Friday, July 31, 2009

Black Devil Doll (NYC Screening)


If all goes according to plan, today should be the day I see Black Devil Doll, one of my most anticipated movies of 2009.

The last theatrical screening is today in NYC before it heads over to DVD in October.

If your in the NYC area, the info is below.

Black Devil Doll
Friday July 31, 2009 (Midnight)
Cinema Village
22 East 12th Street
New York, NY 10003
All Tickets: $10.00

If you've been stuck in Utah for like forever and missed one of the best trailers to EVAAAAR come out, check em out below.

BE WARNED!!! IT'S SORTA OFFENSIVE AND FILLED WITH RATED R NUDITY!!!!

Check out the Rated R trailer.




To see gratuitous nudity, lots of cursing and splatter-ific gore, see the unrated, uncensored trailer on the official site.

I'll be STICKING IT TO THE MAN with my review next week.

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Thursday, July 30, 2009

The Wild Man of the Navidad (Review and Mysterious Comments?!?)

The Wild Man of the Navidad

The Wild Man of the Navidad (2008)

Directed by Duane Graves/Justin Meeks

[this was a review I wrote for UGO.com]

Buy if:

-...you love old, 70s grindhouse faux documentaries like The Legend of Boggy Creek and the Last Broadcast

-...you like Texas style, beer and moonshine guzzling rednecks getting slaughtered by an unseen "monster" in the Texas backwoods

-...you dig those Nimoy hosted "In Search Of" Time Life book shows and paranormal Unsolved Mysteries episodes

Pass if:

-...you're not a fan of blurry monster shots and cheesy gore effects complete with blood splatter on walls and sliced intenstine carnage

-...you hated the Texas Chainsaw Massacre and despise shots of decaying animals and sunsets

-...you're not a fan of bad acting and dialogue that makes you go to sleep

Read the rest of the review here.

Here is where it gets weird. After the review was published yesterday, a user by the name of "bisforbest" posted a comment. He defended the filmmakers for bring back the old grindhouse feel but questioned why I brought up the budget of this film (it was shot on a shoestring).

I love replying back to anybody responding to any of my reviews. I commented back just explaining in more detail what worked well and what didn't. I also said the budget would have helped in better talent, FX effects, etc. Well nothing weird about that so far.

But thanks to Evil Adam who is an editor at UGO.com, did some Encyclopedia Brown-ing (via some Google detective work) discovered that this user *gasp* may or may not be the director of this film, a one Mr. Duane Graves. You can check out the rest of the comments here.

Hmmmm. Well this is getting way too fuckin odd.

Would this director actually cloak himself and pretend to be a "fan of his own movie"? Really? This is some classic cloak and dagger shit which I think is truly unneccesary.

Well you might be asking for some proof? Well Evil Adam discovered that a particular e-mail address is being used by this poster and this e-mail addy can be found all over the web for posts in response to the works of Meeks and Graves (the co-directors of the film).

Coincidence? Hmmm. You decide.

Let me just say that I didn't hate the film (though I gave it a C grade). It's really a great homage to the old flicks of old grindhouse horror docu-style Bigfoot like movies. But due to the acting (locals were used), subpar gore/splatter effects and too many scenes of moonshine drinking, it turned out a little cheesy.

My review echoed the tone of many others from Fangoria, Bloody Disgusting and Dread Central for sure.

If the director is masquerading as a "fan of the Wild Man of the Navidad", that's some sly internet hype scheme he's working. But seriously, no need to do that. The movie has gotten good to great press from the horrorsphere. Just comment on the reviews and thank them for the coverage and press.

That's all I'm looking for.

**UPDATE**


-Johnny over at Freddy in Space posted his 2 cents about this whole thing. Go ahead and check it out.

-I've been doing some IMDB and Facebook investigating. More to come.

-And if somehow I'm 100% wrong about this. I apologize. Evil Adam though, he's not going to apologize. He'd wait until 2012 and the apocalypse before he would say he was wrong. So tough luck.


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Wednesday, July 29, 2009

The Hills Run Red (Trailer)

I'm a sucker for horror movies where the plot is the search for snuff or some dastardly sick horror movie that nobody has ever seen.

But after seeing the trailer for The Hills Run Red, we may get another course in this subgenre of horror. There has been a reemergence in vintage, slasher flicks with Laid to Rest being the best of the bunch. But this flick follows the tried and true formula of hiking teenagers, gratuitous nudity, an unkillable masked slasher and tons of gore and splatter. The buzz and hype for The Hills Run Red has been maxed out with appearances by Dave Parker and Sophie Monk (who goes full frontal in THRR) at SDCC.

The hype has been shockingly positive.

Here be the plot:

The story centers on a film fanatic whose obsession with finding a complete print of an infamous slasher movie leads him and two friends into the backwoods where the film was shot. They realize too late that filming never ended -- and now they must survive a nightmarish onslaught or become part of the movie forever.

The movie comes out on DVD September 29th via Warner Premiere.

Check out the teaser trailer below.



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Tuesday, July 28, 2009

The Horrorsphere: What We Have in Common

I ran out of horror movies to watch.

That's a first. Don't worry, my dealer sent me a new flick to review and it should be up before the week is up. In any case, after reading this post from Freddy in Space I too got inspired to chime in on the awesomeness of being part of the horror blogging community.

Taking a cue from BJ-C from Day of the Woman who lists 7 things on why the horror blogging community is the coolest I figured I'd go on a different tangent. I'm going to list the things I think we have in common. These may be dead on or waaay off. But here it goes. I'm doing my best George Carlin "little things we all have in common, universal moments we share..." impersonation.

-We visit Bloody Disgusting, Fangoria and Dread Central every day
-We have Blogger all tabbed up and ready to go
-We have comments e-mailed to us and reply within 15 minutes
-We check our traffic every 2 days
-We skim the RSS feeds of other horror blogs and click on only our faves
-We IMDB a movie of a trailer we've just seen, then click on Trivia (if any), check out the user comments and/or click on external reviews
-We constantly add our reviews to external reviews on IMDB
-We check on Google Followers we have
-We check on how many Twitter followers we have
-We read each and every comment posted on our site even if its a comment on a post we did like 3 years ago
-We write our best posts way late at night
-We are easily encouraged when somebody likes our review and want to eviscerate Voorhees style anybody who disagrees with our reviews
-We write reviews with at least 2 quotable lines so just in case, a distributor may use it on the back of a DVD box
-We use horror slang in our everyday conversations like we're vocally blogging
-We've all been visited by a user from a country we cannot pronounce
-We are shocked when Hollywood actually comes out with a good hard R horror film
-We all moan when Platinum Dunes decides to rape our collective horror childhood and remakes yet another horror classic
-We all know who Adam Green is
-We have all written a retro review (which all came from some late night viewing of something in our DVD collection)
-We have all attended one of the following (or all of em), Fangoria Weekend of Horrors, Chiller Theater, Fantastic Fest, NY or SD Comic Con, Cinema Wastleand, Horrorhound, Fantasia, Rue Morgue's Festival of Fear, etc.
-We have all got e-mails from filmmakers, directors and writers hoping to give some press to their flicks
-We all have a bootleg version of Night of the Living Dead
-We have all read Max Brook's World War Z
-We have at least 3 t-shirts of our favorite horror movies
-We get excited when we get a screener in the mail
-We have seen one of the After Dark Horrorfest movies and regretted it
-We think some of the monsters or animal/insect movies gone wild on the Sci Fi channel are funny good but will never admit it
-We have all met Kane Hodder
-We have all met Tom Savini
-We have all met George A. Romero
-We all went to see at least 1 3D horror movie and kept the Real D glasses
-We are constantly looking for classic horror or exploitation trailers on YouTube
-We all secretly love Judd Apatow films
-We all comment on each others blogs because we genuinely have something to say
-We all hope the next leap, will be the leap home

One day, I hope too meet other horror bloggers (any horror bloggers from NYC or the tri state area?) It would be awesome to talk about horror and whatnot. Be sure to check out all the horror blogs from all the links to the right. All these blogs are probably way better than mine, but not one of them covers Van Damme like I do. :-P

I'll finally conclude with this. They're listening.

The directors, fimmakers, distributors, studios and even some mainstreaminess media listen to what's going on in our corner of the web. I've gotten e-mails from directors, writers and studios who thank me and the horrorsphere for giving their indie horror flick some press or reviewing their indie movie via a screener. It's exhilarating to hear that praise and gratitude from the industry you cover and write about.

The horrorsphere is not dead.

It's growing and it's a shacky cam flick away from being remade.


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Monday, July 27, 2009

Top 10 Villains from Arnold Schwarzenegger Movies

Arnold is rumored to be in The Expendables. Hopefully he'll be joining the action star packed cast so we can see him kick ass in a brief cameo. But in the meantime, after my 20th viewing of watching Commando on AMC I figured this list was due. Yeah we can rank Ar-nuhld movies forever, but lets rank Arnold villains. Because their quotes are as good as Arnolds, right?
So here are the top 10 villains from the Schwarzenegger movie filmography.

Top 10 Villains from Arnold Schwarzenegger Movies

10.) Cullen Crisp, Sr.

From: Kindergarten Cop

Dude, he tried to kidnap a little kid and kill some ferrets. Now that's just fuckin evil.

Plus he tried to burn down a school and he's all Sopranos-ed up.

Thanks to Detective Kimble, he didn't succeed.





9.) All the soldiers in the Val Verde Army

From: Commando

According to IMDB Trivia, Matrix kills only 81 people in Commando. Well most of them were soldiers loyal to El Presidente, Arias who were part of the very inept army of Val Verde.

All the soldiers never stood a chance again the one man Army of John Matrix, because if you get in the way of Matrix and his daughter Jenny, you're a dead man.





8.) Salim Abu Aziz

From: True Lies

Salim Abu Aziz was the leader of the terrorist group Crimson Jihad. Working in cahoots with the hottie Juno Skinner to smuggle a nuclear bomb into the US, he had a lot of of henchman at his disposal but all proved to be useless. He even kidnapped Harry Tasker's daughter (and you know what happens when you get between Arnold and his fictional daughter, see above). Give him credit though, he actually got away from Tasker in an awesome motorcycle vs horse scene.





7.) Killian

From: The Running Man

What's more evil than a dictator or terrorist? A reality game show producer killing convicts for sport.

Killian is the host of "The Running Man", where stalkers snuff out cons for the American masses. But when he puts Ben Richards on the show, Richards easily disposes of stalkers Dynamo, Sub Zero and Buzzsaw.

Killian's game show manipulated the truth and kept the audiences in the dark. A reality show thats actually scripted? Get the fuck out of here!





6.) TX aka Terminatrix

From: Terminator 3

She's hot, she's a Terminator that kills other Terminators and she's hot.

The TX actually gives our Model 101 a run for his money in this one. Coldblooded, meticulous and an arsernal full of Cyberdyne weaponry, the TX makes red leather look damn good.





5.) Thulsa Doom

From: Conan the Barbarian

Thulsa Doom, leader of the evil Snake Cult kills Conan's parents and force him to life as a slave.

Hows that for being evil?

Let's throw in virgin sacrifices, slavery and pillaging.

Conan goes all revenge is a dish served cold and proceeds to behead Mr. Doom. This is what happens when you worship snakes.

Large, giant humongous snakes.





4.) Richter

From: Totall Recall

"See you at the party Richter!"

Yeah Cohaagen was the mastermind, but it's Richter that does all the dirty work. He's the one who killed the girl with 3 tits (what a waste) and was banging Sharon Stone.

He killed a lot of innocent people, but thanks to Quaid he loses both arms and falls to death in a very happy, gruesome fashion.





3.) Bennett

From: Commando

Let's go thru his evil resume. Kidnaps Jenny Matrix, kills Matrix's unit, helps an evil dictator and is Australian.

He's like a live action Zartan!

Poor Bennett, if only he let out some steam, he wouldn't be this tense. Thank goodness, Matrix makes that happen.





2.) The Predator

From: Predator

The best Arnold villains are the one's that hold their own against him. The Predator does just that. He's just as cunning, strong and just as badass as Dutch.

Even when the camoflauge tech goes on the fritz, he stands mano y mano with Dutch.

And even with his last breath, the Predator still
tried to get the last laugh by blowing up most of a Southern American country.






1.) T-1000

From: Terminator 2

Well of course the T-1000 is #1. Why wouldn't this Terminator that's mimetic metal alloy and can shapeshift be the best villain in all of Arnold's flicks.

C'mon, you weren't even sure if the T-1000 could be beat when you saw T2 for the first time.

The T-1000 was so bad ass, terminated countless innocent civies and caused so much destruction, at some points I was cheering for it.

When it walked thru steel bars, got shot a zillion times and ran faster than Usain Bolt, I was like WTF!

The T-1000 is the pinnacle of all Arnold villains. Nuff said.





Did I miss one? Do you have a favorite Arnold villain? Chime in and comment below.



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Friday, July 24, 2009

Van Damme is Back! Karate (Poster and Plot)

If your a loyal follower of the jaded viewer, you know we are devoted Jean Claude Van Damme fans. So we HAVE to give you obligatory JCVD news feeds.

Thanks to Insano Steve for sending over a link and plot summary to JCVD's new movie, Karate. This flick for a while was entitled "The Pit Bull". First, lets discuss the poster. He's shirtless, behind a gate and it's got the tagline:

"Can the master of the ancient arts conquer the caged fighters of Las Vegas?"

Looks like Van Damme wants to kick the shit out of some MMA fighters. It's the Kumite meets the the UFC. A lot of people are saying it's very Kickboxer-ish, which would be a good thing as it shows JCVD is getting back to his roots.

After JCVD, I didn't know what we'd get from the Muscles from Brussels. Thank the Kokoruki clan, he's going back to where it all started.

Here be the plot from the official site. It will come out sometime in 2010.

A legendary karate world champion (Van Damme), known as The Piston because of the speed of his legs, is famous and wealthy and has the martial arts world as his feet. But his ego takes control and his world begins to crumble around him. He loses his family and his life goes into a downward spiral. Before long, this one time champion is living like a bum on the streets of Los Angeles.

Then, the Piston meets KK, an internet fight promoter. KK has a dream... to find a fighter good enough to win the prestigious freestyle mega fighting championship in Las Vegas. The Piston returns to his karate roots in Japan to find the fighting edge he needs to become a champion again. He comes back to Las Vegas for his make it or break it fight, for the fight of his life in the cage against the undefeated young champion from New York The Bulldozer.

This classic, gritty, riches-to-rags-to-riches story has a heartfelt, nail-biting, edge-of-your-seat finale. It is one of the greatest fight movies of all time, appealing to a wide-ranging, new-generation audience and especially to the millions of karate and martial arts fans around the world who are hungry for a new martial arts epic in the tradition of Bloodsport



JCVD's next movie of course is Universal Soldier 3: The Next Generation. US3 reunites JCVD and Dolph Lundgren. Here be the plot....(thanks to Shockya.com)

A crazed Chechen nationalist, BASAYEV, seizes control of Chernobyl, site of the infamous nuclear meltdown, and threatens to unleash a radioactive cloud unless his nationalist blackmail demands are met.

LUC DEVERsEAUX (Jean-Claude Van Damme) joins a U.S. team of revived UniSoldiers secretly held in deep storage. Their mission: retake Chernobyl and disable explosives that will unleash the radioactive clouds. Luc is surprised when he finds one of the reactivated UniSoldiers is a clone of his old Sergeant, ANDREW SCOTT (Dolph Lundgren). But the cloned Andrew has no recollection of Luc.

As the team furiously battles its way into the Chernobyl plant, they are caught off guard. Using a mind-control chip, Baseyev turns Andrew against his own comrades. Now surrounded, wounded, and out-numbered, Luc must battle Andrew, and save the world.

Are you getting psyched? Super psyched? Mega psyched?

With The Eagle Path soon to be released, JCVD now out on DVD is 2009 the year of the Van Damme?

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Thursday, July 23, 2009

Holy Sucka! Black Dynamite and Black Devil Doll (Info and Release Dates)

I recently received e-mails from Scott Sanders, director of Black Dynamite and Shawn Lewis, writer of Black Devil Doll which gave me a happy. It's awesome when both dudes give you props for supporting and giving interweb buzz for their films.

First let's start with Black Dynamite, which screened at the Tribeca Film Festival (which I missed catching it at).

The official release date is October 16, 2009.

Also, the black forces of power Sanders and star Michael Jai White will be at this year's San Diego Comic Con.

The panels they'll be at are below.

The Black Panel
Saturday, July 25
10:00 AM / 5AB
Featuring Ludacris, Kel Mitchell, Prodigal Sunn, Reggie Hudlin, Denys Cowan and BD Team Member Michael Jai White

The Black DYNAMITE Panel
Saturday, July 25
6:30 PM
Hosted by Elvis Mitchell
Featuring Scott Sanders, Michael Jai White, Salli Richardson-Whitfield, Byron Minns, and Cedric Yarbrough

Never before seen clips and more viral videos are a coming like this one where Black Dynamite and Supreme Court nominee Judge Sonia Sotomayor agree on numchucks.






Now on to Black Devil Doll which will have it's last theatrical screening in NYC. I'm definitely going to be at that one so say what's what and give the jaded viewer a shoutout mofo!

Shawn Lewis dropped some motherfuckin one sheets of the film and get this...the movie's got a MOTHERFUCKIN TIE IN NOVEL!

You heard me straight you jive ass fool. A sequel novel!

Check out the images below and click on them for a more detailed look.







As always, head over to the official site for more info.

I'm super uber psyched about both flicks. You should be too. Fuck Hollywood! Killer pimp dolls and throwback black super agent heroes is where its at!

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Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Wapakman (Teaser Trailer)


Manny Pacquiao

Batista

Nicole Scherzinger



What do all these people have in common? Well there going to be in Topel Lee's new movie Wapakman of course. What were you expecting? A Pussycat Dolls, WWE boxing match?

What is this movie about? Who the hell knows. But here is what we know.

Wapakman is the story of a superhero, played by pound for pound king Manny Pacquiao. Fil-Am WWE wrestler Batista plays the villain while Pussycats Dolls hottie Nicole Scherzinger (she's half Pinay) is his love interest.

This looks crazy, funny awesome. Filipino action movies are usually cheesy but Manny has said this is like a Filipino "Kung Fu Hustle".

The movie will premiere at the Metro Manila Film Festival in December. Check out the teaser below.



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Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Raging Phoenix (Trailer)

Holy fuckin cow. I just wet myself. After the "ehh oh wow" that was Ong Bak 2, Tony Jaa is sooo yesterday. Just let me watch JeeJa Yanin kick ass again makes the jaded viewer a happy boy.

So what will we get to see in her new movie following her debut after Chocolate?

An romantic action-omedy!

Mega intense training montage!!

You Got Served meets Ong Bak!!!

Chinese Drunken Fist vs Drunken Muay Thai!!!!

Choreographed Doubles tag team fight movies!!!!!

Starring.....

The mega hot Jeeja Yanin
Kazoo, TRICKZ martial arts champion from France!?
Roontawan, The Asia Pacific Woman Bodybuilding Champion?!?
Thai B-Boys!?!?

What more do you want? (Oh, duh. Of course the trailer which you can see below)

Plot seems to revolve around a gang kidnapping rich girls in Thailand so they can harvest their organs or some other. But plots in muay thai action is like dialogue in porn, it's totally irrelevant.

This looks uber awesome.





Thanks to Twitch for the heads up and the trailers. You can check out Twitch more info-rama.

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Monday, July 20, 2009

the jaded viewer in the horrorsphere press

People ask me why I started the jaded viewer.

Simple.

One day, I'd like to see a quote from one of my reviews on the back of a DVD box. I just think that would be mega cool.

I've come close. Toby Wilkins, the director of Splinter posted a review blurb on his tumblr blog.

And a few others have been putting links to my reviews on their sites. I've compiled a few of them below. Click on the image to go to the jaded viewer blurb.So yeah, this is just a me touting a few press internet clippings from the filmmakers and official sites.

One day, a jaded viewer quote will be on the front or back of a DVD box. And when that day comes, I'll end the site. :-P














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Friday, July 10, 2009

the jaded viewer goes on vacation

This will be my last post for a week as I go on a much needed vacation. If its anything like The Ruins, I'll be the one chopping off my own leg. Or I may be abducted like in Turistas. Or even worse, end up in a motel like in Vacancy.

Umm. On second thought......

So while I'm gone, feel free to dig around and read my reviews. I may also be tweeting on this little adventure and may be checking up the comments every now and then.

If major horror news happens, leave a comment and let me know as I won't know what the hell is happening around the horror-sphere.

It's a quest for fun! See you in a week or more!



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Thursday, July 09, 2009

Header (Review)

Header

Header (2006)

Directed by Archibald Flancranstin

What is a header?

Oh that's the big question that everybody asks and no one wants to give the answer to.

And you're not going to get anything out of me in this review.

Because if you are going to watch this movie, you need to see it for yourself, through virgin eyes. Because after seeing Header, I can honestly say I felt like I was covered in filth and vomit. And that's actually a good thing.

I call myself the jaded viewer because I believe I've seen everything and am too jaded for anything that could shock the shit out of me. Well, Header shocked the shit out of me. And that's saying something.

With the remake system churning out grindhouse homages left and right and Saw and Hostel still assembly line producing torture porn, it's the indie horror scene that goes back to the basics. They bring to life an infamous Edward Lee novella, complete with Edward Lee and Jack Ketchum cameos, supply the most grotesque, sick, most fucked up hillbilly revenge scenario and have the main character, ironically an ATF agent be the pro or anti tagonist depending on the scene.

It equals to one of the best modern day grindhouse movies I've ever seen.

Boring Plot-O-Matic

HEADER portrays the grueling psychological journey taken by ATF Agent Stewart Cummings. On the surface, Stewart struggles to solve a string of bizarre murders, but in secret, his life falls into a world of corruption that's impossible to escape. Deceit, rape, and murder spiral out of control triggering a hellish conclusion that defies description.

Awesome Review-O-Matic

Before watching this movie, I read some reviews from other horror sites. The one thing everybody made sure of was NOT to divulge what a header is. And I won't either. It's to be discovered over the course of the movie, but I will say you find out early on.

The thing about Header is that it's as repulsive as advertised. I'm not advocating everybody see this atrocity come to life but I have to put it in the echelon of the most disturbing movies ever made (this list has some good ones in it). Like Nekromantik or Henry or Cannibal Holocaust, these are movies that live in infamy due to their content. Header, given a few years and a Synapse Films release will soon be joining that infamy.

The funny part is the movie as a whole is actually very interesting and when you get past the header, it's actually funny in that 'sploitation sorta way. It's the other stuff that makes it all super duper 70s 42nd Street awesomerific.

So what's the other stuff? Well we get to follow corrupt ATF agent Cummings. He's patrolling the backwoods of West Virginia (advice: never ever visit West Virginia) and he's got some serious problems. His GF is sick as a dog and he's up shit's creek in medical bills. To make up for it, he using his federal powers to help some drug runners.

Set on a parallel timeline is the story of Travis Clyde Tuckton. A recently released prisoner, he's the redneck hillbilly we all believe live in West Virginia. He joins his "grand pappy" who's got a little Hatfields and McCoys in him. Soon these feuds end up with dead girl bodies and both our main antagonists meet in a most fucked up scenario (and yes it involves a header).

Header is filled with redneck hillbillies, corrupt cops, cracker whores and every sort of backwards mentality you can think of. It has that "Fight for Your Life" feel to it in a sense of that southern twang. Add some top notch gore and splatter, some tolerable acting and a landscape of the backwoods of redneckville and you got yourself a self made moonshine of grindhouse glory.

Flancranstin does a great job of blending all this together and from the production took a hell of a long time to finish. The actors are all pretty descent in this, from Jake Suffian as Agent Cummings to Elliot Kotek as Tuckton. Though the performance of Dick Mullaney as Grandpap Jack was scary as a minority at a KKK bonfire. Don't mess with this old man.

Header is the best underground horror movie of the 21st century. Back in the day, you would have to go to a horror convention and buy a dubbed 3rd generation VHS tape of these pinnacle underground horror flicks. These days, you can torrent it and I just found out it's going to be on Netflix. In any case, Synapse has put it on DVD.

If you decide to cowboy up and watch Header, you are a fuckin sicko. A disturbed, fucked up individual. And in doing so, you will be initiated into the elite club of having seen one of the most fucked up films ever made. Welcome to the club.


Gore-ipedia

Headers (like lots of em)
Gunshot leg trauma
Shot to the head (x2)

Nude-ipedia

Victim boobies

WTF moment

Duh. When I found out what a header was.
The ending (it was twisty and fuckin fitting)

The Jaded Viewer's Final Prognosis

Header is available now on DVD via Synapse Films. Order it if your man enough. For more teaser and full trailers head to the official site and the MySpace site.

Header is the most brutal, atrocious, f*** up movie I've seen in a while. It brings the glory days of grindhouse back from the dead and does it with a vengeance. They say revenge is a dish best served cold.

Well not in Header it isn't.


Rating:
1/2


Check out a couple of teaser trailers.

Teaser Trailer #1





Teaser Trailer #2





Teaser Trailer #3






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Wednesday, July 08, 2009

Evil Things, Ink, Thirst, Black Devil Doll (NYC Screenings)

July is going to rock in terms of mega cool films having their premieres in NYC. I'm glad I live here. If you're in the area, a bunch of movies I've reviewed, previewed and am psyched for will be in theatres soon.

Evil Things (check out my review), Ink (check out the trailer), Thirst (check out the trailer) and Black Devil Doll (check out the trailer) will have screenings this month. I've listed them below so you all have a heads up. You will be sure to see me at some of these screenings if not all.

Here is the schedule so far.

July 9, 2009

Ink
Thursday July 9, 2009 (7:30pm)
Cinema Village
22 East 12th Street
New York, NY 10003
All Tickets: $10.00

Advance Tickets: Tickets

July 10, 2009

Evil Things
Long Island International Film Expo
Friday July 10, 2009 (9:30pm)
Bellmore Movie Theater
222 Pettit Avenue
Bellmore, NY 11710
516-783-3199
All Tickets $9.00

Advance Tickets: http://www.liifilmexpo.org/

Also,the producers will begin auditioning for our next project (Evil Things 2) right after our screening of our first movie (Evil Things 1) at the Long Island International Expo.

July 31, 2009

Thirst

Friday July 31, 2009 (TBD)
Landmark Sunshine Cinema
143 East Houston Street
New York, NY 10001
All Tickets N/A

More information: http://www.filminfocus.com/focusfeatures/film/thirst/theatres

Black Devil Doll
Friday July 31, 2009 (Midnight)
Cinema Village
22 East 12th Street
New York, NY 10003
All Tickets: $10.00

More information: http://www.blackdevildoll.com/screenings.html

I can't wait to see all these flicks. See ya there.

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Sweet Karma (Trailer)

The subgenre of rape and revenge is still alive and kickin. But this time with a twist. Because it seems our heroine in this one kicks ass for all exploited women. Tack another Must See exploitation/grindhouse movies of 2009.

Check out the plot below.

There’s an underground sex trade in Toronto that few people know about. It’s a modern day world of slavery controlled by organized crime that under its thin veil of beauty and seduction is rife with drugs and extreme violence. It’s a world few would deliberately choose to enter, let alone a shy, beautiful 21 year-old girl from Russia like Karma Balint. But unlike the others that inhabit this sleazy world, Karma has one thing and one thing only on her mind. Revenge.

She's also a mute Russian hottie. Seems very similar to They Call Her One Eye and Ms. 45 doesn't it?

The movie will be making its premiere, July 11th at the Fantasia Film Fest in Montreal.

Check out the trailer below. Thanks to Arrow in the Head for the update.



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Monday, July 06, 2009

The Eagle Path (Full Extended Trailer)

A new extended trailer has been released for The Eagle Path, the new character action movie from the muscles from Brussels, Jean Claude Van Damme.

We still have no fuckin idea when this is going to get released but I love how the new trailer sums up the plot to obliterate people so that he can rescue a women (who I think is a hooker).

He then recruits a bunch of his buddies to help him.

Hmm, maybe this is why Jean Claude turned down The Expendables. Maybe this movie is like Stallone's. But whereas The Expendables is testosterone, roided up action porn, JCVD's looks to be the Skinemax equivelant.

If you forgot the plot, see below.

A military veteran and former mercenary, Frenchy (Van Damme) works as a taxi driver, hiding somewhere in East Asia, haunted by his past. After his driving shifts he often frequents the Eagle's Nest, a seedy bar that houses a caged eagle. In the midst of the chaotic Asian traffic Frenchy picks up a beautiful female passenger who will change him forever.

Driven by dark memories of his childhood, he becomes determined to improve her life and, without her approval, he embarks on a journey which proves to be more dangerous and complicated then he expected. After encountering a series of harrowing obstacles he calls in favors from his special ops friends who immediately join him. His military team engages in the biggest fight of their lives. War is hell, but nothing they've done could have prepared them for this.

It’s an adrenaline-fueled, full-on, maximum firepower thriller, filled with the intense psychological conflict that Van Damme fans love the world over.

Check out the new, longer full extended trailer below.



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the jaded viewer is now on Twitter

Well I might as well join this damn thing as it seems to be the thing to do. And normally I don't do the thing thats the thing to do but maybe I can get some followers to enjoy the dippity do da reviews of the jaded viewer.

So if your on there, go ahead and check out my twitter page and start following me or whatever. I think most of my tweets will just be updates to the site.

However, some of my tweets might go like this:

Just saw Transformers 2. Insano Steve anecdotes...the final battle scene was an hour and a fuckin half. WTF?!?

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Friday, July 03, 2009

Happy Independence Day from the jaded viewer!

Technically it's July 3rd but tomorrow you get to go all patriotic. And what's more patriotic than Uncle Sam.

Go have your BBQ, eat some red meat and potato salad and watch all those Michael Jackson tributes on E.

And catch up on some horror and anything you missed on the jaded viewer. And don't be shy about commenting. Share your 2 cents on anything I've written be it you agree or disagree. If your on Google Connect, add yourself below and subscribe to my RSS feed.

I'm thinking of even Twittering. Tweeting seems kinda lame to me. For you other horror bloggers, do you tweet? Is it worth doing this?

OK now check out the trailer below or Uncle Sam will kill you.

HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY!!!




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Thursday, July 02, 2009

Home Sick (Review)

Home Sick

Home Sick (2007)

Directed by Adam Wingard

I first heard about Adam Wingard and E.L. Katz when I first viewed Wingard's short Laura Panic. It starred this hot Scarlet Johansson lookalike Hannah Hughes and I was entrenched by the short short too short story.

So of course I IMDBed Wingard and saw he'd directed two flicks, this one and Pop Skull.

We here at the jaded viewer told you about this flick in July of last year. Well I finally got around to watching it.

It seems Home Sick went on a horror festival run and from what I've read from the horror-sphere people dug the flick tremendously. Standing at a solid 90 minutes, we've got a stallar cast of Chiller regulars. The horror queen herself, Tiffany Shepis, Bill fuckin Moseley and Tom Towles.

So what's the hyperpalooza over Home Sick. Home Sick is a macabre dream come to life, acting by actors who should not be acting and buckets and buckets of gore.

It's the splatter that stands out far above the rest of the film (other than Tiffany Shepis's perky, voloptuous breasts).

Boring Plot-O-Matic

A maniac with a suitcase full of razorblades unleashes a super human killer upon a group of kids in a small Alabama town. They must take up arms with a insane Chili enthusiast if they want to survive.

Awesome Review-O-Matic

Home Sick seemed like a flick made by a group of friends/horror regulars in Jersey over the weekend while they were attending a Chiller or Fango Weekend of Horrors convention. Seemed like the director was like "Who wants to make a movie?" It just has that feel of almost video maybe this could be film sorta feel. It's extremely low budget, but the effort to please the horror-core is ever present.

A cast of horror fan minions all attend a party. Who are these fresh fodder soon to be victims?

1.) Crazy gun happy redneck (this dude is the worst actor I've ever seen)
2.) Some Munster looking kid
3.) Tiffany "looking damn gothy yummy" Shepis
4.) Hipster looking dude
5.) Final Girl girl

A man carrying a suitcase of razorblades named Mr. Suitcase (Bill Moseley) crashes the party and starts demanding to know who everybody hates. As they tell him he cuts his arms with razorblades. Who the fuck knows why but to push the non existent plot along, this initiates everybody they name to be killed.

After getting that pesky plot outta the way, all the successive scenes are set up death scenes of various people. The hated get arms cut off, intestines spillage, hacked in the head, etc.

It's the top notch, anti CGI gore that is full of hip hip hooray. The effects are brilliant and well executed by our masked demon killer. The makeup is also to be applauded. Stellar effects in both gore and splatter.

The craziest scene has gotta to be a topless Tiffany Shepis rolling around in blood, laughing evilishly. If I could put this scene in the WTF Moment Hall of Fame, I would induct it immediately.

That's the good yip for Home Sick.

What's the arghhhh?

Well aside from Shepis and Moseley and the gore, everything else falls apart. Some of the actors seem to be improvising their lines...badly. This is not Tara Reid acting bad. Or Uwe Boll acting bad. This was cardboard cut out acting bad. I really wanted Keyboard cat to play these bad actors off.

Adding to the horribleness is Tom Towles as Uncle Johnny, a crazed Confederate gun toting old redneck geezer who the remaining survivors go to for help. A scene where the group eats chili seemed to be 10 min of filler.

The flick also suffers from being so dreamlike, it's definitely entering Herschell Gordon Lewis territory. It's almost like a Gregg Araki-ish horror flick combining a bizarro world with a slasher flick.

Home Sick is slightly above any other indie horror flick as the gore and splatter are in a stratosphere of awesomness. Add in Tiffany Shepis and a creepy Bill Moseley it jump ups a few notches on the horror belt. But it's still amateurish for Wingard's first feature which brings this flick down to Earth.

Experimentism in my horror I can take to a point. But overall, it's worth a look for the inner gorehound in you.

Gore-ipedia


Knife to the mouth
Sliced feet trauma
Ax to the head trauma
Heavy intestine trauma
Fingernail trauma
Split body trauma
Beheadings (x2)
Shotgun blast to the stomach trauma
Gunshot to the head trauma
Punch to the face trauma
Shotgun blast to the head trauma

Nude-ipedia

Tiffany Shepis A+ Boobs

WTF moment

More Tiffany Shepis giggling, vomiting and rolling around in blood....naked.

The Jaded Viewer's Final Prognosis

Wingard would follow up with Pop Skull which according to some is hit or miss. I wouldn't mind if Laura Panic turned up as his next feature. For Home Sick, if you get into the mindset that your watching this at a Chiller convention with other horror fanatics, you'll dig it. You'll need a few beers in you to get some laughs but it's been a while since I rewound some death scenes for multiple viewings.

Synapse films is distributing the DVD
with a bunch of extras and some shorts.

Rating:


Check out the trailer.







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