Showing posts with label rare exports. Show all posts
Showing posts with label rare exports. Show all posts

Thursday, January 06, 2011

Top 10 Horror Movies of 2010 (#20-11)

Everybody has been posting their Top 10 Horror Movies of 2010! Sorry for taking so long to get this live but I had to catch up on some of the movies I missed this year. I usually look at other people's lists and watch the movies that others claimed were the best. If I didn't, I would have missed out on a few sleepers this year.

Like last year, I've extended this to 20 films. In this list of #11-20, you'll be surprised to find has many of the movies that can be found on the horrorsphere's Top 10 lists. I had a different take on what was considered "the best" this year and my picks are totally abnormal from everybody else. I'm just quirky that way.

First some fun facts and sidenotes!
  • Though some of these movies came out in 2009, I label any movie that got wide releases or DVD releases in 2010 as coming out in 2010
  • It's a mix of indie horror and theatrical releases
  • Here are the movies I didn't see yet: Black Swan, Let Me In, Shutter Island, Paranormal Activity 2, After.Life and a few other indie horror films that ended up on some Top 10s
  • The 20 films broken down by country: USA = 12, Canada=2, UK=1, Finland =1, Australia=1, Serbia=1, Netherlands=1, Spain=1
  • The 20 films broken down by spinkick rating: 4 spinkicks=1, 3 spinkicks= 16, 2 1/2 spinkicks=3 (I did not give any horror movie 4 spinkicks this year)
  • Honorable Mentions: The Crazies, Daybreakers, Berdella, Dawning
  • To read the entire review of the film click on the title.
So what did 2010 offer us in the world of horror?
  • The horror mockumentary makes an appearance numerous times
  • Shaky cam/Shot on video flicks haven't jumped the shark yet
  • 3D Horror was everywhere and sucked in most cases
  • The Human Centipede was the most talked about hype movie that bordered on mainstreeminess
  • An unrated horror movie is too much for Hollywood theaters to handle
  • The number one movie on my list is again not from the USA
Let's get to the list! Here is #20 to #11.

20.) Kill Theory
(2 and 1/2 spinkicks)


Kill Theory is not great but compared to the others, it's pretty solid. The premise is an intriguing one. The movie poses the question: What would you do to survive if given the choice to either kill your friends in order to live.

The answer plays out as slightly cliched and is executed in the most extreme way possible. And somehow it came out five by five.

Kill Theory is not a perfect movie, but director Chris Moore takes the Saw 101 approach and spins in some Battle Royale intrigue and a few goretastic moments. The premise is sound and execution is slightly above average.

When you're flipping through your Netflix or your local DVD store, this is the After Dark Horrorfest movie you want to be on the lookout for.

19.) Daybreakers
(2 and 1/2 spinkicks)


I didn't really review this movie but I'll admit, I liked the concept. It's not a perfect movie by any means but the setup was so intriguing I clearly got caught up by a world dominated by vampires.

Seeing this new world where everybody is a vampire has gotta be the best dystopia I've seen in recent years. You would think the vampires would have thought ahead of what would happen.

The movie forgettably succumbs to a long drawn out battle but seeing the technology for a post vampiric world was why it ends up on this list.

There was so much they could have done and they only did the most adequate amount. But it's definitely a sight to behold.


18.) Death of the Dead
(3 spinkicks)


Death of the Dead is a campy horror kung fu comedy, comparable to seeing a YouTube video of a dude getting kicked in the groin. Think Karate Kid meets Troma and throw in a little bit of Scary Movie and some Zucker Brothers. Mix in a blender and you got Death of the Dead.

Death of the Dead is chock full of sight gags, toilet humor and self aware jokes that it had me laughing at all this kung fu foolery. It's also smart enough to not be those movies where you parody the latest popular movie (sorry Twilight fans). What it does is take 2 genres, the karate action movie and the zombie movie and mixes in the cliches from both to make a comedy that cleverly mocks the mockery.

This is the only horror comedy I have on my list. And it should be proud to be here.


17.) Rare Exports
(3 spinkicks)


Rare Exports is that rare holiday gem that makes you feel the holiday spirit. I mentioned Rare Exports and the viral shorts that gave birth to this feature a while ago. Having seen the shorts, I'll admit it took away from the film a bit for me.

Not since Gremlins has a Christmas themed mild horror film put a smile on my face. Rare Exports takes the traditional little boy staple, dashes in a far away land and throws in a few naked but angry Santas to turn in one of the most entertaining holiday movies this year.

Rare Exports gladly twists your red cheeked, white beard, jolly fat man into the most menacing threat on the other side of the Atlantic. Blending fairy tale into a bizarro Christmas tale, Rare Exports gives you that feeling of being a kid on Christmas morning. What more would you want?


16.) Frozen
(2 and 1/2 spinkicks)


What the hell right? Why is Frozen all the way down on a Top 20 list? I know what you're thinking. It should be waaaay higher. But here's the deal for me regarding Frozen.

I absolutely loved the premise of what would you do if you were trapped on a ski lift and there was no hope of rescue. The movie shows some of these theories play out and a few others that seem quite preposterous. Like the movie its ultimately compared to, Open Water (a movie I also thought was average at best) the best part of the movie is not seeing the suffering or the panic on the faces of our would be survivors, it's coming up with ways we think we could survive the same ordeal.

It's a mixed bag of nuts for me. I liked the premise, the escape attempts and *gasp* even the characters. What I didn't like were the other obstacles that nature threw their way that seemed outright ridiculous.
Which is why it ends up as #16.


15.) Sella Turcica
(3 spinkicks)


August Underground this is not. Sella Turcica is the latest film from Toe Tag Pictures.

Sella Turcica takes the cliched overused soldier's homecoming story and adds a horror element that redefines trauma in a whole new way. This is the evolution of Toe Tag we are seeing and I like where they are going. It may take a while to get going but somehow I have to admit I was liking each of the characters. They reminded me of a friend's hometown, each of the people resembling real people, not the cardboard MTV cutouts we always see in horror movies.

It's an uneasy feeling to go from Lifetime movie of the week to gorehound delight in a span of 100 or so minutes. But that's what happens in Sella Turcica and while we all know it won't end well, you know your going to be shell shocked instead of post traumatized.


14.) Burning Bright
(3 spinkicks)


Burning Bright has been on a lot of Top 10s and after seeing this flick I know why. Such a simple premise but it works on all cylinders. A teenage girl and her autistic brother are trapped in a house with A TIGER!!!!!!!!!!! during a hurricane. It's preposterous but its awesome at the same time.

It turns into a cat and mouse affair and we get some scenes of heightened suspense and tension. The house is traveled well and our final girl does all she can to outsmart the tiger.

But the tiger goes all tiger and is damn smart himself.

Who knew a movie about a killer tiger could give me a horror happy?



13.) Splice
(4 spinkicks)


Insano Steve gave this 4 spinkicks and I would give it high marks as well.

I've missed DNA resequencing films and Splice shows why they are so much fun to watch.

Via Insano Steve.

See Splice. Seriously, see Splice! This was a super fun movie to watch. At first, I had hoped this would be a semi-realistic look at the dangers of gene manipulation.

As it turns out, it was just a B-movie, but a thoroughly enjoyable one. Seriously, if you haven’t seen it yet, go see Splice!


12.) The Taint
(3 spinkicks)


The Taint is the next evolution of the Troma movie. I think Troma has lost touch with it's extreeminess but directors Drew Bolduc and Dan Nelson have spawned a new genre of low budget horror comedy. The American WTF movie. That's what The Taint is. It's got a mild plot, some easily identifiable characters and lots of WTF. I've never seen so much WTF in my movie viewing history. That and a lot of penis. Yes folks, this movie has more penis shots than a Playgirl pictorial.

I've seen some indie budget horror coms that fall in line with The Taint. But the others never had the amount of gore and splatter this flick has. In the same vain as Black Devil Doll, Isle of the Damned, Hanger, Gutterballs and John Waters flicks it's 110% offensive and 200% fucked up fun.

Running at an unbelievable 70 minutes, you'll need to take a long cold shower after seeing this filthy filth. If you have a wife or GF, send them to movies to see a rom com because they may "Bobbit" you if they catch you watching The Taint.


11.) The Horseman
(3 spinkicks)


It's been a while since I've seen a straight balls hurtin revenge movie. I still believe Chan-wook Park's Oldboy is the standard though Kill Bill puts out the ultraviolence pretty solidly as well. But that's the past.

Welcome to Australia's version of revenge.

And as the old adage goes, if you see one uber violent revenge movie this year....well let it be The Horseman.

Steven Kastrissio's The Horseman is a climax of alpha male Fight Club fists of fury meets a dish best served cold. The journey we take with Christian, our grief stricken father whose daughter was snuffed by a porn/snuff ring is suspenseful and filled with clashing of pure poetic violence.

Check your guns and katanas at the door. No need for that wimpy shit here. Christian uses a variety of elaborate torture weapons from knives, hammers and pliers to exact his blood fury. So what do we end up with?

A soon to be classic revenge movie that is no holds barred one of the best the genre has to offer.

*********************************************

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Thursday, December 02, 2010

Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale (Review)

Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale

Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale (2010)

Directed by Jalmari Helander

He knows when you're awake.
He knows if you've been bad or good.
So be good for goodness sake!

You better watch out!
Better not cry!
Better not pout!
I'm telling you why,
Santa Claus is comin' to town.

Oh those lyrics turn from jolly happy to creepy scary after you've seen Jalmari Helander's film Rare Exports. But it's scary happy good times for all.

Rare Exports is that rare holiday gem that makes you feel the holiday spirit. I mentioned Rare Exports and the viral shorts that gave birth to this feature a while ago. Having seen the shorts, I'll admit it took away from the film a bit for me. Which is why I'm going to grade this film on people who've seen the shorts and those who haven't.

Not since Gremlins has a Christmas themed mild horror film put a smile on my face. Rare Exports takes the traditional little boy staple, dashes in a far away land and throws in a few naked but angry Santas to turn in one of the most entertaining holiday movies this year.

Rare Exports gladly twists your red cheeked, white beard, jolly fat man into the most menacing threat on the other side of the Atlantic. Blending fairy tale into a bizarro Christmas tale, Rare Exports gives you that feeling of being a kid on Christmas morning. What more would you want?

Boring Plot-O-Matic

A film for those who think they don't believe in Santa Claus anymore

In the depths of the Korvatunturi mountains, 486 metres deep, lies the closest ever guarded secret of Christmas. The time has come to dig it up!

This Christmas everyone will believe in Santa Claus.

Awesome Review-O-Matic

If you watched the shorts, you kind of know what the deal is. For the uninitiated let me explain. In the mountains of Finland, miners find something interesting buried underneath the ice. The powerful Sub Zero Corporation led by Riley know what they've discovered. The legend is real, the true origin of Santa Claus.

The film introduces us to youngling Pietari, who is a cute, clever boy who seems to know more about whats going on then the adults. He lives with his father who with other locals live a quiet life in a town bordering the dig site. It's not long before Pietari, his father and a couple of rag tag local hunters discover something isn't right with Sub Zero's dig. After slaughtered reindeer are found, the hunters soon become the hunted.

Pietari knows what's the what and after the group discover and hold ransom a "Santa" they have to deal with more than they bargained for. I don't want to give much away but suffice it to say its a journey of boy cries wolf, wolf attacks and boy grows up to be a man and saves the day!

Many of the characters are colorful with Pietari (Onni Tommila) stealing the show. His father and his friends are gingerbread eating entrepreneurs and Juuso (Pietari's BFF) is the skeptical older kid. But the most shocking character of them all is seeing Santa Claus (Peeter Jakobi) portrayed as a blood thirsty, children eating wild animal. In any other context, the sight of a skinny, naked old man with a long gray beard and a menacing stare would mean an immediate call to Chris Hansen and his To Catch A Predator crew. But Rare Exports takes it to a whole new level.

The folklore of an evil Santa who was so sadistic that he had to be buried in a icy jail is hilariously awesome. As the movie progresses, we soon realize Santa isn't alone and our locals will have to use some skill to survive December 25th.

The good of Rare Exports is it flips the old happy go lucky Christmas story as it unleashes some crazed looney Santas. I liked the fact it was unique in its approach of creating a mythos of the Santa legend. All Christmas stories be it films or TV are so sappy and corny and Rare Exports is not an exception. A dramedy scene involving Pietari and his father feels like Lifetime movie of the week as you can get. There are a few ha ha's that keep it lighthearted in that PG-13 sorta way. Kids 13 or older will yuck it up yet cheer for Pietari as he saves the day and that's the fun of Rare Exports. It's like Home Alone but with naked Santas.

The bad in my opinion is that if YOU'VE SEEN THE SHORTS, you kinda lose a bit of the magic of this film. Rare Exports becomes a sort of prequel to the shorts as you know exactly how the film will end. The beauty of the shorts were in their National Geographic approach to documenting the catching and packaging of a Santa. Having seen them, the ending became a little lackluster and very anticlimactic.

Also, the movie has a very much Spielberg feel to it but without the Spielberg multi million dollar effects. The buildup to seeing "the great threat that could jeopardize Christmas" ends with a mild exploding whimper. As much as I like the indie approach of the let your imagination run wild, I kind of wanted to see some serious battles and a wild, insane ending.

So should you see Rare Exports?

I'd have to recommend it as their aren't many Christmas themed movies coming out this month. Rare Exports feels like 80s Holiday horror-omedy. It's clever, it's cute and it's a family film for the more adventurous film goer.

Folks, this isn't Santa's Slay or a Silent Night, Deadly Night. It's a indie film with a wild imagination. Santa Claus has been rebooted. And he's hungry for some boys and girls on the naughty list.

Gore-ipedia

Slaughted reindeer count?

Nude-ipedia

Full frontal Santas ::shivers::

WTF moment

The real Santa

The Jaded Viewer's Final Prognosis


Rare Exports opens this Friday in NYC at the IFC Center. It opens in Austin, LA, MN, Pasadena and Portland on 12/10 and the rest of the country on 12/17.

If you want full enjoyment out of the film DO NOT SEE THE SHORTS!!!! If you've already watched them, it's still all good. Think of this film as a prequel to the awesomeness of the shorts and it's worth seeing.

Hmm I think I've been kind of naughty this year. C'mon Santa! Bring it!

The Vitals
Rating (if you haven't seen the shorts):


Rating (if you've seen the shorts):
1/2




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