The Linsanity Of The Walking Dead

So I've gotten caught up with Linsanity, the rise of the New York Knicks Jeremy Lin from obscure "Rudy" to superstar savior. An Asian American playing NBA ball at the highest level is rare to say the least so it's pretty awesome to see him breakout and truly be a top notch baller.

But you know what else is rare?

Asians Americans on TV. Yup, look at any TV show and Asian Americans barely register. Sure they only make up 5% of the population but the representation is almost non existent unless they know kung fu. Stereotypes aside, I loved the fact Glenn's first appearance on The Walking Dead was not one of victim but savior. He saved Rick in Atlanta and showed he was a resourceful and was courageous kid in an apocalypse. I had high hopes that Glenn would grow to be a main character that was impactful in some way.

But slowly the stereotypes creeped in. He wasn't invited to the big missions, seemed to hang out with Dale alot, was used as bait, used as comic relief and was shy and awkward with the farmer's daughter. If he was written this way in the comic I do not know but as I watch The Walking Dead, I really hoped that we just underestimated him. That Glenn as a minor bench warmer was only temporary. I was hoping Glennsanity was just around the corner.

I mean there are some signs right?

He scored and saved the hot girl (got some!), killed a few walkers in spectacular fashion and discovered the barn. I think he could play an intricate part in the story. He's got the skills, the know how and the zombie IQ to kick ass and lead this team to victory (hmm I'm getting my Lin and Glenn's confused I think)

Glenn could actually make our Walking Dead outcasts better. He's unselfish (he went on the pharmacy run, the bait thing, searched for Sophia, etc.) As we get sick of the soap opera storylines, Glenn could probably add some much added pizazz and fun to the show. How much more Rick (he's like the Amare Stoudamire of the group), Shane (Yup, he's Melo) and Lori (D'Antoni) can we take?

I've already compared the Walking Dead to Lost but the others resemble other Knicks. Daryl is Shumpert, Andrea is Chandler, Dale is Jarred Jeffries. Well I could go on. Glenn is the kid every Walking Dead fanatic/nerd/geek roots for. He's the young kid who seems to be overlooked, never gets the chance to voice his opinion in major decisions but somehow scored the hottie. He's the guy we relate to. He cares more about the team (err I mean rag tag group of survivors) that he'd be willing to sacrifice having grunt relations with Maggie.

He's the underdog that has the potential to be awesome, to make the show better than it is now. This needs to happen. We deserve it.

We need Glennsanity.

Categories: fast moving zombies, glennsanity, jeremy lin, linsanity, the walking dead, tv shows, walking dead, white girl with asian guy

They Wait (Review)

They Wait

They Wait (2007)

Directed by Ernie Barbarash

After watching the opening scene of They Wait and after the intro credits started to roll, up came the foreboding credit of:

Executive Producer

Uwe Boll

I should have just shut off the movie right then and there. But I knew what I was getting into. I knew a film based on Chinese mythos and ghost stories would be your typical The Ring-like dash and scare.

But dammit, it had the hotness that is Jaime King. And the there's this clip I saw where she gets into the shower and gets spooked. So I spent the next 80 minutes hoping that this would turn into a very good American remake ala The Ring.

And I kept waiting. And waiting. And freakin waiting.

I'm still fuckin waiting.

Boring Plot-O-Matic

A young mother and her six-year-old son come face to face with the mysteries of two murders and a great crime against the Chinese community into which they have recently arrived from Shanghai.

Awesome Review-O-Matic

Before I review, let me answer all your most important and pertinent questions about this flick.

1.) Are you telling me that in They Wait, Jaime King is married to a Chinese dude?

A: Fuck yeah. Kudos to the filmmakers for making all Asian guys think they have a chance to score with Jaime King.

2.) So you're telling me when some Chinese dude and Jaime King have an offspring, it looks like a 100% Chinese kid?

A: Yes. Not even a hint of any Caucasian genes is in this kid. Look at the pic below. Is that kid even look like he's from a mixed marriage?????

3.) OK, I just want to watch this movie because I heard there is a Jaime King shower scene. Does she get naked?

A: Well naked is a relative term. It looks like she is naked, but you don't see shit. It's like the Jessica Alba scene in The Eye. Fuckin big tease. Check out the scene here.

4.) So just tell me already, this is like the Ring right?

A: Yup. Hot blonde with son tries to stop a ancient spirits of evil from killing her family. She needs to uncover the deep dark secret the family has covered up so that the spirits can rest. Yada yada yada.

5.) Are you sure the hot blonde isn't Sarah Michelle Gellar?

A: Hold on let me check the DVD box again.......nope. It's Jaime King.

6.) I read other reviews and they said there were scary moments and big chills. Is that true?

A: Those people are fuckin idiots. This wouldn't scare an ass out of a hole.

7.) Is this film Canadian?

A: Yeah. Hey. Hosers.

8.) Is there any gore or splatter that would make this film even worth putting on my Netflix queue?

A: Let's see. A tree bleeds. Meat cleaver in the head. Some bones and skulls. Nothing that I can think of.

9.) Will there ever be a good Asian movie that can be remade for Western audiences?

A: Not really. You might as well rent or buy the originals. Read the english subtitles. It's not going to kill you. These movies were made for their core audience for that particular country. They are on the most basic levels movies about the fear of the supernatural in all of us. Wow that sounded like a real review.

10.) So what exactly are they waiting for?

A: I think for the movie to end.

To sum it up, Jaime King basically emotes alot and tries to rid her 100% Chinese son from these demons. A few CGI scares and some flashbacky ending later, you really can't believe this was a DVD movie and not some episode of Fear Itself or a segement of Masters of Horror.

Influences

The Ring
The Grudge
Every other J-horror movie
Every other Thai-horror movie
Every other Chinese-horror movie

Gore-ipedia (if you want to be shocked don't read)

A hatchet through the head (didn't I write that already?)

Nude-ipedia (because you like boobies)

So close to seeing some Jaime King boobies. But trust me, in a few years we'll be seeing her do Skinemax soon enough.

WTF moment

Why didn't I just turn this off in the beginning?

The Jaded Viewer's Final Prognosis

I really should have shut off the flick after seeing the gratuitous Jaime King shower scene. But I was so intrigued by the premise that she was married to this Chinese dude and had a kid that was 100% Chinese I kept watching. I thought they'd explain it. Like it was a kid from the husband's 1st marriage or that he was adopted. I wanted a fuckin explanation for this.

So I kept waiting. And waiting.

Trust me, you don't want to wait this fuckin long.

Rating:
The Trailer:





Tags:
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Categories: canadian horror, chinese ghosts, demons, ghost stories, j-horror, jaime king, jaime king naked, jaime king shower scene, multiracial couple, they wait, they wait review, white girl with asian guy