blackout. I loved it and so did many others. So HA HA LA. We're still better than you :-P

See that photo above? That's from 2010. That's the ultimate hipster cool factor of Blackout. Back then, you were issued a business card with your number (today you get a number plastered on your clothing). It was under a different name back then but the simplicity of it all is magically beautiful. "HAUNTED HOUSE". Simple, elegant and spoiler free of what's to come.

There were hardly any reviews a few years ago. Before I went in for the first time, I sought out reviews and blogs looking for any piece of information to prepare for what I signed up for. I stumbled upon some Yelp reviews and unrelated blog describing the experience. Shots were offered a few years ago for you to prepare and fellow Survivor "E" probably has some stories to tell back then of what it was like. Other Survivors worked at Blackout and I would love to keep digging for their stories. But after going to all the NYC haunted houses in 2010, I was ill prepared to know what was to happen to me when I experienced NYC Halloween Haunted House for the first time.

The sense of euphoria and a horror fan's wet dream is ever evident in my review and walkthrough back then. It continues into the one you've all read from 2011. And it keeps going in my 2012 review. I've been to the last 3 October haunts and 2 invite only Spring haunts (which you MUST READ if you want to know how far they really go when nobody is looking) All my leftover thoughts of what it was like are all there for you to read. Before these reviews went Reddit crazy, only a few people asked me if it were all true. Was this what happens to you at this fucked up haunted house? I told friends and family. All were in utter shock of the story that I told them.

The walkthroughs and spoilers were a natural extension of the reviews I wrote. All had the blessing of the creators which is why you now get to enjoy them. I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one who will write something up as my fellow Survivor and blogger The Raven and the Black Cat does one as well from a female perspective. What you will get from my reviews and thoughts about Blackout is a sense that, as a horror fan, I've found something in this haunted house that jump starts my horror instincts like any good horror movie does. The fact that it's live, you participate and you live through it makes it an infinitely more rewarding.


I've received countless e-mails, tweets, Facebook messages of fellow jaded viewers who loved my reviews and walkthroughs. Various sites have linked over here and even Reddit dissected my walkthrough and reviews like a fuckin surgeon.  I can't thank you enough for the feedback. If I somehow gave you the feeling you were there, I've done my job.

I still have my paper thin mask from my first haunt. I have other Blackout souvenirs as well. The best part is I've made great friends through this haunt and for that I'm a thankful little Jaded Viewer. If that happens to you as well, that's motherfuckin horror gravy.

I hope Blackout continues to it's tidal wave of success and new found glory. They deserve it and a few tweets from celebrities who've not SAFETY-ed will blow them up into stratosphere proportions. The fact they are sold out on both coasts is a testament to the awesomeness of it all.

If somehow you come away with a revitalized sense of shock and awe and ewwww and yikes from Blackout, then it's done it's job. Feargasms and torture will be seared into your mind. A Blackout Haunted House memory is something you will never forget.

Though if you do, I'll remind you again of why it's the haunted house other haunted houses are afraid of.

Categories: blackout, blackout haunted house, halloween, happy halloween, haunted house, los angeles, new york city, nyc halloween haunted house, nyc haunted house

Halloween Horror Nights at Universal Studios (Review)

via The Jaded Viewer

Sometimes a change of scenery is nice to break the monotony of work. And sometimes the playgrounds are just cooler on the other side. I visited Los Angeles last week and had to choose between some various cool haunted houses. Haunted Play: Delusion, Blumhouse of Horrors, Knotts Scary Farm, Queen Mary Dark Harbor. Delusion was sold out and the others had something that would be cool. But I settled on going to Universal Studios Halloween Horror Nights.

The main attraction was going to The Walking Dead mazes. With the Walking Dead premiere that weekend, I was in the mood to see zombies and T-Dog. So after convincing both my cousins ("J" and "A") to go with me, it was on like Donkey Kong.

Opening night at Horror Nights was a mad house. Unbelievable packed with long fuckin lines. With a flight back home the next day, I knew we'd have to strategically plan our way around Universal. This proves fruitless without a map and Universal at night is a hard place to find out where everything is. As you enter it's a madhouse of actors in their biker zombie makeup with chainsaws looking to give you a quick scare. Harley Quinn lookalikes dance seductively in cages and the glow of neon darkness echoes throughout the park. I've been to the park before, during the daytime and it's pretty scary at night.

via The Jaded Viewer

Walking Dead Terror Tram is TRAMATIZING

We hit the Walking Dead Terror Tram first. Because I want my Walking Dead fix early. We get into a tram and though clearly, you think tram rides will have some grabbing zombies coming at you but that was a red herring. As you're dropped off, zombies are all around dragging their worthless legs and body parts. I stand in front of one and heckle him. What can I say? The asshole fan in me likes mocking the zombie actors.

Soon the gaggle of horror fans are herded into corridors where zombie doctors are eating unwilling patients. Passing through a motel complex, decayed bodies and zombies are all lurk around. Universal has put out the stops when it comes to the props, sets and design of this outdoor attraction. It really is impressive seeing what a big studio can do to hype up one of the greatest cable TV shows ever. We now have to walk up some hills past a suicidal policeman and zombies locked up in cages who soon broke free from their prisons. The zombies are quick and attentive to the stragglers as well as the runners.

Past the Psycho house, the journey ends past a neighborhood in a post apocalyptic shambles. A downed airplane, a house cut in two, debris all over the place. It's really pretty spectacular to see. And within this mess are zombies all around ready to jump out of the decay.

via The Jaded Viewer

Will the real Leatherface please stand up?

We hit up the Texas Chainsaw Massacre haunted house next. Each of these HH's are self contained and are a maze of thrills and chills. Unfortunately because the lines are long, everybody is forced to walk at quick pace throughout the maze. It's a little odd seeing 30 Leatherfaces scaring you in each room but the house did have a few moments. More so from my cousin "J" scaring me shitless as I admired the sets. Nothing special here but lots of chainsaw wielding maniacs who after the umpteenth time gets kinda tired.

Break Time: More than Meets the Eye

We thought we had time to hit the other blockbuster attractions that we're open. Jurassic Park, Simpsons Ride and Mummy Rides were all open for the masses. We hit up Transformers 3D because we were kinda near it. Misled by a so called empty line, it was a bit of a wait for your standard Optimus vs Megatron 3D slugfest.

Silent Hill is all triangles and women with big cleavage

Next up was Silent Hill which was a game I played like once and had no idea what scares would be in store. Seems like it was full of triangle masks and masked women with great cleavage. Some rooms had that empty classroom feel others had large hammers ready to pounce.

I can't say the scares were awesome but more so video game thrills with some video game boobs.

La Llorona is Spanish for "Holy Shit!"

Actually that's not what it translates to.It actually means The Weeping Woman. La Llorona is an actual legend in Mexico and the US Southwest that I hadn't really heard about. I didn't know what to expect but with the line being more than hour long, my cousins and I started to realize this would be our last ride. But boy was it good to my surprise. La Llorona has some chilling sets and perfectly timed scares. From a room with an old church to some narrow corridors with some paintings that come to life. The tale itself is of a woman named Maria who drowns her children to be with a man. Rejected in the afterlife, she haunts the lake to save her dead children for eternity.

via The Jaded Viewer

The animatronics, well timed BOOs! and overall creepiness of the legend (just seeing dead children in a faux lake is fuckin creepy). The ending was mind blowing that will make you see talking with your mouthful in a whole new way.

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I missed a few attractions, the most notable being Walking Dead Dead Alive which recreates a maze from the first 2 seasons. The line was over 2 hours and I had a flight to catch in the morning.  I also missed Alice Cooper 3D, which if its from Alice Cooper must have been wicked.

Overall my first Universal Studios Halloween Horror Nights was pretty solid. For the admission price, you can experience 4-5 horror themed mazes that are mega awesome to average. Plus you get to go on all the big blockbuster rides Universal is known for.

Universal has been always known for their monsters and they do a great job putting the big spectacle. You've got sarcastic clowns and wandering actors looking to scare the unsuspected. The drawbacks are long lines you'll have to endure to get to these mazes and rides. The Front of the Line and VIP passes are tempting and if you're willing to pay, are probably worth it.

The prices seemed jacked up ($3.75 for a bottle of fuckin water?) and sugary snacks are tempting but overpriced. A board lets you know how long the lines are for each attraction but seriously...95 minute wait time? Damn. The park would need to close at 6am for you to go to all the rides.

All in all, I had a great time and its worth a visit if you're in LA or Orlando. The Walking Dead is given life in whole new way and once I watched the season premiere, all I wanted to do is be back there fucking with zombies and hanging out with T-Dog.

Unfortunately T-Dog didn't get any attraction time. Poor T-Dog.

The Vitals

• The official site
• Like on Facebook
• Follow on Twitter
• Both Universal Studios Hollywood and Orlando
• The park is open now until 10/31
• Tickets range from $56 to $66 You can purchase tickets on the official site.
  
• For more photos of Universal Horror Nights , check out the jaded viewer Facebook page.

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Categories: halloween, happy halloween, haunted house, los angeles, texas chainsaw massacre, the walking dead, universal studios, walking dead